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Is silence golden?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by kanaka Raghavan, Aug 13, 2007.

  1. kanaka Raghavan

    kanaka Raghavan IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear friends
    Do you think silence is golden?I do not think so.T alking out solves lot of problems.When we have some misunderstanding within in the family members,I feel we should talk it out rather than keeping quiet.I feel in the present world unless one talks out nothing gets done.In some places we need to .Even problems among inlaws gets solved.When we express our views,we can get the views of others ,then we are able to judge better and come to good conclusion.See in ILadies we are able to ta;lk freely and get lots of reactions.It relieves us of our tension and worries.I still remember there was a note in my autograph signed by one my collegemates,it was as follows,THE GATES OF NIRMALA COLLEGE CAN BE CLOSED BUT NOT THE MOUTH OF KANAKA''.Talking with our children goes a long way.
     
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  2. Tulasi

    Tulasi Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Kanaka,
    I totally agree with you. Even Iam like you, I believe in talking out. Solving the problem
    Tulasi
     
  3. madhu11

    madhu11 Bronze IL'ite

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    Kanaka,
    I don't know why people say silence is golden. But I think one should talk. You can't read peoples mind. Being silence can put a lot of stress, its only when u
    can able to talk u will be relieved of stress and tension. May be silence is golden can only be for somethings not all.
     
  4. malspie

    malspie Platinum IL'ite

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    I would like to view it from both the sides.I would like to quote my experience for clarity.

    Primarily, I believe in talking and i talk. Whatever little doubt is there in my mind is always discussed and cleared. I never feel shy to say, " I do not know". or " I am new to it". When I feel i am right I am vocifeours. When I feel I am wrong I am on my knees with a loud SORRY.

    You need to talk and need to be heard else people will misunderstand you. Your opinions whether taken or shredded never matters. You should be able to speak.

    I have seen even best friends do not give their views, just pass it with " Its her life". Thats not correct. We need to discuss we need to talk. Most the heart breaks and tears is due to lack of communication. Practice a neat discussion, at the most it may lead to an argument, and if you feel its not reaching anywhere just pause and say lets discuss it later.

    Send a sms saying you felt you were hurting the other person and hence decided to end it there. It works wonders. The argument is over forever. A mutual settlment is waiting out there. GRAB IT.

    Now the other side of the coin is if you are discussing with a habitual debater, fighter, moron all that I feel you need to pity yourself. I had a female acquaintance who would just enter in to an argument even with petty discussions. She had a habit of stretching things out to nowhere. I would get very irrritated with her habit. But, I analysed her character and have found people with such habits are feeling lonely somewhere and are stretching debates to just hold on to the conversation. They are too egoistic to admit they need some solace in life. Instead, they land up with nobody as their habits keep people at bay.

    For me silence is killing. I cannot live with a person who practices it. I would prefer to live alone.

    NOT MY TYPE.. NO ... NEVER
     
  5. sellakili

    sellakili Senior IL'ite

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    Dear pals

    Yup, Silence is golden at times. I had a bitter experience with my friend... ofcourse a better experience to learn the life lesson...

    I am staying with my 2 friends and all of us are working in same company! i had faced a problem with one among them... little misunderstandings... small small cold wars... now a big crack came in our friendship....

    we were sharing all the expenses among us... she used to maintain the account... Every month we used to get an amount around 400 each.... But she never showed the accounts to anyone... Bluntly she used to tell and we all used to give the amount without putting a word!

    One month she told the amount as 650/- per head... I wondered how cum... and asked her we did nt get anything big for that month in common... so with the indent to know y nearly 250 came extra....

    She simply said i dont know... i had written like that ... as such.. such a irresponsible answer .... i thought she was in some other mood! I gave her the full amount and told her when your free , just calculate and find y extra Rs 250x3 came..

    She repeatedly said i jus donno... She used to maintain details in her pocket diary.. I had already told them to maintain a notebook and we ll maintain it as such.. and they are least bothered.... So i said ok fine keep ur diary or whatever in which u maintain accounts in a common place so that every one can maintain in the same.. Her face turned :evil: :mad: ...and she said ok in a anger face...

    The next day very morning itself she came... i didnt even wokeup properly... she throwed the 250 rs in my bed...and told i didnt take ur 250... i dont want ... bla...bla ...she shouted and ran...i called her... and told stand and talk what you want to talk calmy... and dont run, i said cooly...

    she told that i m not in a need of ur money... this... that and all....
    Later i stoppped talking! and sent a mail to both of my friends...that it is afterall 250 for me and u ... my intention is to have a calculation without confusion....

    So better not to speak out in bitter situations! Silence is golden... Now i am being silent... Imagine she is friend of mine from my college days.... almost 6 years we stayed in same room.... So better be silent when situations go bad!
    Letter can better speak than words

    love
    chella....
     
  6. Manjureddy

    Manjureddy Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Kanaka
    When I saw Hemamalini's interview in Headlines Today channel yesterday, i immediately thought of your post ! The lady has been nominated to Rajya Sabha to so some socially useful and productive work, but other than putting in an appearance as a beautiful show piece she has not been doing much . Then, just when everyone was about to dismiss her as a dumb doll, she opened her mouth to raise an issue.....and royally stuffed her foot into it ! Her question in RS was : why Excise duty should not be cut on Reverse Osmosis water purifiers.
    Now the news channel fellows approach her :
    " why did u raise this question"
    she says " In the interest of public, i want all to have good water"
    Fine,
    " Do you know the current rate of excise duty ?"
    "no"
    " Do you know what reverse osmosis is ?"
    "no"
    " How many people will be benefitted with such a cut ?"
    " i want all to have good water"
    " what percentage of indians use water filters ?"
    " i will check and tell u"
    " you dint do your homework"
    " yes"

    Towards the end of the interview, she starts getting a glassy eyed distracted look .
    Wouldnt it have been better if she maintained golden silence in the RS ?

    rgds
    manjula
     
  7. meenu

    meenu Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear All,
    There ARE both sides to the coin.But being open and warm with a cultivated determination not to misunderstandand and not to be mis understood, we can go a long positive path towards establishing and maintaining good relationships. Whenever we talk or keep silent we should not do it at the cost ok breaking a nourished relationship. Tongue, if not used with discretion ,can be man's greatest enemy.
    Regards,
    Meenu
     
  8. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    A husband and wife were disagreeing with each other and the silent treatment was under way! The silence continued, when a week later the husband needed to get up at 5am to catch a business flight. His alarm clock wasn't working, and he grudgingly realized that he needed his wife to wake him up.

    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote down on a piece of paper, "Please wake me up at 5 tommorow morning so I can catch my flight," and put it on her pillow before she came to bed.

    The next morning he awoke to find that it was 9am, he heard his wife in the kitchen, and he had missed his flight. He noticed a note on his pillow, "It's 5am... Wake up!"

    So you need to talk when it is necessary. Here for example chella's case, when the small cold wars started you should have all sat and discussed it across a cup of tea. Maybe started with "have i hurt you if so i am sorry". just saying sorry does not mean you are weak, it means you are braver and have the courage to say so.


    But silence in a relationship can make you think as in my case. Some time in the past, i was having a kind of restlessness, so used to pick up arguments and it used to blow out into big fights with hubby dear. but hubby just will not argue :bangcomp: and i used to again start vayilla enna kozhukattaiah....?? he will just sit listening and allow me to vent. the next day he will give answers to all my kutrapathrikai and all.............. and tell me when u are very angry even if i tell you something right it will not sound right since you feel you are hurt, so by being silent I am helping you feel better.


    The parent and child relationship again you need to talk, but you have to talk keeping in mind that you are their friend rather than the parent,the moment you bring out the parent the child clams up. It leads to lot of problems later when the child does not want to talk or confide with us.

    Sometimes being outright spoken people also land up in problems.

    Again Talking for the pleasure listening to one's own voice i think is a condition right???:mrgreen:

    You know that a true intimacy has developed in a relationship when you and your beloved can hold each other in a loving silence, without any expectation, just the quiet joy of being together. And I love this silence the best:2thumbsup:
     
  9. sellakili

    sellakili Senior IL'ite

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    Nice post shanthi...i liked ur last few lines......
     
  10. manjumnair

    manjumnair Silver IL'ite

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    Good Post, Shanthi.

    Even I have the same experience with my husband. He just keep quiet, when I start an argument. I have a very bad habit of getting angry for even small issues. Cannot control myself and will speak out. But my husband is just the opposite. He controls his anger and stay silent. After a day, we talk and settle the issues. I think, in my case, my hubby's silence makes things better.

    But one need to speak when it is necessary. It is absolutely necessary to solve problems through communication, among friends, between relatives, husband-wife, parents & children...

    I am not an outspoken person in public... I speak very well with people I know... But very difficult to speak to people whom I do not know. My silence has posed many problems for me in life... :oops:

    But as malspie tells, even I cannot live with a person who keeps silent all the time... I like to talk to people, mingle with everyone, so that I will not feel lonely. I chat with my friends and with my mother for long hours...

    So, to me, Silence is not that Golden always... though golden silence is essential at some points of life!!!!!!
     

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