Is this an extra-marital relationship?

first let me apologise for the long thread-but I feel I need to explain the detials so that it can be clear to all...

I have been married for close to 8 years-we have beautiful children...but this is one question that has been lurking in my mind from the day I married him...

The day we got married, the same evening, after all the friends had departed, hubby was busy with his family paying off the lighting people,caterers, etc...( for the evening tea he had kept at his house)...and in the meantime he handed me his college snaps so that I could while away my time....
that is when I noticed HER!!!
She is there in every snap, quite literally in every snap with my hubby- every excursion, training or trip he has taken, she is there in the snaps....then there are single snaps of hers too-in sari, smiling coyly...initially i flipped through the album without thinking much, but after I closed the album, as I had not much interest (I mean I dont know any of his friends so..) but then the thought of why there are single snaps of this girl alone?? So, I flip through the album again, and start taking note-yes, she is there in every snap where my hubby is there and there is also AGHAST!! her marriage snap, and there again my hubby and about three other friends of his.....now Im confused-Love failure?? Ok I cant read too much into the expression on his face, but then maybe a bit too serious in her wedding snap!!?? :bonk

Ok, Ive closed the album, hubby walks in and says he was busy with the people, u saw the snaps? and puts the album in the drawer of the table and closes it....I say-emm, i saw, i wanted to know some names...-He looks surprised, then smiles-ok- pulls out the album...I ask the named of a few other classmates and then I say, I want to know this girls name- and he is surprised but he gives me her name-he asked my why u asked her name?...and then I dont know what to answer,so I say, becos i think she is good looking:bonk ( i dont know why i said that-but i needed some silly excuse and I should say she is pretty...)
And already my heart is missing a few beats, and feel Im going to faint...my parents call ( my hubbys house is very very far away from my house) to check Im ok, Im almost in tears, but I dotn know what to tell them......I feel cheated already and I want to cry and run away from this house......
Maybe at this point I should tell u that ours is an arranged marriage...I was born and brought up abroad, but my parents have always instilled in us the indian culture. My hubby came to work in the same place ( abroad), responded to the matrimonial ads put by my parents, met me ( officially) and then sent a photo and details to his parents to consider....the horoscopes matched ( that is why my parents allowed for the boy to come see me.
On hubbys side, they received my photo and horoscope details- and hubbys letter that he has seen the girl or whatever ..fil, mil visited my place( very very far away from theirs) came to see my grandparents (they were definitely impressed by my house-asked a lot of details about it it seems) and anyways said yes.
So my parents called up and spoke to ils to discuss about further matters..( abt dowry and such, is another big story,maybe ill start another thread) and then my parents gave the phone to me saying mil wants to speak......well conversation goes as this
mil: did u like my son?
me: yes.
MIL:does he stay near ur house?
me: no, he stays a bit far off.
MIL: does he work near ur office?
me: no..its in that direction but his office is not near my office ..
mil: so u go by car to office?
me: no, Ï go by bus
then mil gives phone to the 2nd dil of the house (my sil that is )
sIL: hi, how are u? U must have seen him no....did u like him?
ME: yes
SIL: ( feels like someone is pestering her, so she is hesitantly asking) so u guys used to meet in the bus?
ME: no
SIL: u people in the same bus or seen each other while travelling in ur buses to office?
me: no
I reach my wits end and give the phone to my parents...
they say ok we will call later to discuss abt engagement ( cos his parents insisted they want an engagement, before marriage as they have not seen girl)
I told my mom -see they are talking like this-they suspect its a love marriage...my parents say-come on they know, he must have written to his parents the whole details, besides any parent will be anxious when son comes up with pic and all , so they are just asking u their doubts.
ME-so that means they dont trust him, or else, he is a big romeo, they suspect that he doesnt leave any girl who lives near him "( other wise why the question)...
My parents just laugh it off, and mom says-they are just asking for their peace of mind to reconfirm thats all, its only natural for parents to check, u dont know thats why u are feeling like that-nothing to worry.

Lets fast forward to the engagement( where hubbys sis, insults me in front of my friends) After everyone leaves, I tell my parents, but they say maybe she was cranky with her two kids and long trip thats why she was irritated and gave angry retort-let it go...i say-if before engagement this is the talk, what she will say after marriage...my mom tells me maybe she is jealous after seeing our house and us, thats why-just forget it.
fast forward to marriage and u know now what has happened on the first day itself...

A few days after marriage, my mil says u know DH classmates, they used to come here every time, especially X ( lets name HER)..?
I say-yaaa, I saw some snaps of hers..
mil is surprised-where? when he told u? before marriage? and u saw the snaps
I say-no just on the first day, in the evening he showed me the snaps.
mil-yes, she was very good girl, she used to come and always in kitchen with me helping me out and all ( and a sneak smirk on her face and looks at me)...
I suddenly feel- is she trying to compare me to X, and say that I m not helping her out in the kitchen ....( this is happening when she s chopping up veggies at the dining table and Im just sitting and chatting with her):hide:

Maybe I should say now that mil used to work earlier, and after retiring too, she was in the habit of waking up at 4 in the morning and cooking the bfast, and lunch in the morning , (she alternates between two curries, so either one of that curry and rice would be cooked in large quantites every day) and the lunch left overs would be served for dinner, and the following days, else if she is not in the mood to keep in the fridge, something she will just throw out. Already on the next day of marriage at 7 she ordered the 2nd sil to knock and break our bedroom door down so that we would wake up and get out of the bedroom :hide: I am still quite ashamed,of this-cos I fully intended to wake up early atleast on the first day!! But, since was tired after the tiring schedule before and on the wedding day, got late in getting up in the morning (bad marks on first day itseld)

Well, coming to the topic- a few days after my mil apparently compared me to X, we go to DH sisters house and she tells me I have something to show u and she brings her marriage album..
Hers was a love marriage, my ils agreed, but the boys family didnt consent, so my ils conducted a lavish marriage for their only daughter, with the whole hall full of only their relatives, and the boy has no-one by his side, not even his parents...
Well, in the album she points to a picture and LO BEHOLD, beaming behind the happily married couple is DH and X, such broad smiles they are giving and they are standing soooo close, as if it were their marriage snap and not DHs sister's....
then DHs sister whispers-u know she is of lower caste and she used to frequent our house very often after class...jsut see in this snap-they are standing like chatti and kaalam, thattiyum muttiyum (touching and hitting like pots and pans)and after my marriage I told my brother directly.dont think just because parents agreed for my marriage ( her hubby is same caste) even I will not support this bcos she is low caste....

I was dumb struck the smile on my face was wiped out, my fears were confirmed!!1-DH who was talking to his bil asked what happened and his DS blurted out, I was telling ur wife abt X....HE saw the look on my face and his smile too was wiped off, so was the bil dumbstruck...he shouted at his wife-u dont have any other thing to say, they are just married and as if there is nothing else to say u bring one album out....
I am in tears and I say I want to go home, DH is confused, his sister says - I thought she knows, no pls drink something from here then only go....come on, í thought u were mature enough to handle this, thats why i told u ...pls don insult us, drink something and then u can go home....so we stayed drank something and DH dropped me back in his house and he went out sayng he had some urgent things to attend to...i was crying my heart out, didnt know what to do..call my parents? how to explain all this over phone while staying in ils house-besides they have a parallel line and I already suspected that they were hearing my conversations on the first day itself.
DHs sister calls from office to check if im ok-come on dont be so childish and all that..mil has a sheepish look on her face, when I come to dining table for lunch!!
Then when we return back (abroad) and my parents follow after a few months to their house, I tell my mother, and she just laughs it away-oh so what? now she is married and he is married to you-so what? just forget it!!

Well, fast forward-I never broached on the topic -but deep inside it ached and ached and I felt, I had been used, like I got a second hand husband-like he maybe settled for me ( second best) becos he cudnt marry X.
Well X is very smart, she didnt have a house of her own, parents lived in rented house, while she stayed in hostel, so was able to come and frequent DHs house during her college days, and then I dont know if they split or not, but maybe she realised that theirs couldnt work out, so when she went for training, she roped in a senior much richer than DH but same caste as DH (some one with a heart condition and had initially planned on not marrying at all becos of the condition) and although his parents didnt like that she was lower caste, atleast they got their son to agree to a marriage so she got married.
Maybe becos of this I feel my hubby used to drink and smoke, then fell severly ill and was bed ridden for nearly 2 years-I dont have evidence if the drinking and smoking started after her wedding, but I am sure its becos of his earlier bed ridden state that he didnt get any proposals from nearby...he had seen only 2 other girls before me...even though he is highly qualified.
( the bed ridden stage and all was not disclosed to us before marriage also)


Then within 6 month of our marriage, DH starts giving me talks, I will divorce u ( as if joking):idontgetit: He would say it as a joke, but it always felt very serious for me and I should say maybe at times I dount if I dont truely love him bcos deep down I have a fear that he may leave me and go....Even fil has commented to him -why are u saying like this all the time, u shouldnt joke about such things.....

We had our first child and since X was nowhere in the pic, I felt comparatively safe. although DH is good,(given up smoke and drinks after his bed ridden condition go better) and a good father, Ï feel sometimes that he is not open and keeps a lot of things to himself-but presents a very simple, humble picture of himself to me......

Well, DH changes job and we go to another country and then after all the papers have been signed and we are searching for movers, DH breaks the news to me that X is there in the new place, so we can get all the help we need. :shock:

So X is very welcoming and warm, picks us up from the airport, does all the help for us along with her hubby taggin along ( DHs senior too in college) they are all a great company the three of them-old college jokes, I cant understand a thing. X and hubby pull DHs leg and he just sits and smiles ( :idontgetit: and I dont like the way they put my DH down in their joking ways)-Even once after we had been to their house, and they were in their usual banter, putting my hubby down, and hubby doesnt object, but Í dont laugh but maintain a very straight face when they talk like that...and then when we were leaving one of the other guests, who had joined in the putting down of my DH, apologised to me saying Im sorry I had to speak like that to ur hubby, these people will talk like that, I know u dont like it..so next year, will u invite me for this function to your home?? and I was soooo mad that I said, yaaa-if u guys are willing to get ur stomachs into trouble....:bonkI was biting my tongue the whole time ( while they were putting DH down) and I couldnt help it slip out -then i felt bad and added-its cos Im not such a good cook as X.....
then X is laughing with her hubby and saying-no, no...she knows us and doesnt object to us making fun- she knows we always talk like this only...
But I swear I have not forgiven her for puttng my DH down.
Then she is quite the social butterfly -was called the BBC by some classmates- an apt name, so u can just imagine how she is
She will call my hubby mostly every day -definitely not a week goes by without her calling up on his mobile and chattering about how she lost weight- have i lost any? and whats news in my house...
My hubby will give her all details of whats happening in the house and it bugs me that she calls me once in 3 months and asks me how is this? did u do this, like i told ur DH to do? Ur DH told me u guys are planning to do this, so what is the situation, have u started packing-how is ur childs cold (maybe a last mnths issue cos she calls me once in 3 months) -maybe so that I dont suspect?
is this an extra marital affair?
If my hubby gets 5 mins time to himself-like he knows Im taking a bath or just going out for a walk, or while he is waiting in the car while I dress, or while he is accompanying the kids to the playground, he will call her and they will chit chat
I have a few doubts:-
1-maybe she is doing this to create a complex in me? that she is superior to me and knows whats happening in my house?
2-maybe she wants to tell my hubby that she is thinner, smarter than me?
3-Or she is having a complex about the caste issue..
She is super friendly to my kids and tries to take DH and my kids in her hands, even my guests and all.
Once when she saw my parents she came to the kitchen and asked me -ur dad, what is this??(my dad is very dark)...thank god u didnt get his colour...:evil: I was shocked :shock: I didnt know what to answer, but trust me I would have punched her face flat , I was that angry!!
I really dont know what to do-I tried to ignore this lady, but I cant ignore the fact that the days when my DH drops me off first say to the hospital or anywhere before proceeding to office late, she calls up on his mobile ( during his usual driving time to office) and he will just cut the call when it rings, telling oh- its X, ill call her later...so he doesnt talk to her in front of me- but bcos they were in college, its kind of like gives her a right to talk to my DH anything and everything....???
I sometimes despair to the stage that I feel, maybe she married this senior with heart condition, so that he would pass away and then maybe then DH can marry her....
DH used to keep commenting in the intial days of our marriage that someone read his palm and told him he will marry twice-so Is he trying to get lucky the second time around???