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Is Property Worth My Self-respect?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by beautifullife30, Apr 11, 2022.

  1. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    It’s ridiculous, I agree. But balance this against the value of your property and your peace of mind once everything gets settled.
     
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  2. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    Just bite the bullet and get it done. If other party pays this amount then you will lose the land. See if they have some document and property tax in their name then it makes everything harder for you. I would say pay this amount and set a deadline to speed up things. Just to give an idea the amount of money you need to pay in TN is certain percentage of the value of the property. The minute you reach these people first question they ask us is the value of the property. Just get it done before next election or local election. These posts are in high demand because of money and hence there are frequent transfers. literally it is like you see new face every time. On top of that, these people just take extended medical leave for no reason.
     
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  3. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Is that your dad's property or something your dad jointly owns with his FOO?
    If that is your dad's property, then the issue is pretty much straight forward.
    After your dad, the property must go to your mom, yourself & your sister.
    If your dad's sister or brother are involved in this property, and they are not willing for a smooth transfer, then you must approach this matter through the court.
    But again, you must consider whether this old property in a village is worth all the expenses concerning to a civil court case, the stress and the problems you guys are going through.
    Again, there is no guarantee that this property will come back to you. It will be divided equally or at any given proportion between you, mom & your sister.
    There are your H, your sister's H and your mom are involved in this process.
    So, weigh everything before you start anything!
    I would say, pick your battles!!!

    As for the concerns related to your H....

    I would be angry on him as well.
    He has no right to belittle me in front of others who consider myself as their enemies.
    It is always better to draw a line, and ask your spouse to limit their interaction with your side of the extended families.
    Because, we may have a long history of emotions involved in the relationship, but chose to act as if nothing happen before them.
    This act could give our spouse an indication as if everything is perfect between us.

    For ex: You wouldn't feel this bad if your H discussed your negative traits with your best friend's family or any other close relative. You would have taken it lightly and left it at that.
    We normally use such examples within the family, right?

    But, you are hurt, because you & your aunt's family has a long history of misunderstanding and hatred, which is still very raw.
    Just because you cracked a joke with them, and resumed normal relationship with them doesn't mean your animosity with them is over.
    But, an outsider sees what he sees. For your H, things got resolved. That's all.

    Secondly, as the proverb says, when in Rome do as the Romans do. Like that, when in village, behave like a villager. That will resolve many issues.
    I guess, your H did that for you.

    When elderly villagers talk, they do not like to involve women, especially young women to participate equally. This is something they can't accept. Blame their age old patriarchal culture.
    So, anything that you bring in the discussion could mislead all the attempt of your H to resolve this problem.
    Perhaps, that's why he wanted to silence you. That's why he didn't side with you.
    Perhaps, that's why he tried to bring out your negatives as an example to divert their anger/confusion. Whatever!
     
  4. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    @beautifullife30, the property belongs to your mother, right? Leave your DH out of it and hire a good lawyer on your mother's behalf. Get the matter sorted through the judicial system. That will leave a solid paper trail so your father's siblings can't spread lies about what happened.

    You are not making a mountain out of a molehill. But you are emotional. Property matters need to be managed with a clear head and are best handled through the courts.

    Based on all you have said, your father's relatives are acting out of greed. You don't need their "help." You need them to stop swindling your mother.

    If you do this, he will move the goal posts. There is nothing you or your DH can do to make him voluntarily return the property to your mother.

    Talk to a good lawyer ASAP. Depending on the location of the house, squatters' rights may come into play.

    Do you have recordings of the MRO demanding bribes? Can you take those to your lawyer or to the media as a last resort?

    If she owns the center of the land and you own the surrounding land, you are not obliged to allow her access through your property. She'll have to figure out how to fly in and out or she'll have to beg you for access.
    .
     
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  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @beautifullife30,

    I feel since you don't have original title deeds of your father's property and your grandmom gifting her share to her son (your dad), you are starting from a weaker position to be honest. The Officer knows this situation and hence demanding Rs. 70,000. I agree with @mangaii, bite the bullet and get the ceritified copies of the title deed and gift deed (made by your grandma) first. This gives you the starting point without which you have no room to even claim this property.

    Once you have this, you can file for issue of legal heir or succession certificate by filing each one of your Authar cards, birth certificates of your sister and yourself, marriage proof for your mother with your dad along with your dad's death certificate with the local Tashildar's office. This is also going to cost you more money to get it done. Once this legal heir or succession certificate is issued, you can formally apply to get the property tax registration in your, your sister and mom's name. Remember, when they issue succession certificate, they will issue that the property devolved to you, your sister, your mother and your dad's mother and since your dad's mother is not alive (and she had gifted her share to your father), it will devolve to three of you. That is the law based on what I learned recently.

    I am not sure what documents your aunt used to register the property in her name. Even if she had bribed someone, they won't do it unless there are grounds for her to do it in her name. I wonder what she had in hand. Perhaps, an unregistered will written by your grandmom.

    There is no need for any discussion with your aunt's family. Please drive your decision by considering what is right thing to do instead of mixing too many issues including the aunt's family bad mouthing you. Your mother deserves to have this property in her name.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2022
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  6. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Finest Post Winner

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    Hi Amica,

    Leaving my DH is out of question right now. He is the one doing and taking care of talking to those people. I have gone over this in the past few days and I have decided to hire a lawyer as you suggested and we are in fact in the process of finding a good lawyer - a reliable one actually.

    But i am not sure about dealing either the lawyer or my mother or the relatives all by my own. I am at an emotionally drained state now. We as a family are taking a break right now before we plunge back into the madness of greed, blackmail, gossip and what not.

    Yes, i have the recording of the MRO, infact all the officials who have taken bribes, my own uncle telling me about how he bribed people, inshort every sngle conversation was thankfully recorded. And we have sit and listen to those tapes and note down where which points have to considered sharing with the lawyer.

    Yes, that is the last resort of ours. If she doesnt want ot sell, then i cut off her access to her property. The last resort after relation talking.
     
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  7. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Finest Post Winner

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    The main question is how? That is what me and my husband are trying to figure out. Which MRO is yet ot be bribed by them and is not on their side is to be checked! We roamed around the MRO office for a month to get a copy and till now not a single person has been able to give us the original deed or copy. Evan after paying 40K they are stalling it. I am not sure they have a copy with them at all.

    They are now refusing to change the name on the new copy or create one coz my aunt's name magically came into the picture.

    Exactly, we are unsure what documents she has. She is saying she odesnt have any at all.

    According to her, the panchayat office people called her and took her number and aadhar card and mentione dher name in the property tax bill because accordig to the office guys, we were unavailable at that time and it was the right thing to do for them to put it under her name since she is the closest relative of dad.

    Dont ask me how they even arrived at that idiotic logic. And she had our numbers and was in touch with us but refused ot share our number with them is all the more perplexing.

    Trying to emotionally disinvolve yourself is equally exhausting!
     
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  8. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @beautifullife30,

    The parent documents along with registration in favor of your grandmother will be available in the sub-registrar's office of the right jurisdiction in your area. If you apply for it, they will have to issue a certified copy immediately. We have obtained a certified copy of the parent document ourselves when my brother refused to share the parent documents to me earlier. That is your baseline start to begin this process. Once you have it, you can fight the battle of changing the records with Revenue department.
     
  9. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    This is the correct information. No one can deny giving copy of registered document.
     
  10. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    If your DH is handling matters, trust him, have faith. Don't let a property dispute have a negative impact on your marriage.

    Hats off to you! This may end up being the thing that tips the scales in your favor.

    Are you still hoping to save the relationship with your aunt?

    My prayers are with you, @beautifullife30. I hope you succeed in getting the property back for your mother.
    .
     
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