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is premarital sex right?

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by anurajiv, Jan 7, 2010.

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  1. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Fully agree.

    This whole virginity thing is way overrated. We are no longer in 1980s peoples :idea
     
  2. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    I dont know whether someone observed it or not..but our dear OP just posted this question and disappeared from this thread...:idontgetit:
     
  3. sav86

    sav86 New IL'ite

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    I feel pre-marital sex has nothing to do with purity and being clean to your hubby. Purity should be both in mind and body! Pre-marital sex is not a measure for purity I would say. And more than anything, its very much of a personal choice!
     
  4. ushae

    ushae Silver IL'ite

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    Marrying a widow is a different case as very one knows including bridegroom's parents her ex husband is no longer.

    The news about premartial sex their daughter in law had will definitely not be revealed to groom's parents.

    My simple question is when all other factors are the same which girl (having premartial sex/or without that) will be preferred by parents as their daughter in law

    "Purity is important. Mindwise some one having no premartial sex may be dirty" etc are ok for talks.
     
  5. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    It is entirely up to the person. If they are ok with pre-marital sex then who are we to raise fingers at them? If you don't believe in having pre-marital sex then don't but I don't think you should use it as a measure of the other person's worth.

    I know lots of couples who had premarital sex after their engagement, one couple who lived together before marriage. Few years after marriage, this fact is no longer relevant. Your committment to the marriage takes precedence.

    I also have a couple of friends who engaged in pre-marital sex with people other than whom they got married to. They were ok with it, so who am I to put them down for their choice? If they can live with their conscience then so be it. Personally I may not do it but that does not mean I can't expect others to do the same.

    One of my cousins was in a relationship in college. But his mother was against the girl and the relationship fizzled out. Only after the break-up was it revealed that the couple had sex. Not once, but many times, because they were pretty sure they would get married at some point. Now they are both married to different people. Both are happy so why does it matter what they did in the past?
     
  6. ushae

    ushae Silver IL'ite

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    As a friend or cousin we will not question them.Fine

    But this has to be kept as a secret only. Can they reveal this matter to their in laws if they feel they don't bother about others' views.
    --------------------------------------------------



    "Both are happy so why does it matter what they did in the past?"

    Both means the couple who had sex are happy.

    What about the wife & husband of that couple? Did they know this and still were they also happy?

    Can we pl have a small poll in this forum " How many Ilites are comfortable or ok if DH reveals that he had premartial sex with another lady?
     
  7. sowmyar

    sowmyar New IL'ite

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    Hmmm... (S)he did disappear :rotfl

    So much for asking others their opinion.

    Oh, and the 'pure and clean' was some line huh...LOL!

     
  8. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    But this has to be kept as a secret only. Can they reveal this matter to their in laws if they feel they don't bother about others' views.

    >>>and why do the in-laws need to know what hapened in the past? if it is not affecting their present or future, I don't know of any reason why inlaws need to be informed of a person's sexual bio-data.


    What about the wife & husband of that couple? Did they know this and still were they also happy?

    >>>Again, it's the past. who cares? I firmly believe that something done in the past that has no effect on the present and the future should stay in the past. whether it be an affair, a fight, a vacation ... whatever.


    Can we pl have a small poll in this forum " How many Ilites are comfortable or ok if DH reveals that he had premartial sex with another lady?[/quote]

    >>>If my husband would have had premarital sex I would prefer him not to tell me because that was in the past. I am his today and tomorrow. If he tells me such a thing, frankly it would not bother me. In today's day and age, I think it is not that big an issue. And if someone uses this revelation as a reason to spoil their current relationship they are hurting no one else but themselves.
     
  9. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    This is a question with lots of layers. On one hand, I HATE to imagine my hubby having sex with another woman.... any woman, any time, I DONT LIKE IT!! However, I also realize it's a natural part of life, and very normal for a person to have sex with the person they're in a relationship with. Sometimes that relationship ends in marriage, but sometimes it just... ends! In that case, should a person never marry somebody new, just because they had sex in the past? Because of that, I accept my dh's past relationships, and move on and focus on OUR relationship.

    Since a husband's past relationships is a painful thing for any wife to imagine, don't dig for answers... i.e. Seek and you will find! So... don't start looking for something you don't want to find! It is definitely sickening to imagine that... I KNOW!! My mil used to talk ENDLESSLY about my dh and ex's HONEYMOON SUITE, their FIRST NIGHT, and their pregnancy attempts. That is stuff I never wanted to know! So live ignorantly in bliss of your spouses past and stay happy. Don't think too much about the past, and don't look for answers which will disturb you.

    One lady on here gave me good advice once on how to deal with the disturbing stuff my mil told... If my dh were so in love with his ex, and their romantic moments were so great, they wouldn't have divorced!!!! Same lesson can be applied to any couple... past is past for a reason... the past girlfriend and sex wasn't that important to our spouse!!
     
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  10. ushae

    ushae Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, that is why in the first instance we should avoid premartial sex in the indian context.
     
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