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Is Ther Any1 Else Like Me...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Itshardship, Aug 31, 2019.

  1. Itshardship

    Itshardship New IL'ite

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    Not sure if this is right place to post this still.. I write it.... Pls help me with your views

    Has anyone here felt like me or atleast heard of something like this... If so how to handle it... I m not writing this for pity., but I realy dono why is it like this for me...

    I m so unfortunate that none likes me or talks good about me... Everyone ignore me avoid me... Sometime 1 person will be a good friend of mine will be realy close and talk nicely and all of sudden they would avoid me completely... If it was somewherr sometime only once its fine... When I see through it its jus the same thing happening to me again and again... Same way every other friend will disappear... Same way every relative will defame me and avoid me... Same way I get treated by my husband.... Nowadays he thinks its disgrace to say me as his wife... Same way for every auspicious day I m ignored by God not to be part of it or to celebrate it....

    Now I m fed up of this history repeat and all I want to do is only shut myself in a room forever till my last breath.. But I m unable to do that due to my 2yr old baby.... Why can't this torture go away from my life.... What's wrong... What mistake I make I dono... What if tomo my child also thinks its disgrace to call me his mother...
     
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  2. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    Am sorry to hear the depth of frustration that you are facing! Do not think of all things together, and you may feel nothing is working well for you. Consider each situation separately and try to see , if there was really something u did wrong and rubbed people the wrong way or so. Try to consciously not do anything wrong, or say the wrong things etc. If unknown to you, you feel everyone is against you, it is time for you to just calm down, think positively and do the best you can. Maybe your insecurity and diffidence is felt by those in close contact with you, and react accordingly.
    Cheer up, be positive and take care of your child and do not give too much importance to others feeliings for you. Once you are confident and go about your business happily you will find others also will not have the mind to put you down and talk ill of you. Hope this helps.
     
    SinghManisha, periamma and Anusha2917 like this.
  3. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    I am sorry you feel the way you do. It seems like more of self esteem issue to me. A self confident person automatically gets respect from others while people will not hesitate to put down someone with lower self esteem.
    You should see a counselor first and work on what is causing this. Somethings we overthink other persons reaction.i doubt every single person in your life does not like you.

    You have a daughter, you need set an example for her by being confident about yourself.

    For your daughter’s sake, see a counselor and clarify why you feel the way you do.
     
    periamma, Anusha2917 and joylokhi like this.
  4. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    How is this? I am curious to know how did you conclude this and come up with this statement and can you elaborate with an example?

    Op I feel it's all in your mind. People aren't ignoring you but you are only feeling that.

    Do you have siblings? Have you shared this with them how you are feeling?what about your parents?

    To gain confidence and socialize I would suggest you adopt any of the following :

    1) If you are housewife then try to take up a job for yourself. You don't have to earn to support your family but some small job will give you an opportunity to socialize with colleagues and you will be getting some financial independence also..

    2) Try to join a small course in your area of interest. Craft making, baking, Yoga, gym, swimming etc etc. Whatever you like. By interacting with some people you will not feel ignored.

    3) do you stay in an apartment? If yes talk to neighbors and interact with them. Slowly once you form your friends circle organise some pool lunch with ladies in your housing society .

    4) Facebook instagram etc etc lot of social networking sites are available. Find your school/college friends and see who is in your city and try to meet them over a coffee, go for movies/shopping etc with them.

    I don't know what else to say. As Manisha said you need to be an example for your daughter. Make an effort to come out of this mindset. All you need is self confidence. Nothing else.
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  5. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    the symptoms in OP seem more dire than mere talk would fix.
    I would recommend a clinical visit to an actual prescription writer, and get some pharmaceutical help. The cost of anti-depressants is low these days, and some are close to that of a soft-drink.
     
  6. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Counselling is not as famous /common in India as its in the west.
    I personally don't know anyone in friends and family circle who have taken up counselling when faced with Adversities, small or big. (or they may choose to remain discreet which I'm not sure )

    Unless OP is staying in a country where there is easy access to such medicines mentioned or easy approachabilty to a counselor it wouldn't help much .

    Siblings /mum/close aunt /friends etc are some counsellors one could approach easily in this country.

    3 - 4 years back when I was low my general physician who used to treat me for flu n fever was my counsellor who helped me a lot with . Meeting him and addressing my concerns and taking his solutions was so therapeutic.

    Don't mean to say counselling is not an option. But it's something not very popular here in India.
     
  7. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    Once upon a time in India, when relatives were genuinely caring, and when people meant what they say, the smiles and laughs were from the heart, we never had to botherdepression, anxiety and such.

    Now there's apprehension that your deep secrets, if spoken, will be used against you, and hence more and more people are feeling lonely in a crowd.

    Anyway who cares,rich and alone >>> alone. let me buy some pharma stock that makes anti-depressants.
     
  8. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    @Amulet Dire yes, but one should definitely try counseling before poping pills.
    @Anusha2917 i do agree with you, counseling is not as common in India. But I hear a lot of my extended family and friends seeking marital counseling in in India these days. So I assume and hope things are changing.
    Indian women ( specially my generation) need counselors , dealing with all the social, cultural and family drama. Just to make them aware that they are ok and not lacking in any aspect.




     
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  9. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    It is clear that you are depressed. Only a psychiatrist could assess the depth of your problem and prescribe medication for that.
    Feeling low once in a while is normal. Feeling as if ignored by others is real. But feeling this much low to the point of feeling ignored by God is too much, and not normal at all.
    Better you seek help sooner.

    But as a quick remedy, let me tell you something.
    After reading your post, I quickly snapped out what's in store for me in this life.
    Well, I don't think I have anyone to call as my best friend. There were couple of best buddies here and there at each stage of my life, but everyone disappeared with time and I sometimes don't even have contacts with those besties now.
    Many times, I have the urge to see them or reconnect with them... I even at times try my best to locate and contact. But some reciprocate, some don't even recognize and some ignore.

    I have so many relatives who hate me. Starting from my in laws (they don't even talk to me), there are many extended relatives who don't like me.

    Well, I have had my shares of problems with my H. But how I react to everything in life, and how I approach life as a whole is what makes me as a person. That person in me is what others see me.
    So, all in all, close people like my H or my close relatives or buddies will see me and treat me depending on how I conduct myself as a person.
    I have always been very positive, happy, energetic and lively person in life. This, for no doubt attract many, including my close buddies.

    Although I have almost similar negative experience in life (as shared above), what is different in me is the way how I take it.
    1) Yes, my besties left me. I don't feel sad for those who forgot me, or those who don't wanna reconnect. My feelings are neutral for those who separated due to circumstance and are ready to reconnect.
    Otherwise, I don't feeling bad for anything. Because I will always have a bestie to enjoy life at every stage of my life. Just because I don't have a bestie for life, doesn't mean i am alone.
    Even today, I went for lunch with one of my newest bestie who happens to be my colleague too.

    2) Yes, my relatives don't like me. Specially my PILs and other extended relatives.
    It is because I am brutally honest and I can't act all the time. I can't mingle with people who are far different than my personality. Perhaps, I can maintain a basic relationship with them, but when it comes to close relatives it always sinks.
    I don't worry about it. Because I know that I cant stoop too low as per their level to maintain this relationship alive. I am happy and even proud that I could stay strong without compromising my grounds. Because I have other relatives who are fond of me, and who compensate the lost buddies in life.

    3) I don't mind the fights I have with my H or even the unfortunate events that happen in my life where one could blame God.
    I am not unhappy because I know I am an average human and it is normal for a human to have ups and downs in life. But I know this too shall pass.
    I am someone who doesn't miss the second chance in life if I happened to get one.
    You can always patch up with H and be romantic after any argument.
    You can always go to temple/church another time/day to make up the lost relationship with God.
    And if that is to happen, what is there to lose????
     
  10. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Listen to the brief introduction spoken by the violinist Kanyakumari. She suggests specific raga therapy for specific symptoms. Then give it a try...

    I would recommend an eyepatch (this concentrates your attention by restricting other senses), while you listen to the therapeutic music. Best listened when lying down, eyes closed, in low volume, and not walking about doing chores with this on an earbud.

     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2019

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