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Is this normal??

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shreya12345, Mar 4, 2010.

  1. Malavika81

    Malavika81 Bronze IL'ite

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    As much as I like to trust my partner and be in a wonderful world where skies are blue and clouds are white, I'd also exercise some caution and have a little element of doubt when I see my partner sending all his savings to his mum's account overseas.

    Assuming he is sending money for a property or house he bought, then the girl should be aware of it or be made aware. And if it is for savings because of better interest rates or investment options, then the account should be in the joint name of the bloke and the girl, not his mum.

    Either way, I'd suggest the OP to get a better handle on the finances and find out what is going on. 'Relax and chill, you have been married only for six months' can also be 'You know this person only for six months and hence you know very little about him so its better to be cautious and informed even if you are trusting'. Better to be blunt and clever than to be nice and naive.

    In a world where we very often hear about women taken for a ride by their husbands in arranged marriages and it took them 8 or 9 years to finally realize it, its better to be safe and cautious and informed than to be sorry and go 'I should have paid attention to this years ago but I completely trusted him and I am such a fool for that now'.
     
  2. narasmanasi

    narasmanasi New IL'ite

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    Hi shreya

    Money can be a HUGE source of friction in the best of relationships so tread cautiously ! But I would say you have every right ( and a duty ) to understand where your husband's money is going ... whether you work outside the home or not and whether your husband has invested in a joint property / sending stuff for his parents or not.

    One option - rather than just demanding what he does with the money , you could try and educate yourself on some investment options - mutual funds , FDs etc or even property in India - there are several websites that provide great information on this , and then suggest to your husband that " why dont we look at this as a source of investment ?" It may just initiate a dialogue in a non - threatening way ... also , its great for you to know about investment avenues for your own benefit . because ( god forbid ) should anything go wrong you will need to stand on your own two feet !

    Just my suggestion ... take care and all the best for a great married life
     
  3. vmtaurus

    vmtaurus Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Shreya
    Have you asked your husband if he has a similar 'fund' for your and his future? If not, you can try suggesting this to him so that some of the funds get diverted to your future savings too.
    I understand that 6 months is a little soon for you to build this sort of trust with your husband. Most of the Indian men I know have taken a good 2-3 yrs to completely trust their wives.
    However, like many others suggested please be cautious of where all his money is going. You do have a right, as a wife, to question him.
    Hope this helps.
     
  4. shreya12345

    shreya12345 New IL'ite

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    Thanks a ton, all you wise ladies...vmtaurus, narasmanasi, malavika, peartree, bhuvnidhi and all the others. I m sorry if i missed out any names...all of you have provided me v good opinions and alternatives...

    Malavika, you r absolutely right...its good to be cautious rather than being naive and then repenting later. Der is a very delicate balance which has to be struck when dealing with money matters...

    Half of my worries and tension of mind has been relieved by reading all your replies. The other half, I will surely figure out myself by talking to my DH at the right moment. I trust him a lot and I know that I shud give him sometime to trust me also. Meantime, I will enjoy my married life and try to understand him better. This is just the beginning of my married life. I dnt want to create any misunderstanding even before we know each other properly.

    Nandhu,
    I am really sorry, for assuming that u r a man:) I did so cos of your reply also....wen u said vy shud my DH's a/c be of my concern.....i guess after marriage, everything is "ours" rather than 'urs' or 'mine'.
    But i dnt make such assumptions in real life...and by god's grace, i feel i have the capability to understand wots real and wots fake...I dnt knw you personally...so pls dnt take it to heart. Anyways, thanks for your response

    :cheers this forum is a bunch of all the wise ladies in the world:wow
     
  5. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    hi shreya,
    u dh may be thinking of stopping to send money to his mom account but does not want to hurry .he may be waiting for right time so that he is not ridiclue that he stopped money as soon as he got married.
    give him a year or so .also he may have promised to contribute to his marriage expenses & still paying for it monthly.
    talk to him.
    pragati
     

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