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Is Your Wife Osama bin Laden?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Feb 12, 2010.

  1. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Do not be deceived by this title that I am going to discuss the serious issue of wives terrorizing their husbands. That issue has been trashed ad nauseum by many a blogger both seriously and in a funny manner. What I am doing is literally asking you : Is your wife Osama bin Laden the al Qaeda honcho?

    You may think that I have gone bonkers, after all al Qaeda being a male bastion there is no chance of it being headed by a woman. But who said anything about Osama being a woman?

    Now, now, how can Osama not be a woman and someone’s wife at the same time? Patience gentle reader allow me to bore you further.

    If the question of Osama being someone’s wife had arisen in my mind a week ago, even I would have feared for my sanity. But not now, after I read about the plight of a top United Arab Emirates diplomat in the papers a couple of days ago.

    The diplomat was negotiating his marriage with a veiled lady. He met her a few times and she never lifted the veil. And our friend was not determined like Akbar of Amar Akbar, Anthony fame to be-purdah the purdah nashi.

    But he was lucky the veil dropped accidentally once when he was talking with her and what did he see,? She was cross-eyed! And that wasn’t the worst part. She had a lush beard and looked like the identical twin Santa Claus had lost at the Kumbh Mela when he was a kid.

    The guy was fortunate enough not getting married to the lady and spend a lifetime being tickled by her beard or suffer it at least until divorce did them part.. But the whole issue of bearded people behind veils raises questions with major security ramifications.


    This could provide ideal means for top terrorists to hide themselves in a way that even spy satellites cannot detect them Hide behind veils and con some stupid man who believes in keeping his women behind veils to marry them. Can even the most astute of anti-terrorist fighters gauge that Osama could be someone’s wife?

    When reality bites the hapless husband who married the world’s number one terrorist lured by the lovely doe eyes, which were the only part of the body of the “lady" visible to him, it would be too late. And he dare not spill the beans lest his height be reduced by a head.



    And there is no chance of conjugal happiness unless Osama (or some Qaeda honcho) turns out to be gay. And I suspect that in Osama’s case this is quite possible. The chap married so many times. Obviously he was disappointed with his women. So there is every chance of him swinging the other way.



    What if the security hounds manage to sniff and catch the hapless husband for harbouring a terrorist while the wifey dearest managed to hoodwink them and get away? There is no need to despair. After the interrogators drill holes into you and make you leak like a sieve they would chuck you out unable to find anything. Then you can begin your march on the road to fame by writing a book titled “I Was Osama’s Husband!” which will have you reeling in millions by becoming a bestseller.



    And look at the brighter side. What if the person in veil who becomes your better half turns out to be the ugly doctor Ayman al Zawhiri and not the doe eyed Osama?



    So you see, there is a method in the French government’s mad proposal to ban veils. It is important not only for the husbands but also for the government to know that the wives are not bearded. That is an effective anti-terrorist measure.



    But terrorists who hope to hide behind veils do not despair. I am sure that the French proposal is bound to be swept away in a tsunami of liberal outrage. So select the most alluring veils possible to have a better chance of hooking eligible men to play your hubbies.



    And dear Osama and company, if you like my idea you can pay a million dollar plus to me for consultancy fees. Don’t bother to invite me to collect the cash. I’ll ask my friendly neighbourhood neta how to open a Swiss bank account. You can deposit the moolah there.
     
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  2. Tubelight

    Tubelight Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Balajee
    I did a double take : Wife and Osama ? If that title doesn't grab eyeballs, nothing will !

    At least after reading this, the French will be assured that what they are mulling on is an abs. essential legislation and that they should just bulldoze ahead with it ; personal rights activists can go fly kites with those veils .

    This diplomat chappie really amazes me. So, he wasn't allowed to de-purdah :)mrgreen:) the lass he was besotted with. But din't he even wonder at "her" voice ? Or did he just think the lady was seductively husky !

    "When reality bites the hapless husband who married the world’s number one terrorist lured by the lovely doe eyes, which were the only part of the body of the “lady" visible to him, it would be too late. And he dare not spill the beans lest his height be reduced by a head." :)rotfl):bowdown That was a scream !

    "I was Osama's Husband " for all we know, may just turn up in bookstores anyday, the way this crazy world is going ! Already we have the headlines about "The Pregnant Man ", whose female husband, i'm sure is already busy proofreading a best seller to time it for around the delivery date.

    Enjoyed reading :thumbsup
     
  3. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Tubelight in case of the diplomat chappie, the bride was not a male but only a bearded woman. So she probably had a female voice. Pregnant man? wow! Where did you read that?
     
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Balajee Sir

    Hillaarious!!!! i am still giggling away and am sure my husband would be thinking whom am I chatting with :)

    Your narration and the way you covered the point from all angles was really funny...I thought you were going to talk about wives terrorizing husbands (like me heheheheh) but the other angle of it sounds more than hillarious!! a good one to read before a good night sleep...thank you
     
  5. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balajee,

    that is as hilarious as can be.

    Osama under the viel eh ! And gay at that too.HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    And u want money in a Swiss Bank in a Neta's Account.:biglaugh

    Superb dear friend superb.Did u drink Scotch instead of rum, befoer u wrote this lovelu piece.

    Regards

    kamal
     
  6. susri

    susri Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Balajee,
    What an imagination.....:whistle. Poor fellow... Late Veerappan :-(( Santhana kadaththal veerappan ). You would have adviced him this, a very clever idea, :biglaugh, so that he would not have spend almost all his life in forest.....:rotfl.
    Your :idea is international level it seems......that's why you are not interested in helping Indian :twisted: . ......:biglaugh
    I like the title ' I was Osama's husband ' very much, than ' Is your Wife Osama bin laden? ' ....:thumbsup
     
  7. Tubelight

    Tubelight Bronze IL'ite

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  8. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Srividya in the very opening line I had made it clear that I wasn't going to talk about wives terrorizing husbands.. A good one to read before a good night's sleep? Is it that soporific?
     
  9. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Sir

    I meant I had a good laugh and I can sleep happily:) forgetting the stress of the day
     
  10. feduptocore

    feduptocore Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Balajee...
    Reading your title I almost thought my Hubby told you so!!!!... yes thats what I'm called at home... other names being.. hitler / Matron ... Madam... thats when i order the father and son to keep my home neat and tidy!!!!
    That diplomat "toh bal bal bach gaya".... otherwise on "shuhaag raa"t he would be wondering whose face he is caressing:hide:!!!
    I think I shall support the french govt in their NO Veil campaign as now i realise the danger of( wo)men behind the veil...
    hilarious post....
    K
     

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