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Is old age homes good for senior citizens

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Neerjavakil, Dec 8, 2012.

  1. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    An exemplary example in this situation is my eldest uncle (85 yrs old). After educating his two sons and sending them off to US, he brought a 12 yr old boy (of a poor, but close family) from our native to his home. He took complete responsibility of his education. Taught him till graduation, got him a job in his friend's bank. Built him a small 2 room, bathroom house on the terrace. Got him married, started a tailoring business for his wife. Now they have little children who are very attached to these 'grandparents'. His family loves my uncle and aunt, take very very good care of them. Keeps them happy, don't allow them any work, children take them for walk, keep them entertained with their homework and all. :)

    Mind you this journey has not been simple. Uncle had to face a volatile teenage boy, had to handle his love-letter writing affairs, stuggle to teach him as he was not that good in studies and all. But now he loves them more than his family. My cousins are well settled in US, have no reason to return, yet uncle & aunty have no worries about their old age, because they invested in it not with money but with a kind heart.
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Agree. 'Shravans and Shravanis. There are many kinds taking care of elders in their own different ways.

    Here's to fifty shades of Shravans and Shravanis. :cheers
     
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  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    No. Not every mother will do that. And if a mother does handover 3 lakhs to son, it should be with the thought of:

    Karmanye Vadhikaraste, Ma phaleshou kada chana -
    Translation - You have the right to perform your actions, but you are not entitled to the fruits of the actions.

    3 lakhs given for MBA might bring no returns in old age benefits. And that is OK.
     
  4. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Rihana...nothing personal .but saying and doing are two completely different things. When I am 80 and at the mercy of someone to even get a glass of water or a daily bath or a change of diaper...its much harder to talk about Gita or Bible. Its pain and hunger that gets you. You have to see it to feel what I am writing about.
    Its ok to be philosophical ...but I wish as the younger generation we are a bit more sympathetic to the issues.
    Lack of financial resources is the number one reason old people suffer in mediocre OAHs.
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Yes. Old age is difficult. Talk is of following Gita in 30-50's. Not spending on child's education, wedding etc at cost of retirement planning and if spending doing it with no returns in mind.

    I have seen it. Seen relatives go through it.
    What gives the impression we aren't sympathetic? Parts of some posts in an online discussion?
    No. Unfortunately, even having enough money does not mean one will get reasonable care in old age in India. At the end of life, one needs to have family or too bad. That is how it is right now.

    Hopefully, with the middle class's growing buying power, somebody will see the business opportunity and come up with livable OAHs. Or retirement communities. Assisted living centers. Mobile nurses.....
     
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  6. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with you. Most people are more than sympathetic about old people. On this forum, you see a handful of people who can at least attempt to look at the other side of the coin, in the real world, you see so many campaigns going against OAHs, you have groups on FB- don't send your parents to OAHs, there are so many movies that show how unhappy old people are in OAHs and how evil the son and DIL are to send them to OAH, nowhere you see any reference to the possible other side too.
    What people don't realise is how much problem they are actually causing not only for the sons but also for the parents and daughters.(See post#91). The fact is even if there was good affordable OAHs available where people could get good care, most sons would not send their parents to them because of the fear of being called a bad son. Many DILs don't send their ILs to their daughters home for the same fear even if the parents want to go to the daughters home. Who suffers? everyone?
    I think it's time people stop their mindless campaign that because we are passionate about the issue of old people and we don't like OAHs, we want others to look after their parents. If they really are passionate about caring for old people, they should campaign for affordable good quality OAHs, it will make much more sense.
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    You know Monita, I was thinking something like that- good OAHs are the need of the hour. I did read your post #91 and possibly, yes, some people would be happier in them.

    To take this thread to a more positive note - here's a crazy idea that came to my head earlier :) wouldn't it be cool if some of our kids started OAHs as a business venture, and after some more years of participating in IL, we all move to that OAH or OAHs. Instead of logging in to IL, we would just pop over to fellow ILs apartment or room to chat. :)
     
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  8. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    Ha ha, that would be fun Rihana, but of course we wouldn't want to give our kids the trouble to start the OAHs. In fact, as I mentioned earlier, where we live, a group of Indians is investing in a retirement village, so that when they are old they can live close to their friends.
     
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  9. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    chat about DILs ?:rotfl
     
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  10. FreeSpirit20

    FreeSpirit20 Platinum IL'ite

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    That is my dream setup too Smriti. Loved it in the show.
     
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