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Is there a way to make relationship better between parents and in laws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sricharani, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. sricharani

    sricharani Senior IL'ite

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    Hi, This has been pondering in my mind ever since I hv been married for the past 6 years. the relationship between my parents and in laws have not been really good, and most of the time mil ends up ignoring my parents or being offensive with them on every silly chance she might get. Although I stay abroad, this happens whenever there is a chance for them to meet (during functions or so). I would say she has the conservative mentality of thinking that the girl's parents should show great respect and should follow all the formal protocols while interacting with the inlaws. Which ofcourse I think is dumb and I have told her too.
    I was just wondering if there is any way the relationship could be improved between them. It would be just a great peace to see both in laws and parents in good terms without having the mental tension of parents getting offended or ignored...
    Just let know your thoughts...:thumbsup
     
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  2. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    I also want to know if this is possible at all :rotfl.
    Also if any new device is being invented in US/ UK/ elsewhere to read their minds & hence react accordingly to keep them happy.
     
  3. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    sricharani
    for past 1 1/2 yr things have been worsened but never got better
    i really wonder if some tips help
    i am sure mil will never listen to our tips and i dont think parents can do any better
     
  4. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Relationships cannot be forced. When you clearly know that your MIL is hostile and offensive, it good to try and limit your inlaws and parents interaction. Only have them talk or meet when absolutely necessary. Also try to be a buffer and protect your parents from mil's words ...

    Other than that there is nothing you can possibly do to fix this.
     
  5. anjalika400

    anjalika400 Junior IL'ite

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    there are some situations which are better off when left untouched.I have the same experience . My ils never really acknowledged my parents existence in my life.They never talk about them or ask for their well being. They avoid any sort of invitations to my parents place. Surprisingly they never had any arguments or conflicts ever. It is just like my ILs always decided to ignore my parents as if they are not mention worthy.. I guess they were never willing to build any good rapport in apprehension that their son may get close to my family which they'll never like.So it is their weapon to send the message to their son that we don't like them and they are quite successful.Because my DH also maintains minimum interactions with my family for no reason which sometimes looks very rude and makes me look awkward in front of my family.After experiencing this sort of humiliation over and over agin for years, I am a loyal follower of my DH and his family now. I don't call them ever or never willingly talk to them unless DH literally can't avoid the situation to give me the phone.Like they have been doing for years,I never ask for their well being or anything about their relatives or don't bother to wish ils or my sil and her family on occasion .I never stay at my DH's house where they will always come and stay duing our india visit and behave like it is their house and we are the guests there.They never ever care to call us on any occasion or just to say hi once in a while but my mil used to complain for me not calling them and being in touch and giving them updates.I didn't feel like answering her back and kept going my way. They all stopped asking eventually after a short while.All these treatments my family and I have been receiving since the beginning though we were never at any fault hurt me for years and made me really feel for my parents.I know they are decent enough to not take such crappy attitude from an inferior stratam of people. I decided to make sure that they all must get a good return of their strategic movement.
    so in my opinion why bother to make a good relationship between the two families when they are culturally ethically and socially different and discrete in every other aspect .Most importantly if one side can never get out of their false ego or insecurities or whatever crap they have in their mind, this endeavor is never going to work out inspite of all good intentions.

    I never understood how these narrow minded ils expect that being decent with the DIL is what they can do at best to earn her respect and obedience while they themselves or their son is never bothered to show any courtesy or intimacy or recognitions to the girl's family.
     
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2009
  6. anjalika400

    anjalika400 Junior IL'ite

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    Sorry about my double post
     
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2009
  7. sricharani

    sricharani Senior IL'ite

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    Anjalika well said. MILs always think that we DILs and our families have no other job than snatching their Dear Sons away from them. I am sick of my MIL's behaviour towards my family and now I hv started limiting my interactions with them unless it's necessary
     
  8. sujanags

    sujanags Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Sricharani,

    Yes, sometimes it happens when DIL has good relationship with in-laws/ relatives of in-laws (but first priority goes to MIL) . Based on how she cares/ treats/ behaves with MIL, it will be reflected to the girl's parents.

    There are some cases where even if DIL treats MIL nicely, they don't share good relationship with the girl's parents.
     
  9. sarajara

    sarajara Gold IL'ite

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    hey sricharani!

    A very nice topic, which every lady would want to discuss about!

    Me too sailing in the same boat as urs and anjalikas!

    My DH also follows my MIL in this regard and some times i feel that
    I can never trust my DH even for he never bothers / respects/ rather give a damn about not hurting them atleast!

    MIL - she is stable - as good as she can be towards me and am the only person who came in to te family after our wedding.

    Such ppl can never be changed. Also such ppl doesnt deserve to enter our households that has nurtured us since our birth.

    Hence i rightfully keep them away from hurting my darling parents who have spent their life and blood for my current life today!

    SO its better to keep ur parents peaceful and away from insults rather than tring to Gel UR ILs with ur parents! - ITs not good for ur parents in the first place.
     
  10. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi dear.

    In my married life this is the one thing that I have been facing for the past 4 yrs. Parents and in laws fight.
    Hmm where to begin. right from the marriage to till date. My PILS have problem with my parents. You know the funny part even before marriage they had problem. But Their DS did not like the girls they have shown him in his trip from US to India and my Miser FIL did not want to spend more money on his DS another trip so even though they did not like my parents they got me married for the only reason that after marriage we could cut contacts with her parents. Do you gus beileve this? My parents stay at Mumbai my PILs at HYd till date it's been 4 yrs my Pils did not go and visit my parents. They did not visit their DILs house??? Our marriage happened in Hyd after that my parents only go there vist them call them for which they behave rude rude rudely....I coud not explain more. My PIls said that they will not come to Mumbai but my parents should come every month to Hyd take them to hotles and movies and all and they should show respect and blah blah blah. Which my parents were not ok and many more thing hapened becoz of which they asked me to cut contacts with my parents. see even today's dat such orthodox narrow minded people exist. I stay in US so I am in touch with my parents everyday no matter what my inlaws think. let them think anything I don't think I am doing anything wrong in talking with my parents I am not talking to my boyfrind or something.But my inlaws are feeling happy thinking that I am not in touch with them let them think like that good for them. My DH is not talking to my parents for the past 3 yrs.:drowninghmm parents inlaws fight. I really wish if there could be any formula any instrument to make things better between the two sets. :( I keep faith in god and wiating that someday everything will bhappen fine. I keep on asking God to remove these family clashes from my life :(I hope someday that everything sort out. my DH stayed at my place in mumbai for only 8 hrs. This is how much he spent with my parents in these 4 yrs and i have spent hell lot with his sisters and parents as they keep on coming to US . They expect me to not to call my parents at all and to talk to their daughters and to them for long long hours and to show affection to them bloody how the hell will I love them? I don't love my inlaws and I don't think it is my fault at all. my Parents inlaws are so affectionate to their son inlaws family and so so so adamnat and rude to my parents.I wish things were different.:hide:.
     

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