Is this normal??

Shreya,

he will need some time to change. Eventhough he understand what you are saying he would not change immediately main reason would be what his parents will think of him.

Give him some time and meantime try convincing him whenever you get opportunity. It will not happen immediately. It took 2 yrs for me

Once you start earning money maintain your seprate account so that your salary does not get transferred your MILs account.

good luck and njoy your married life.

 

This is the pointYou are not his mother. and not everyone would be as understanding and as broadminded

Anyways there are 2 ways anyone can do things or put their points across. One is the more subtle way and the other is the quite blunt way. In some cases when the subtle way had been tried several times blunt way has to be tried..

When a relationship is in budding stage, there are many factors that would be involved to ensure that no one gets hurt and everyone needs to be handled in a very delicate manner i.e the subtle way. Human relationships are not as easy as we expect or think to resolve or maintain. So we have to think from diff. angles and If someone was very understanding am sure they would have started maintaing separate a/cs the moment son had started working..reason son is grownup cant he manage his money living in a diff. country. So when that didnt happen as soon as he started working and if it happens as soon as there is an entry of the new woman in the house i.e DIL the whole blame wouldbe on the DIL. So instead of messing upat diff.levelsthat too in such initial stages..understanding howis the new familys cultureormentality ismore important.

 

ASG,

Its a different story with Indian parents and indian husbands. Most of the husbands even after marrige will try to prove that his parents and his siblings are more important to him than his wife. My husband never use to think twice on buying any costly gifts to his siblings or his parents and he never use to have enough money to buy anything for me. My DH hardly gift me anything in first year of my marrige.

 

Kinjal

With all due respect, just because Indian husbands think that way does not mean it is right or makes it OK to do so. What is the wife then? A second class citizen? Wife takes precedence over siblings and parents after a man is married. End of story.

 

:biglaugh:biglaugh:biglaugh

So you assumed from my username that I am not a lady.. Awesome !!! Well, don't let so much assumptions in your life, you never know whats real, whats fake

Just to let you know, this is a open forum. If you post a question, anyone can answer it.

BTW, I am a woman !

 

well...even i am not saying its right...
Based on what i have seen...I am just saying its the way most of the indian husbands behave (again im saying most of the indian men and not all. Im sure there are others who do not behave this way.)

 

Shreya

Before jumping to conclusions about how Indian husbands treat their wives as second class citizens and how Indian moms are vultures who only wait to pounce on their offspring's money and basically worrying about something that should probably not even be a big concern since you've only been married 6 months, please consider these scenarios!

Have you checked to see if maybe your husband has invested in some property or something in India which is mom is handling on his behalf? In our case, my husband and I have invested in a property in India and since we are not there physically to supervise the activities, my mom handles it for us. We authorized her by giving her the Power of Attorney to handle any matters related to the property on our behalf. Since payments have to be made as and when different phases of the project get completed, we regularly send money to the account which is joint in my and my mom's names. I don't even know what's happening with that account, it's my husband and my mom that handle the transferring etc. The money for that account goes from both our savings and we always send more than is exactly required for her to use for anything she might need. BTW, this was the practice for a brief time in the middle when I was unemployed too, and hence not adding anything to our savings.

Also, another chunk of our savings are transfered regularly to India, into our separate accounts because we find that interest rates offered by banks in India for long-term deposits are far better than what is offered by banks here for CDs etc. The FDs are in my mom's name only because she gets a slightly better rate of interest on those deposits as an employee of the bank. This might well be the case with your husband too, who is just probably doing some investments which he thinks are beneficial to you both in the long run.

Like you, when I just came to the US, I was not employed and most of my financial needs (which were very minimal in any case) were taken care of by my husband, and neither of us saw the need for me to keep track of what is happening with his money and I did not feel like I was in the dark at that time because none of my needs we being denied or anything, at the cost of him helping his parents financially. Eventually though, he started educating me more about our finances etc., which only served helpful to both of us in planning better for our future. So just relax, enjoy your newly married status and I am sure there's lots more for you to enjoy right now with your husband, rather that letting this worry you unnecessarily.

 

I tend to agree with Peartree. You can't immediately jump to the conclusion that somethings fishy. My brother does send home cash inorder to invest in the mutual funds in India. Maybe your hubby has plans of investing in real estate in india for which he is saving up.
Why don't u just casually ask him if he has any plans for the future? If you haven't already bought a house, ask him if he plans to. Think of the places where you'd like to settle down. Ask him how you guys would finance it? Or talk to him about what hes doing for retirement savings. I'm sure at the end of it you'll know why he sends money home.
Its also pretty normal in India for the sons to send home a small amount of money every month since its considered their responsibility to take care of their parents. But if hes sending all his savings home, either his mom does his financial management or he has some investment plans in india. I don't think you need to press the panic buttons yet.

 

It is absolutely normal the way you think.

Yes, your husband has a higher responsibility towards you after marriage or infact you both are one and both of you should be managing your finance.But what is right does not mean that everybody follows it.Our men are brought up in such a way that they are made to feel guilty if they give priority to their wives after marriage.The same wife who cribs about her hubby's actions will be different when it comes to her son.

Give your hubby sometime to change as he wouldn't have overcome his pre-marital habits still.But if you leave him like that he will be the same throughout your life.

Not neccessarily.There are a lot of people who send home money and the parents handle it either building house or buying a land or whatever.It depends on individual and how responsible he is.But the person should know to prioritise after marriage.

Yes, someone else's account cannot be his account.Legally also.And since it is his mom's account definitely it will be shared among the siblings.I have already mentioned in one of my earlier posts how our land registered under MIL's name was sold and shared among my hubby's siblings.

Forget the past and focus on future.If you try telling him not to send money to his mother's account he might get upset.You are a better judge here as we do not know your hubby.

Better sit with him and plan for your future.Say buying an house or whatever.Suggest him good(nationalised) banks where you can get better interest rate and has easy access to manage your funds.Let him save his money in that account(could be a joint account with you) rather than sending money to his mother's account.Then he would get used to sending money to this account for his savings.