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Is this a marriage.?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by freebee, Feb 11, 2010.

  1. freebee

    freebee New IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,

    I have been a silent reader of IL for sometime, to be honest i feel that this is a very nice forum to discuss issues, problems, seek opinions etc.

    Well, this is my first post and here it goes.

    I am married for the last 2 years, it was an arranged marriage. We had a courtship for an year before we decided to get married.Both of us are working as senior exectives in MNC's.

    I am 32 and he is also of the same age. Both of us had decided not plan a child for a year. After 1 year when my DH wanted, i was reluctant because i was made the associate director a month back and was moved to a different division, i told him that this position required lots of travel (Domestic and international) and i will not be able to cope up.He reluctantly agreed. My new position was demanding and i had to travel for 5-6 months and this started taking toll on my health.

    I started taking medicines for the first time in my whole life, painkillers antispasmodic etc. My interest in sex deminished and so was his. We started making love once or twice a month as i use to come home very tired.

    A couple of months back when i was about to tell him regarding starting a family, he told me that he has been elevated and has taken up a new responsibility to set up his company in 3 countries and would be away for work most of the time.

    He left for Egypt that day and has been living out of his suitcase since then.

    We have every luxury in life, no peace of mind. Sometimes i feel that i shouldn't have taken promotion a year back and should have started a family.

    Most of my colleagues/Friends from the industry have kids and all that questions about good news etc that a woman has to face.

    I am totally lost, dont know that to do.

    Please help.
     
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  2. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    i know maintaining a balance between career nd home is really difficult
    but we need to proiritize things first according to me
    as you are already 33 i feel more or less its not good to delay children any longer
    i know how it works for career women.i am working too and initially we decided not to have babies for first 3 yrs but now we had to plan for it due to some circumstances at home
    i guess career could be built after 2yrs back again but once you are 35+ i guess chances of having babies gradually reduces atleast risk increases
     
  3. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Freebee,
    Dont worry!! Better late than never!!!Now you are in a situation where you need emotional support from your dear hubby. Talk to him and join him in his workplace for a while and start family. May be you can take off or a break for sometime and can always go back as you in a senior position. As per the studies, after 30+ there wil be chance of high risk pregnancy for both mother and child. So, go ahead and start your family life and enjoy motherhood.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2010
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    FB

    Better Late than Never....sometimes its tough to balance b/w work and domestic life..when both partners are equally having great careers or I should say career oriented..

    Why dont you take a break from work, take a vacation and travel with your husband. Also go through the TTC threads in the forums to get info on diet, and preps for TTC. Please do visit a doctor and start taking prenatals.

    Above all, talk to your husband, and please do convey your feelings to him that you were wrong when you accepted the post and now you are feeling bad for it etc..(reason...it shouldnt look as if you are controlling the whole baby planning thing...when you realised it was a bad move to accept the promotion just share that feeling with him and see how he comes around..clears lots of tensions) good luck dear
     
  5. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    I know it is a tough choice when you see career growth and family hand in hand. People do get carried away. Normal. :) One among the couple usually needs to compromise and mostly it is expected out of the woman..

    It is only later when we feel the hollow.. As others said, leave the past behind and move to where your hubby lives for now and tell him you want to start a family..

    Just tell him, to leave the past behind and not throw tantrums forever. You understand that his work is more demanding now, but then you would also want to have his baby.

    have a frank talk with him and write back to us as to what he replied. Dnt brood, talk to him and arrive at a decision soon. There is no point in feeling lost and wondering to us, why your life is so.. Nothing worst has happened to you, Girl. Dont worry.

    CALL HIM.
     
  6. purnima22

    purnima22 New IL'ite

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    Freebee,

    I was in a similar situation few yrs ago. It was getting extremely difficult for me as well to balance work and family both.

    Ask yourself at this stage of life - what does a job mean to you?

    Evaluate your own situation- move to a job that is less demanding. It would mean some compromise to your career. You can always speed up careerwise once your kids reach a certain age and somewhat independent.

    Also if both husband and wife are ambitious, its a little hard to manage family.
    One of my very good friends mentioned this. Only one can be ambitious.
     
  7. smitarubinsson

    smitarubinsson Gold IL'ite

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    It is difficult trying to have a demanding job for a women and a family, children require a lot of atention for a few years, if you have a good family support it will be easier.
    One of you will have to make a sacrifice for a long time.
     
  8. cutesmile09

    cutesmile09 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Congrats for reaching g8 heights in ur career,coming to ur problem, personally i feel tht you shd prioritize things in life, the biggest achievement in life is doing right things at the right time,so if u have chance why dont u take some break frm your career and join ur hubby or look for a job at ur hubby's place so tht your health will improve & meanwhile u both can plan for the baby,i knw the decision u make may be tough now but u will enjoy its fruits later. My cousin was in the same position 10yrs back,she has choosen her family,u knw wht today she is happily married & blessed with 2kids and she also became director of an mnc company,she initially took break of one yr to take care of her kids,later on,her parents supported her.U knw wht she says today at the end of the day she feels very happy when her little kids get her glass of water with smile once she returns back home,she says tht makes her to relax & forget all her worries.Hope this helps,All the best!!! :thumbsup

    Cheers
     
  9. lalli30

    lalli30 Senior IL'ite

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    Of course, it s nice to enjoy a comfortable position socially speaking but many of these path followers have so many regrets when they get old thta they hve missed smthg in life...not having seen their kids grow up / husband/spouse...in the name of making a secure future for the family... Yes we need cash... to live but to me, family life s priceless... would never sacrifice my family for the sake of a high position ...

    sorry for being so straightforward...
     
  10. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Congratulations for both of you to achieve such great heights in career in such young age!

    Since you are telling that you guys are well settled, I would think that money is not a problem for you. Perhaps you can change to a less demanding job?
    Or maybe you can take some time off, go to Egypt and spend a few weeks with hubby and see what exactly you both want in life. You are 32 now....the more you delay the chances of conceiving would start coming down. I dont mean to stress you off further, but this is a fact.
    Also this change to less demanding job need not be permanent...once the baby grows up a bit you can try and get into career again.
    But practically speaking, if the partners have equally demanding jobs, its really hard to care for yourself, let alone care for a baby.
     

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