Is only the wife resposible for maintaining the family balance?

sowminivibu · Nov 24, 2008

Dear chiths

My oh my..what a topic and you already have various replies....I am sure many of want the reply to this question to be NO..but sadly in most cases it is a BIG YES !!!!!!

Why do people feel a male loses his identities when he takes care of children or does any domestic job??? I think it all depends on what kind of an atmosphere they are brought up ??? If you see a guy who is married and has a kid here would definetely hesitate to carry a baby bag when he goes out,but when you are abroad he would definitely carry it...Almost all the NRI guys i see help their wives even change a diaper for their kids......I think if the wife does all the chores without any complaints then it is very lucky for the husband..But at times he needs to put his thinking cap and think that his wife is also a human and would have her own interests and passion ......I am sure the relationship would blossom much more only if such a feeling exists..Otherwise we would still continue to do our duties but more for the duty side than for the enjoyable side.....

Chiths,you are talking about sharing rsponsibilities,but in today's fast world many DH's even find it hard to find time to communicate with their better halves ??? So where are we heading for ??? Let them not even share our responsibilities,let them give us a pat on our backs now and then that would motivate us and make us do things better....

Inspite of all theses odds,every one of us who have replied here still love our DH's more dearer than anybody in this world !!!

That is why we are A WOMAN!!!

lov
sowmi

vase · Nov 24, 2008

Dear Chitra mami,

It is a BIG coincidence that you chose this topic, for this monday, I feel!

I just read this article in the Hindu yesterday. I am posting the link here for those who havent read it yet.
The Hindu : Magazine / Columns : The jointless family

I have been munching on this article since I read it yesterday because I could relate to that very much... and I see your blog too here...

Thank you.

Regards

Prem.S · Nov 24, 2008

Dear Chitrama,

Nice topic. After i got married the first thing i was asked to do was to resign my job but my DH was very supportive and i continued to work. Like what you have mentioned we were relocating and changing jobs frequently and finally now im a homemaker ( still trying for jobs though ). When i lookback i think i have not done justice to my career.

Regards,
Premsudha

likemychai · Nov 24, 2008

Dear Chitvish - YES INDEED you are correct!
Very well put and although some have changed, it is true also that most have not in society and at home.

It is for this reason that we should remember when we are trying to please everyone to follow Lord Krishna's words

karyam ity eva yat karma
niyatam kriyate ’rjuna
sangam tyaktva phalam caiva
sa tyagah sattviko matah
"O Arjuna, when one performs his prescribed duty only because it ought to be done, and renounces all material association and all attachment to the fruit, his renunciation is said to be in the mode of goodness."
Bhagavad Gita - 18.9

We cannot please everyone, it is simply impossible, and as said above, we will in the end be the ones to blame anyways by whomever is not satisfied. But if we simply do our best and leave the rest, we have nothing to worry. If everyone IS happy, great! Working outside the home, inside the home, whatever the case may be - expectations are the same and the more you have to do the more seems to be expected of you, alva?

If we let it upset us too much we only lose our own well-being and peace of mind, and our daughters will learn the same mistake by seeing our example of striving always to be perfect and never being happy ourselves.

Please God, please yourself and the rest will fall into place - so long as you do good deeds, so good shall come to you and at least we are a good example to our kids.
Big hugs.

corallux · Nov 25, 2008

Dear Chithraji,

First of all I pray that this world sees more of "Patni Vrat" males.

You know something Chithraji? We know the worth of a diamond when we loose it. Your friend should be pleased with her loving, caring hubby.

Just ask her to go through the sad stories of abuse on IL. Maybe then she will change.

I agree with your reply to my fb Chithraji.

"Taking for granted" that is an epidemic on the rise.

Regards,

Corallux

Chitvish · Nov 25, 2008

Latha, you have yourself analysed the reason for your MIL's behaviour. Her conditioning is so deep-rooted and is not easily changeable. But you should be thankful that your DH has been able to break the shackles around him & realised that it is worth all the pleasure in sharing housework with you.
NOW
Pray his tribe increase!
Love,
Chithra.

Chitvish · Nov 25, 2008

Sowmi, you have just poured out your heart & rightly so!! But about the communication part - let me share with you. V was never, never, the communicative type at all. Besides, his mother had always been telling him that minimum communication with spouse is essential for marital harmony! Now, I can never understand the rationale behind this statement, till today.
He fell into the grrove of his mother's theory so deeply that he still talks minimum to me, but better or more to others. Well, sowmi, that partly explains the reason why I am, perhaps (?), vehemently communicative in IL. But, at this age, he realises that I am also getting old & offers help if the maid is on leave. But I feel so guilty to make him run errands in his retired life that I politely decline. If he had offered in his younger age, I would have accepted! Then he was fully following my MIL's theory of keeping away!!
Anyway, no regrets!
Love,
Chithra.

Oviya · Nov 25, 2008

Chithumma, My Dear Adharsha Mangai,

Yes. It is back of one's palm.

We see sad examples in IL itself. If we enter
the forum, 'marriage, spouse and in-laws' we come out with a heavy heart. Be it a professional girl or a home-maker with just a degree or less, the treatment they get is same.

I had a neighbour girl; an ME holder, just 24, very rich, very modern, very talkative, very friendly and very well-built. She would look like a Vaijayanthi IPS.

Inspite of the above mentioned characteristics, she was just a puppet for her MIL. She was saying one day, 'I tolerate everything for my golden husband'.

What is his reaction? He says, 'They are my parents... Just go by what they say. It is for a short period of time and our life will be with us'.

Husband and living together with him become the 'breaking point' to most of the women.

When I read you saying, in Indian society the girls are married to a family, I applauded. This whole blog was said in that sentence.

Love,
Your Picturesque.

Chitvish · Nov 25, 2008

Dear Vase, yes, I now went & read that article. Joint family was more prevelant with Hindu Undivived Families more because of their vested interests in agriculture & economy. The education level of women was minimum, call it mediocre. Diversions were few, not to say, nil!
But now, things have changed. A family of four has 2 TVs, one PC besides a laptop.Such economic necissities have made working woman a compulsory part of our society. If a woman is expected to shoulder the financial responsibilities, why not the man help her with domestic ones?? After all it takes minimum two to make a family!!
Love,
Chithra.

Chitvish · Nov 25, 2008

Dear PremS, so long as you resigned your job voluntarily & have no regrets about having done it, there is no bitterness.But if one is forced to do it either not to pose a threat to the spouse professionally or is forced to, falling a prey to male domination, it leaves a bitter taste in the psyche of the woman. Being happy with yourself is all that matters, PS!
Love,
Chithra.