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Is There Ever A Wrong Time Or Reason To Divorce?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Jun 5, 2020.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Background - Sometimes when a divorce happens, one of the two does not want the marriage to end. If we are close to this person, we might view the divorce-initiator as selfish or heartless. If we are close to the divorce-initiator, we might think this is sad but everyone has a right to pursue their happiness.

    We read in one thread about a woman who waited till the kids were off to college and then divorced her husband due to her longstanding dissatisfaction with the marriage. The man ended up totally lost in life and moved back to India with his parents. Other reasons for divorce can be: falling in love with someone else, falling out of love, total lack of intellectual compatibility, shuddering at the thought of spending decades together, differing view points about money ... the list is endless.

    Question - Is there ever a morally wrong time or reason to divorce?
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    Last edited: Jun 5, 2020
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    These Covid times have made me get in touch with friends and relatives that I hadn't talked to in years or even decades. We revisited some divorces that had shocked us as kids and upon some divorces that we felt a little sad about as we had been to the weddings. It was nice to know that quite a few had remarried, and most that hadn't were single by choice.

    A million years ago, my parents explained to the young and freshly rebellious feminist in me why an "uncle" they respected so much had divorced his bed-ridden wife in his early-thirties. She was the one who told him to go lead a happy life, and he did so after ensuring her well-being and future care.

    My views on this have evolved with time. And will continue to, I guess. So far, I think, being unhappy but continuing in a marriage out of a sense of duty, pity or fear of society is a form of unfaithfulness. It is hard to say that a particular reason for divorce is morally wrong. Often, that reason is only the last straw and not the sole reason. About timing, yes, the divorce-initiator can try to be human and not spring it on the other person at times like loss of a job, parent, serious illness or other such life event.
     
  3. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    I need link of that thread, can u please post link?
     
  4. Sreevidyaa

    Sreevidyaa Bronze IL'ite

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    Everyone has their own reasons and as an outsider none would be able to understand why and what went wrong.

    Morally wrong time - can be possible! I know a relationship where there had always been dissatisfaction for more than a decade. They had just lived under one roof, that’s all hearsay. I don’t know what went wrong and from when exactly but know that it’s been atleast a decade. All I knew about their initial few years of marriage was that the couples were happy.

    They ended in divorce after the kids went to college and one spouse wasn’t the initiator though going ahead with the mutual divorce. I was thinking that since they weren’t in good terms since more than a decade if they had sought divorce then, there was a possibility for them to find a new partner and move ahead in their life. Not that they cannot find one now, but chances diminish with age. Their divorce had left one with more financial loss and stress and thereby ruining their retirement plans or future plans. Since I am aware of some of their personalities I could think that they drifted apart way too early in marital life. But why they stayed together - was for kids sake. One can’t help but wonder about why not divorce earlier itself as everyone has the right to move ahead in life.

    I don’t know about the thread you had told but there could be a morally good reason as well for seeking divorce at later years of life.

    Morally wrong or right question will be biased based on how one looks at the situation and whether one gets affected by it personally. For me the above situation made me think that one was used and thrown away but from their real life view the couples may not had felt so. Don’t know. Whether wrong or right life goes on and so do we. Given an example which I know.
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2020
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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  6. Sreevidyaa

    Sreevidyaa Bronze IL'ite

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    That thread shows the woman wasn’t morally wrong to seek divorce. She had already voiced her discontent to her husband already about not being able to provide carer support to her in-laws. Inspite of her refusal the husband had proceeded to bring his parents. Fine, but he wasn’t able to take care of them after divorce which implies he had been relying on his wife to be the carer. When one is relying on their wife for such things then it implies that he should give respect for her views as well. In USA there is no help daily for household chores and it takes a huge physical toll on the wife if she had to take care of her in-laws and kids together. Why did the in laws feel that it’s their son’s duty to take care of the parents and not their daughter’s who was staying near their home?

    Anyhow there is no point in brooding about it now, they had made the mistake and now their son is paying for it. An example for others to learn. Do not make any one sided decision and later regret.
     
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  7. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    I really find these useless spinoff threads in bad taste . What is the purpose of these threads which are derived from someone’s personal problems ? you can do better than this .
     
  8. Whyme20

    Whyme20 Silver IL'ite

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    IMO right time for divorce depends upon the concerned person's realisation that they need divorce. It also depends upon the individual capacity to plunge into the unknown along with tolerance towards how they will be treated by the rest of the world. Some people like to cling to the institution of marriage even if they have had a life full of misery and others call it quits on minor incompatibilities. Since the lock down I am contemplating divorce and I know that is the path I will walk down in a few years time. My husband is still unaware of how I feel. For me the right time for cutting my marital cords will be when my son is at uni. I do not feel that every divorce is unfortunate. In fact my take on divorce is that it's a blessing or a passage for people to close the door which wasn't meant for them. There is no time limit to get divorced. it can be a week after getting married or after 50 years. There is not any kind of violence or torture in my married life. It's just that in past a few weeks I figured out that I got married only to satisfy the society. I have been emotionally absent from my marriage almost most of the time. Our society has these unspoken norms married by 25, kids within two years that too a girl and a boy and stay married till death. Which we believe we have to tick. In my case I believe I would expect the process to be amicable, I have no hard feelings for my husband.
     
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  9. shama146

    shama146 Gold IL'ite

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    Exactly my thoughts on divorce. Each one of us is different, hence no particular time for divorce. Can be months for one or be 30 years for another.
     
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