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is this alliance OK

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by arthy999, Jan 20, 2010.

  1. arthy999

    arthy999 New IL'ite

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    one of my friend is search of groom..
    they got an alliance...ane the guy is well educated and good job etc
    but, it seems, the family is not in any way contacts with the father's side... does it give any red flag about future mother's in law's attitude..
    when asked, they say , basically the guy doesnt like any one from his father's side so
    they have to keep away from them...
    what do you say..
     
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  2. tuliplady

    tuliplady Gold IL'ite

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    If the guy is good there should be no problem, in my opinion. Not any contact in the sense? do they never talk to each other or are just formal?
    I am not close to my father side of family..coz they are all very older than me and we never grew up together. Whatever little interaction we have had is only during marriages and functions. I think one cannot be close to a lot of people. Maybe its their personality or perhaps the dad's side of family might not be good. Who knows..?
    She should first evaluate the proposal based on how the guy's nature is first!
     
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Aarthy.. I got married to a smiliar person with same excuse.
    Later I came to know that my MIL is highly dominating... never wanted those ppl to come to her home or she visiting them becos they were villagers & she was in a high fi metro resident, also they dint know how to speak english in 1970s. She anyhow is no hi fi & clad in a saree like any middle class fly lady. Her english.. she calls escalater as accelerator & like old age village ladies no undies post menopause.. I really wonder whts so hi fi abu her or her thinking pattern... or infact wonder if she calls her hi fi then were my FIL's side tribals?

    She made her family matriarchal with her own parents involved in daily life. Her own family members being in the same city & well off.. she never needed help from her ILs & infact found them as burden who used to come from a small village or if she had to go there. She din attend her ILs funeral saying that the kids were small & she cudn't have travelled in train for 20 hrs... however when their ancestral property was sold they all flew down with small children. but the same rule was not applicable to me.. she wants me to cut off with my family.

    I realised what my DH likes or dislikes is exactly wht his mom decides for him.. unless there's some specific reason to distance frm father's kin I guess its the lady of the house who has hostility and cannot give up hostility/ adjust due to ego prblm.

    Later when they realised that its not a gud impression on their DIL they started going to FIL's native... however the total count of visits remain 6-7 in a married life of 40+.

    There's a difference in being not close & cutting off.. you need to realise that.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2010

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