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Is This Rude ?

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by mangaii, May 30, 2022.

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  1. Jul 26, 2022 #31
    Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    That wasn't meant to be a joke. That was a sly insult couched as a joke. They intended to hurt you and did. It's pure malice. They know how to trigger you and obviously enjoy watching you squirm. You have to learn how to turn this around on them without letting them get under your skin. I would have said, "Oh so that's how little you think of me. What else are siblings for but to rub salt in your wounds. Thanks for the support, brother/sister."
     
    Gauri03, Jul 26, 2022
    Gauri03, Jul 26, 2022
    #31
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  2. Jul 26, 2022 #32
    Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Gold IL'ite

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    .
     
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2022
    Thoughtful, Jul 26, 2022
    Thoughtful, Jul 26, 2022
    #32
  3. Jul 26, 2022 #33
    MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Looks like your sibling and your mom are doing jalra for each other against you. Stay confident. It’s your life and you stood up for your rights. Don’t let anyone cut you down for this.
     
    MalStrom, Jul 26, 2022
    MalStrom, Jul 26, 2022
    #33
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  4. Jul 26, 2022 #34
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    This is so true. When you surprise others by taking a stand and resolving a family issue to an end that you like, some people will go out of their way to criticize the steps you took. People will try their best to contact you and tell you in detail how and why you are wrong.
    =============

    @mangaii, this India trip is a landmark one for you. You got the jewels back. That is enough achievement for 2022. As you reflect on the trip and relive the police station visits, you will grow stronger and develop methods to deal with the sibling, and you will stop being afraid of "what if I have no family left in India."

    You know what.. I maybe wrong ... but one or more of these are possible:
    - sibling and others will grudgingly start to respect you.
    - once in a while, husband will make a comment "was it worth it?" , you will react, he will say "didn't I support you?"
    - the matter will settle down. SIL or her son will again ask for money. Your husband will leave decision to you.
    - in your next India trip, you will visit SIL's house and this matter will be considered "past".

    You will only grow stronger now. You will see how even after going to the police, relations with all are pretty much like before. Just don't let this experience jade you too much or make you too cynical. It's still a beautiful world.
     
    Rihana, Jul 26, 2022
    Rihana, Jul 26, 2022
    #34
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  5. Jul 26, 2022 #35
    mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    Deep down I'm self doubting myself about the decision and expecting validation from my family that I did the right thing.
    After thinking I sent the above as reply telling them that everything happened with his consent and the reply I got was I can never compensate for his sister in his life. I should stop expecting validation from my siblings and move on.
     
    mangaii, Jul 26, 2022
    mangaii, Jul 26, 2022
    #35
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  6. Jul 26, 2022 #36
    mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    Actually I really got a call so my conversation was very short. It is like they have script ready and just tell everything the minute I pickup the call. I kind of expected this so I was avoiding the phone for last few weeks. It is just I couldn't avoid this call.
    I feel I'm prepared to overcome and then I crumble.

    I feel my mom is better. At least she is from previous generation. She doesn't go to this length of making fun of the situation. I think all the things my SIL said are still fresh and it is too soon to make fun of the situation.

    I worry all the time what will happen when my mom passes away. This time I reconnected with my cousins and I felt happy. I just wanted a good relationship with SIL which didn't work out. Now I don't want to lose my sibling also. This fear is the reason I go back to my sibling .


    That is the reason I didn't go behind the rent money and bank account savings money from SIL's son.
    I just felt he has a future ahead and didn't want to drag his name in anything. I told him when he met me that we shouldn't carry over this to next generation. Maybe he will understand me and my husband one day. My SIL is too clouded by greed. So no use of even talking to her.

    I think I'm going to keep quiet for few days and let things cool down.
    I have to remind myself when I self doubt that I didwhat I could do in the situation and should stop seeking validation from my sibling. Hopefully time will heal everything.
     
    mangaii, Jul 26, 2022
    mangaii, Jul 26, 2022
    #36
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  7. Jul 26, 2022 #37
    Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Your sister is simply making you feel bad, from birthday incident to this mega jewelry thing.
    It's your hard earned money, what you did was correct. Why to go to police if your SIL had given your jewels back, why she cannot understand this. being sibling she can't emphathasize with you, meaning she doesn't care about you or your feelings.
    As far SIL your husband relationship it's between them, no man will agree to bring his sister to police stn without proper reason.
    Your sibling simply looking for a chance to belittle you. Dont care, it's tough path. But take it!
    Relax eat well
     
    Vedhavalli, Jul 26, 2022
    Vedhavalli, Jul 26, 2022
    #37
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  8. Jul 26, 2022 #38
    Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I'm sorry Mangaii. Don't engage at all. They probably have had inferiority complex from childhood and you are the target. Leave them and focus on yourself. Your DH just had a major break with his sibling. Even if he doesn't show it, it must hurt like hell. Make some time for him. Do things together. Make sure you lean on each other to alleviate the hurt from siblings. You took a vacation but it wasn't a proper vacation. Take a weekend break and just chill with each other. Hope you feel better soon.
     
    Laks09, Jul 26, 2022
    Laks09, Jul 26, 2022
    #38
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  9. Jul 27, 2022 #39
    mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    I missed this reply. Thanks @Gauri03 I don't think I'm at a place where I could say something. It is just too soon for me and my husband to even talk about it.
     
    mangaii, Jul 27, 2022
    mangaii, Jul 27, 2022
    #39
    Gauri03 likes this.
  10. Jul 27, 2022 #40
    mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    We have one more travel to close the document lost case . We are still following up on that.
    SIL really screwed up when she refused to part with the document. That paper will have no value once the case is closed.
    I really don't know how he is processing all this. I agree my kids keep saying the same thing. I also think a short trip before school will help us
     
    mangaii, Jul 27, 2022
    mangaii, Jul 27, 2022
    #40
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