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Is This “normal” ?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Apr 8, 2020.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    I had a watsapp group until last year with kindergarten moms and all the mothers spoke to each other like best buddies. Then after KG ended..abruptly there is no conversation in the group.I tried to initiate,one or two messages and then
    It stopped.

    Same way I got numbers of ladies who were friendly be it in gym or other places, and tried to call once in a while.They speak well but it is only me doing the contacting.

    In my neighborhood also, they talk like best buddies and I used to go to one of the ladies home nearby DP she always feel am not mingling but I realized she never comes to my home!! Not even once!!

    this keeps happening a lot.

    There is a proverb that grass looks greener and only when we get closer one knows the true story of how friendships really are.


    People seem friendly.I have many acquaintances and usually I have come to an understanding this is how it will be.


    However..sometimes feel is this normal..is this common? Maybe it’s age,proximity,priorities..
     
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  2. Anisu

    Anisu Gold IL'ite

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    Its just that we will not be their priority. So if you wish to talk, please do so without the expectation of them calling u back or having a small chit chat etc. I have learnt this the hard way. Now i am fine. I have no complaints now nor do i vent this infront of anyone. I will call up people and keep in touch. I do not expect the same back.
     
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  3. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Anika,

    if the people you spoke to are married and have kids, and if you do not build a rapport with all of them, you have more chances of them fading away from the scene. There is no such thing as friendship been just two women who met in a gym (or school activity) that continues for ever. If the whole family is not involved, she is getting pulled in other directions preferable to the family members. This is probably why you are not getting calls back or no maintaining friendships.

    In my experience, the people I found who are still friends because the husband and kids get along and meet once in a while. All the gym buddies or girl scout moms who talk well wont call back or invite us for anything. Sometimes they are not interested or they have their own gangs so they do not have to involve us.
     
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  4. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Hmm..every time why should family get involved in making friendship?

    I guess after a certain age,people get busy with their life and hard to make easy friendships like in school and college.


    I asked some neighbors if they know the parents of their kid’s classmates.They replied they don’t even know all of their kid’s friends..forget about the parents! Lol


    I guess this is how things will be unless efforts are put in by both side and also proximity is important.
     
  5. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Also when my child went to daycare,the moms were all working and they meet each other in the evening and go for parks etc.Since,I was the only non working mom and had put in part time never had the opportunity.

    They never really even mingled with me for class parties and I used to feel left alone.They were so close to each other like college buddies.

    Few months back,met one of them and enquired about the other moms but she said she hardly meets them anymore!

    You should have seen how close friends they were and it surprised me they hardly meet each other.

    Don’t know why it fades away..


    also..energy level detoriates also.I have no energy to invite people for lunch or dinner anymore which I accept lol:)
     
  6. smrithys

    smrithys Silver IL'ite

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    When I was newly married, and visited the fitness centers , I was open to building friendships. I used to look forward to interacting with them. After the class is over, we used to have a small chit chat everyday. But now, after having my kid when I go to fitness center, I want to come back home as soon as the class is over so that I can spend time with my daughter. I hardly have have any time or the need to interact with people.
    Nowadays, I am more open to people who have kids the same age as my daughter so that we can socialize as a family.

    Unlike the friendships we had during our school/college days, some relationships here do have an expiry date. For example, when I was living in another city earlier, I was close with one of my daughter's classmate family. We used to meet in the park almost everyday, go to libraries together etc. But ever since I moved to another city, we just message very rarely. That doesn't mean we are no longer friends. Its just that we don't do activities together due to proximity issues.
     
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  7. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Otherwise there is no longevity to the relationship as far as I know. And why do you want to put your energy into such relationships if it is not going to last.

    Yes efforts from both sides are important.
    I have only 2 sets of friends where I live - one I met at my kids school, they are not of same grade but a year younger. But we (parents and kids) got along very well from beginning and we have been friends for almost 3 years now. Another family is whom my husband knows from college, I got along with them, even if I didn't know them until 2 years ago. These people are in town and we visit when we can. we (just me and my husband) call and check in, because we like to do it, they don't always do it, but once we put in the effort they definitely reciprocates. But if it was just one of the spouses, the relationship is difficult. Just like you, I tried, but the friendships never thrived more than a few weeks!!!
     
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  8. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Do you have your own girl gang?

    Like you have ladies to go out for lunch,
    Dinner or some Concerts and even I know of ladies who do vacations together..

    I don’t know how they do it.I guess socializing should be in our blood...
     
  9. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Nope. This is what I said, I tried, but those relationships never thrived. I could do it with one of my friends locally, but since the families get on well together so we always do it as a family event.

    I have two friends who are just my friends - I am not friends with their husbands, but they live far away, our relationships stay only on phones!! But we might do a girls trip sometime in future. We have been talking about it, my DH was never supportive of it. This is one other reason why I do not have my own gang, he doesn't like me to go out with just my friends because he will have to take care of the kid and house. And we get only weekends to do any fun stuff as a family.

    Most of the people i know here who have girl friends locally have been here for years - over 15 or so in the same place, same house etc. That is not my case. Most Indian ladies here where I live they do not prefer to hang out separately!!
     
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  10. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    I have. Girl gangs or family groups, both are fun and hard. Need a lot of tolerance and patience as you don’t know which one is gona lose it and when.

    Like in one group, this one friend spoke behind half the group to each other and went on a spree of you know what she said about you to those and it caused a rift and in the end, made her stand and told her to stop telling others about what the others say. No one wants to split but just careful with that person now. Still Together.

    In another group, this lady targeted one lady and separated anyone who was close to that lady from the main group. Group split.

    In one family group, this one family got close with another, and not bother calling the rest. It hurt the rest, but now the rest doesn’t care and having their fun too. Still together.

    Girl / family vacations are lot of fun if you go with the right people. Key tip: you don’t necessarily need to stick together for 24/7 until unless you have taken a package together. Some space helps. Especially if it’s more than a weekend.
    If wrong group, the group won’t exist after the trip. Or atleast won’t see each other for a whileeeeee.

    I move a lot, thus ended up with different group of people in my life. So there are many examples of both good and bad like this. Jus like how every relationship is complicated, this is too. If someone says it’s easy, they are lying or aren’t close to those people. There are politics, drama, stupid things, ego, many things involved, there’s also happiness, fun, frolic, support, silly happy nonsense, have people, etc.

    I don think it’s in their blood to be social, atleast not for everyone. This needs our time and efforts, some adjustments, sacrifice, tolerance, patience. As an introvert, it takes even more for me. But is all that pain worth it ? For me, Absolutely!

    Just like everything, this also has its own good and bad. You build your own relationship with whom you like and some strength and tolerance makes it easier to deal with stupid or evil people.

    But am of a belief that some girls time is necessary to unwind. It really makes one feel good. That could even be a good shopping spree or a movie outing or a street food walk with one girlfriend. Good hearty laughs and some nonsense.
     

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