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Is there a Happiness in women's life after marriage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by revathikishore, Mar 9, 2016.

  1. revathikishore

    revathikishore New IL'ite

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    Just a simple question, All women's here , they don't know when they will get marriage most probably to strangers....But after starting the marriage life with a new person, its totally new and a fantasy life for us. But when it goes a long time of years some one get bored in it. But after you got kids you lead a new life. In a big or small family we can't live socially. Most probably at south india. Who cares?
     
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  2. IniyaaSri

    IniyaaSri IL Hall of Fame

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    Good question dear!! But am not sure whether this can be posted here. Since its story section :hide: Am sorry if I am going to be wrong!!
     
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  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Revathi, the word 'fantasy' says it all and indicated the cause of a lot of 'unhappiness' in married life. People go in with unreasonable and unrealistic expectations - ideas from rosy, romantic films? So the important thing is people getting married need to be mature enough to sift fact from fantasy/fiction and have realistic expectations. That would solve half the problems.

    Didn't quite understand what you mean by "can't live socially". I can understand there is not a lot of privacy in joint families, but in 'small' family?

    Also marital problems are a world wide phenomenon, not just Indian and "south Indian" at that!
     
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  4. revathikishore

    revathikishore New IL'ite

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    Nice to hear your reply friend. Socially means as a women i need to get permission for all the steps to be taken forward with my husband. But when i was at my family i can make decision on my own. So there are many questions like this.

    Yes of course all indian women has this problem, not only south indian. But we cant agree with worldwide. As some country womens have some moral to their own life.
     
  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    You can't generalize like this.

    There are so much happiness after marriage too. In fact, you get an identity and you work towards forming your own family only after marriage. Before marriage, it was a life full of targets. Such as passing the exams, getting a job, getting married on time, getting in the good books of the society; hence can't do things independently.
    But as a married woman, I feel now is the time I live independently and happily when it comes to my social life.

    Marriage brings so much responsibilities too. But these responsibilities are not dumped on you by someone else, but you.
    You chose to have kids, you chose to build a home, you chose to up-lift your life standards and live. So, you work towards it.
    Although it may seem tiresome, it gives you maximum satisfaction.

    If you are feeling suppressed and controlled in your life after marriage, then it seems you are married to a wrong partner.
    Or may be you are having a wrong expectation towards marriage. Either way it is high time you have an introspection.
     
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  6. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    The biggest problem lies in thinking happiness is dependent on marriage. If you were unhappy to begin with, marriage is not going to change anything. The right question should be will you be unhappy after marriage. That is totally dependent on the person. If they chose to be unhappy, then they will be unhappy. Nobody can give you happiness. If you choose to be happy, you will be. If you think you are doing the right thing, then you will be happy, no matter what. But if you are under confusion, then it will cause unhappiness. If you tie your happiness to a person or a financial state or any other state, you are doomed. For me, happiness is tied to giving and receiving love. For me love is attention. Unfortunately I did not get that from anyone to be frank. While I was a kid, I had specs, my younger brother was fairer and looked very radiant. So everyone would praise him and this used to make me very jealous and unhappy. With time, I started to ignore it. As luck would have had it, the same thing is happening with my husband too. He looks younger and more energetic than me. And he never pays me any attention. Till a few months back, I was calm and satisfied thanks to prayers and being busy. I always had a hope that tomorrow will be a better day and used to be agile physically though not mentally. Then I found something that disturbed my mind totally. At a time when I was exhausted trying to balance work and home, I found out I needed to put ten times the effort into everything. I am trying to spring back up, I am getting some help, but I keep switching between states of depression and energy. It is frustrating. I don't know if I should ignore, take it easy and be happy or worry. I know I should not, but the worry part overtakes my thoughts a lot of times. I think I mixed up ambition with love and the end result is what I am facing today. Be contented with what life gives, try to work harder to get things, ignore the bad and try to highlight the positives, concentrate on God and you will be happy, married or not.
     
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  7. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,

    Not a fantasy from my perspective. If I think marriage is fantasy, then I would also have to think as my life as a fantasy!!

    No, not bored at all, infact opposite, starts to appreciate the good character in the person and also to try to ignore the negative aspects. None is flawed in this world, including ourselves, our parents and our children and every thing else in this world. There was a fantastic thread by Viswa Sir ( Thanks @Viswamitra) which showed that vegetables are wasted basically because of flawed shapes, probably attributed to some genetic or unforeseen issues in their growth. Same principle applies to humans and everything else in this world. All we need is ability to appreciate people around and ability to adjust and appreciate what we have with us and never would life be boring. So would never tell living with one's partner is going to be boring, even after living many years with her/him.

    Yes, a blessing given by God and would change a person's life, and also make your marital life happier in some way. Having said that, kids alone are not going to be your life's happiness, which would create a false sense of happiness. A happy married couple even without their own kids ( meant genetically) can find happiness in their life. I have a cousin who has a lovely husband and they decided to adopt a girl and now their family is full. So a kid doesn't necessarily have to be from their own genes, you need a happy marriage and kids would make it happier, but doesn't have to be their own ( I meant genetically, since the sentence implies like this).

    So finally, from my perspective marriage isn't a fantasy and if a person is blessed can make it a fruitful one and enjoy it and share happiness and the sufferings that we encounter in our life's journey. You might agree or disagree with my perspectives, but that is the beauty of life, to have different views of life.

    Regards,
    Vaidehi
     
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