Is your husband your dream man

But that is the universal truth I suppose.

 

Isn’t that right? My husband does the same thing- not answer my trigger questions .

My first, arranged marriage was at 23 and lasted for less than a year. My ex and I although grew up in the same city were polar opposite in our thinking (very conservative vs progressive).

My husband and I have been married for 11 years and both grew up on different continents. Is he my dream man? I don’t know because I didn’t have a dream man to compare him with. He is my best friend. We are polar opposites but in a good way. Our thinking is same (both are progressive) and we complement each other.
Me being impulsive bring the adventure to our lives and his patience brings stability.

@iverji I love your positive attitude and wisdom! Keep posting!

 

Dear Viji Aunty,

When I read your thread, I thought I was reading my own life-story. I also dreamt of my partner. But my dreams were not of a handsome, rich, suave person. As an individual, I valued dynamism a lot. Courage, leadership, daring, boldness, filled with a towering presence and personality. My dad was an alpha male in our house-hold, his word was the last word and I was a rebel at heart. I would test his patience, argue against his need for unquestioned obedience, disciplining and high-handedness. I was the son my father never had in-terms of our ego battles. I don't know if I was influenced by his personality or by the countless books I read as a kid, about war generals, corporate strategy master-minds, freedom-fighters, explorers etc etc. I always dreamt of being the quiet intellectual force behind a brilliant meteoric personality. Such a poor gendered stereotype !

Of-course, I'm neither quiet, nor intellectual or forceful. And I'm not behind any meteor on the path to self-destruction. I'm walking hand-in-hand as a peer with the boy who is worth his weight in gold. Let me explain.

What I got handed-over was the anti dream-man. He is the most soft-spoken, sincere, committed earnest family man they ever made on this planet, so much so that my toddler wakes up from the sleep and cries "Apppaaa" and never "Ammaaa". What more can I say !

When I say "D", I think dynamism, diamonds, dynamite or something on these lines. He thinks Deepavali-legyam ! Such a domesticated affable fellow.

He is a very spiritually inclined person, a thorough family man. If you come to my house, you can always find him cooking, bathing my kid, feeding her warm-water or playing with her. He shuns loud, boorish behavior, abhors token displays of affection, status etc and only cares about deeply meaningful things. What's worse, he actually thinks that militaries should be abolished by all countries, all nuclear bombs should be destroyed by a peace-pact, everyone should meditate and introspect, also quietly if possible, we should not run behind money and ambition, its all a mirage yada yada yada.

I dreamt of Ulysses Grant. What I got was an utopian, pacifist hippy who paints butterfly wings on the walls.

He is so sweet, I don't even know how to hate him. Sometimes I think God blessed me with an anti dream-man to show a mirror to all my vanities and perhaps cure me of them. So grateful for these lessons.

Hopefully I get cured.

 

Ok it was about dream man vs “Present” Man. Every spouse expects at least at times his/her partner to be a (wo)Man Friday & here I find posts with plain facts more delectable.

2. There is no one to start a thread on the antithesis of this thread. I mean men IL’ites to say whether they got their dream Girl (I don’t mean actress Hema Malini) .

3. Then I was brooding about my spouse, as to what she would have posted as response in case she is a incognito fellow member! I can only write on her behalf as I wish but.......

It was entertaining to read this thread. #46 is icing on the cake!

Thanks and Regards.