Is only the wife resposible for maintaining the family balance?

Chitvish · Nov 25, 2008

Dear likemychai, ultimately one's own inner contentment makes one a happy person oneself and to society. Acceptance coming from inside without any external force is what counts in making a person happy.
Thanks for your meaningful post.
Love, Chithra.

Chitvish · Nov 25, 2008

Dear Picturesque, when I read your post I feel, asthough you were writing about my young age! But, please, I was far from some of (!)
very rich, very modern, very talkative, very friendly and very well-built. She would look like a Vaijayanthi IPS.
I did it for my golden husband whose hands were tied by the love & respect, he had for his mother.
But no regrets. Things changed gradually & better days dawned. I decided not to lament over "wasted" youth! Que sera sera is very true!!
Love,
Chithra.

roopadadia · Nov 25, 2008

Dear Chitra, thanks for your concern. But, god has blessed me with a very understnading and mature life partner.

Each marriage is unique and finds its own balance. There is no point in comparing and generalising. But the sad thing is, a man is appreciated if he is supportive; if the wife is, it is taken for granted! It is only expected of her!!

This is where i WANT the society to change their mindset.

We must start on a firm footing of mutual respect for eachother and both must work equally hard for its success. Because we are married “for better or for worse” ! So very true.

No person is 100 person perfect or i may not be cent percent what my husband wants me to be and vice versa. Like Vish, my husband is also tied by his love and respect for his parents and he too says we do our duty and not expect anything in return. So now i do the same, and not get too involved emotionally.

So life is good.

Chitvish · Nov 25, 2008

Dear Roopa, I salute you maturity of thinking. There can never be generalising & each relationship stands on its own merit. Then only it lasts happily!
Love,
Chithra.

swathi14 · Nov 25, 2008

Hi Chitra.

U must agree that our status is better than our mummy's. But that is not bcoz the gents have become generous. We fought for it.

Every change we r bringing into the culture, first attracts bad comments only. Like u have discussed the fate of a working woman - I too was in that situation.

My husband never adjusted with me. His office is closed for saturdays and sundays. But I have to go for my company. But he will ask me to put a leave on saturday. But every saturday I cant do like that. But I couldnt argue this with my hubby in the beginning.

But I took the help of my FIL, explained him my situation and my responsibilities in my office. He understood and explained it to my hubby.

But whatever rights I am enjoying today, I have paid the price. One time I wish i were a male. But that is not a solution to this problem.

Now, i started to cultivate the habit of sharing and caring for my son. I think atleast for the future generation - there is no problem.

Andal

Arunarc · Nov 25, 2008

Hi Supermom
Sometimes when I read all that is happening between in laws and DH and DW I feel I am blessed in all this case.
These sentence go perfect for me
A woman has the natural flair for keeping the family together and maintaining harmony in relationship. Ofcourse, today quite a few men have taken on the womens’ jobs like doing the dishes, cleaning up etc. A man who is sure of himself and understands the family role does this happily.
Becoz when i got married my DH was against going to his own house to meet his parents, it sounds really funny as I have come from such a hugh family all such things doesn't take place. I had to make him understand that what he is doing is not correct. But later we started visiting.
I feel there should be 50-50 balance between husband and wife, if the wife is a working woman or a house wife.
Men are like kids some times we need to understand them and make them understand the situations and also compromise only then you will have a peaceful envioroment. But both have to work for it equally.

Chitvish · Nov 25, 2008

Andal, it does happen for some women! But you should be thankful that your FIL was supportive of you. Had it been your father, your husband may not have got convinced. Yes, there are people who resist change, sadly!It is nice to know that you are educating your son rightly.He will be proud of his mother, Andal!
Love,
Chithra.

Chitvish · Nov 25, 2008

Aruna, what you have written is very strange - about your DH not taking you to his house.
But let me tell you one thing, Aruna. That you come from a large family & love people is obvious from the way you interact in this forum! you are so warm & friendly & habve a nice way of putting across things. Your husband & son are blessed that you belong to them!
Love,
Chithra.

Rama Subash · Nov 25, 2008

Hi!
This is again a topic very dear to my heart. the conditioning in our society is like that. The expectation from the DIL is the same. In-laws are happy only if the DIL does all the household chores, irrespective of the fact whether she is a doctor or an IAS. Sometimes I feel it becomes a curse for a lady who wants to pursue a career after marriage. She has to undergo a lot of tension both at office and home with people ready to blame her for anything that goes wrong. She is expected to bunk office in case of any emergency in the family with no appreciation of the fact. It is considered to be her responsibility. I think the mindset of the people needs change.

rama

Chitvish · Nov 25, 2008

Yes, Rama, the conditioning is so deep-rooted that unless one sincerely makes an effort, the change will not happen at all!
That is what prompted me to write this blog.The onus of a marriage falls more on the woman, unfavourably.
Love,
Chithra.