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Is This Rude ?

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by mangaii, May 30, 2022.

  1. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    If your sibling text you a week ahead of your birthday and then ask about your exact birthday and you let them know . Then two days after your birthday you get again another text saying that they went for trekking and they didn’t have net connection hence couldn’t wish you on your birthday. Then add a belated birthday wish. This is followed by my a bunch of pictures from their trip . Is this rude ?
    It isn’t one time thing . Every year same ritual continues. Ask you and forget followed by wishes on some other day and some other excuse on why they couldn’t call . I’m not unhappy about this since I’m so used to it but I really don’t know how to label my emotion . I sometimes feel I don’t belong to my family . It is just I feel so out of place . I feel awkward . I feel I’m better if they forget the whole birthday thing and leave me alone . I’m always labeled as emotional and sensitive. I want to know am I ?
     
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  2. Janakinarne

    Janakinarne Silver IL'ite

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    My advice is just ignore,if they wish or not it's your birthday and you enjoy in your way,if the same thing continues every yr just ignore there cal before ur birthday,if they send u belated wishes just say TQ and leave it there,
    If they are doing it purposely they wil know u r ignoring by knowing there drama and slowly they wil stop dre drama after few trails...
    You r not a teenager nor a unmarried women to look for there wishes hoping they wil cal u back...u have your own family and plans enjoy the day just delete everything frm the mind,if they wish or not you just be the same person....then they wil stop to hurt you and makes you down emotionally...
    Even I never cal my sister's on there birthdays i totally forget nor no time to send a MSG too ....it doesn't mean we are not caring each other,we have a very gud bonding and we always care for each other...
     
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  3. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    I feel it's rude
    How can a sibling forget your birthday to Start with.
    I would be angry and sad.
     
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  4. Gauri03

    Gauri03 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    To call and ask for the date, not wish because they were on a trip, then ‘text’ a belated wish — they couldn’t have planned it better if they were trying to hurt you deliberately. I don’t think you’re being sensitive. That’s just gaslighting. If it was an honest mistake, they should have called to explain and wish you. Next time they ask you for the date, tell them an incorrect date. At least you’ll get a good laugh when they text you a belated happy birthday on some random day.
     
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  5. Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes, it is rude. We can accept it if it happens one time but every year means can't acceptable.

    If you are practical, you don't feel like that but being emotional isn't bad also. Honestly, I feel just like you if my siblings forget to wish on my birthday. Sometimes we need to accept reality for the sake of our peace of mind. So, just try to ignore them and enjoy your birthday how you want to celebrate with your loved ones.
     
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  6. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    @mangaii belated birthday wishes!
    I can understand how much it can hurt.
    You would have spent at least 20-24 birthdays with born-family.
    It is definitely rude. If its a sisinlaw or cousins I wouldn't mind. I feel sibling is doing deliberately to you., it's not wrong on your part to seek wishes from own sibling.
    1. How can a sibling forget birthday and ask you, every year.? Next time say you don't celebrate birthdays.
    2. Is this happening with your kid's birthday and your wedding anniversary (common thing in indian family to wish on anniversary & kids birthdays)?
    As someone suggested try to give another day date see what happens.
    You on the other hand wish sibling first thing in the morning on his/her birthday.
    Enjoy your birthday with your own family!!
     
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  7. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

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    Next time I would urge you to be more direct. When she/he asks about birthday, tell her/him directly that "Don't worry. You ask the same question every year and not seem to remember." It helps.
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    No, you are not emotional and sensitive. Remember that and do not doubt yourself in this aspect.

    They were rude and wrong in multiple ways that are too many to list.
     
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  9. deepthyanoop

    deepthyanoop Gold IL'ite

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    Yes it is rude, especially if it happens every year. Next time when they ask for your birthday, don’t reply immediately. Reply only after the birthday is over. Reply that you were on a birthday special short vacation ( or any other excuse ) with family and didn’t check the phone :) Let them know that you had good time even without them wishing! Repeat this every year :)

    I am also very forgetful person, not very good with dates. Mostly I remember the months, not the exact dates. But I don’t check with them every year ! A birthday reminder feature in the phone calendar always helps me:)
     
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  10. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    I honestly have zero expectations from my sibling . I’m not upset that they didn’t wish me at all. I’m upset that I hate going through this every year . This year I messaged them saying they are too late it is already over and then another text asking me exactly when was it . I put some random date to avoid further drama . This is followed by another text that they remember that isn’t the right date . They can very well call my mom and ask . No they won’t do it . I also informed them last year that I’m not happy with this texting and forgetting business .

    @Gauri03 i always had this doubt about the sibling since in many instances I did feel they are indeed gaslighting but I never came in terms because it is my sibling. I’m glad you wrote it . I will just put a sticky in mind next time . I think I needed to label this so next time I want to be mentally prepared .

    if I bring this up in phone call it is always followed by comments how I’m emotional and sensitive from young age . How they are so matured in their life . It is like a template answer.

    I just want to break free from this cycle.
     
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