Is this part of the culture? Do wedding gifts go to groom's parents?

Actually the parents of the bride end up spending everything and the parents of the groom end up keeping all the gifts.

 

In my community bride's parents spend for wedding event and groom's parent spend on their side of ritual and reception party....groom's parents are supposed to put jewellery to bride which shuld be way more than the jewellery which her parents are giving and similarly their side of dresses shuld be more heavy n expensive than bride's side....
But yes all in all bride's sides expenses are more n must....
gifts given by bride's side relatives usuallt kept by bride's parents and similarly groom parents keep their side of gifts...

 

That is good if there is at least that parity Coolgal - "gifts given by bride's side relatives usuallt kept by bride's parents and similarly groom parents keep their side of gifts...", though strictly speaking all gifts are gifted to the groom and bride wishing Mr. So and so and Ms. So and so 'a long and happy married life'. So logically the gifts should be given to them and not be kept by the parents. But yes, a lot of things that are the norm elsewhere do not necessarily hold good in our country.

 

Wow OP, now I am really shocked! Somehow from your initial post, I had recd the impression that your h has immigrated to this country, and his parents were living in India or just visiting here for the wedding. Based on that impression I had described the subculture behaviour in my earlier post which is prevalent amongst Indians living in cities back in India.

However I have not seen this in the families that have immigrated here. The few Indian weddings I have attended in this country have been very lavish affairs put on by the parents, no holds barred regardless of whether the bride -groom are both Indian or only one is. In fact multiple ceremonies to accommodate the different faiths. It is kind of a prestige issue/ status factor that they not only pay for it but spend enormous amounts on it. Both sides parents often share the cost if the total bill becomes too high.

OP, That your h's parents actually live here, that your h grew up here and yet his parents behaved like this is shocking to me and kinda hard to fathom. I was under the impression they had you two pay because they were visiting from India and the cost for them to pay for any kind of celebration is prohibitive. But looks like that is not the case. In spite of being well able to afford it, the fact that they still forced you two to pay for the expenses (earmarked for HM) AND still pocketed the gifts is beyond cheap. Also pretty unusual.

OP, your MIL is CHEAP. CHEAP as in greedy, grasping and ruthless, the kind of cheap where one is stingy and greedy even when there is no need or real reason to be so. There will be many more instances so be warned. You know, their refusal to pay for any part of the celebrations is a kind of a passive aggressive signal that they havent accepted this marriage nor you as their dil. As in 'do what you want if must, but I am not going to pay for any of it.'

Sorry OP, I sincerely hope your h is worth all the pain you are going to undergo. If I were you I would not take his current supportive-ness for granted. These mothers have a way of wearing down their sons.

 

On the other hand OP, maybe this is symptomatic of something more deeper. As in could be that your h has been shielding you from their opposition to your marriage and all the ugly details of it all along, and finally when faced with their ultimatum decided what the heck he would pay for it all himself. In which case paying for the celebration and the loss of a few wedding gifts that too from strangers you have never met may be well worth the price. If this is the case then you should just write off those few gifts and forget about the whole thing.

 

What ??? Why??? waitingsmiley I love looking at my wedding photos and video....

 

As long as your husband it supportive that is all that matters. Keep your in-laws at a safe distance.

In my experience, the gifts are for bride and groom and I have not seen parents take it though some groom's parents may feel a sense of entitlement. But I must add not all parents are like that and it is by no means Indian culture. You MIL in just cheap.

 

It's not Indian culture.
It's just her nature.
And if you ask me, it's not very 'cultured' of her at all...please pardon the pun.
The other posters have said all that's relevant.
I would add, you have an advantage over us Indian women, in that you can plead ignorance because of well, your Western culture...
But the bottomline here seems not to be culture, just good ol' human nature in all its greedy grasping glory. Do what you're doing and rise above it, ignore it & distance it.