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Is this right to stop the second issue?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by srivanidevireddy, Nov 22, 2007.

  1. srivanidevireddy

    srivanidevireddy New IL'ite

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    Hi,
    This is vani from Doha.
    I have a problem with my Husband ,he is good and helping nature too .
    I have 5 years son ,now i want to plan my second baby,but he is not at all interested to go for that second one.
    I asked the reason,do u expect for what reason he don't want second one...
    He is saying that he has an aim in his life to help the poor people and he decides to quit the job and enter into social severevice full time. So if it is second one, it will increase the reasonability’s.
    After 2,3years he wanted to quit the job.So we save the money for 3 of us, that is the final he is saying.
    Is this right for any husband?
    I am not the person to stop this, because I also have the feeling to help the poor ones.
    But is this correct to stop the second baby for the sake of helping others?
    How can I set my mind to this situation? can u plz help me?
     
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  2. Mallika29

    Mallika29 New IL'ite

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    Hi Vani,


    :welcome to IL . I can understand your situation. It's not right for any husband to think like that . You , your kid and your interests should come first for him . That's his duty first . There's nothing wrong in helping others which he can do even when he's with his family . It's not correct to quit his job for that sake. This is not the age to do it. There're so many things in life. He has his responsibility to your son and to u . Your son would've just started schooling if I'm right . You've to give him good education . And there's so much to it. And how much can u save for ur life in 2- 3 yrs ? Sit alone with him and try to explain your concern and tell him that you're with him for helping others . But let it be at a later stage when u retire after ur son has settled. Try to bring him out of his idea, then plan for the second baby. Otherwise what's the point in going for the second baby . This is my opinion . I don't know if I'm correct . Explain to him that you and ur son are dependent on him and he's supposed to take care of u both first . Be bold and pray to God to change his mind . I'm sure he'll change his mind . Take care and all the best to you .

    Mallika
     
  3. srivanidevireddy

    srivanidevireddy New IL'ite

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    Thanks Mallika.
    Thanks for u'r words.
    I know nothing is in our hands ,so waiting for time.and am also trying to be positive always, but sometimes I end up in thinking the same.
    Any way thanks for u'r reply.
     
  4. naazneen

    naazneen Junior IL'ite

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    well, I understand your predicament and frustration. But I know a person who has been very commited to his goal of helping people. In his pursuit this man didnot consider the needs of his wife and children and let go of an astounding career as a scientist. Anyways long story short- I think your husband is showing some forsight in realising that another child will only mess up his ambitions. I say "some" forsight because truly if he had "enough" forsight he would never have got married and had a family that way he would not have sacrificed the ambitions of his family at the altar of his ambitions. I think gandhians should all stay single. :coffee
    It would be wise for you to pay heed to his need. You may get a second child if you are perssitent, but if he is truly a commited guy when the time comes he will leave your family needs aside and try to achieve only his ambition. This has been my experience. I would seriously ask you to think - will you with "your" job or other familial help be able to raise and provide everything for your 2 children if you do have a 2nd one.
    ~ Naazneen
     
  5. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    This question can come up in any family. maybe your husband might not quit his job after 3 yrs who can say what will happen in 3 yrs or even tomorrow
    But in my experience doing anything should be done jointly to succeed. Having a second child should be a joint decision in order for it to be successful. otherwise you will get the second child but you might drift apart and children will live in split family home. just my 2 cents.
     
  6. glowmom

    glowmom Senior IL'ite

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    hmm..
    do you really know if he will be able to save for all three of you and quit after 3 years.. personally, that would be more worth thinking about than 2nd baby in your situation..sure.. you want another baby and he does not want another coz he wants to get into social cause.. first and foremost thing for you to think is how secure is your future with your husband quitting job after 3 yrs? if you think, he has planned it well and can sustain you all well, then may be you can talk to him to see if he can work a bit longer to make sure you provide for another little one as well..

    it is good that he has social cause in mind..not many of us think like that.. but since he has a family now, his first responsibility should be to secure you folks..i would make sure his plans for future are foolproof, rather as foolproof as you can plan it :)

    good luck convincing him
     

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