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Is my marriage OVER ??

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anika987, Sep 1, 2014.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I havea problem.My husband is a good guy BUT he in his free time he loves watching his english serials or sports or goes for cricket or play games.He just does not spend time with me.If I want to speak to him for something,he is like "not now"

    I cannot speak to him when he gets up - now only I got up.not now.
    or when he goes to office -am just starting my day.not now.
    or when in office - day is too hectic.now now.
    when he comes back - I am tired.not now.
    when he is eating - allow me to eat in peace.not now.
    after he finished eating - I need some rest.now now.
    before going to bed - I need a break.watching some sports.not now.

    When the hell would I talk to him???what is this?I am not a bloody roommate?
    If I get angry and tell him that..he will be like "go and see every other couple.noone sits and chats.people r so busy.go do some work"

    I got sooooooo mad.I started picking up fights and then I keep quiet.I see him then coming and talk to me.Aha! that's the trick.

    I started fighting more and more and then keep quiet.After the fights,he keeps talking to me and trying to comfort me.I love that.

    I realised one thing..for the past two months EVERYDAY we have fought a lot! Now,I do not like that.

    I am getting too frustrated.Took it to another level!Today I did not even want to look at him.I banged the door on his face and went to the other room.In a way,I feel relieved.I am waiting for him to come to me.Once,he comforts me sometimes we even have makeup sex.What the heck???????Now,am thinking.."where is this marriage heading?things should not work this way."

    Bluntly,I am very very very very bored with him if we do not fight.probably he is too_Only when we fight,we talk and things lead to other things.I don't know what to do.
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I am also sailing in the same boat like yours..but I do not fight as such.Hubby is so busy or watching the ipad.It is annoying but hang in there.do not take hasty decisions.
     
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  3. god2014

    god2014 Gold IL'ite

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    Think of some crazy ideas to make him understand, use the old lover techniques to do so.. Write a romantic letter, specifically mentioning that as you are very busy, you cannot find this being on earth, living eating sleeping, working for you, i am writing this, hope you find time in breaks to read my letter..
    Next text him, all those of your feelings.. First get a white board and marker, write those which you want him to see, he will ask why do you do so? then bang him on his head doh1and tell his part of mistake..
    Place a reminder card or something everywhere so that he sees them.. While serving food write something and place near him, don't keep telling you are not spending time instead make him feel the moment...
    Don't fight, try highlighting his not talking or spending time tag in all possible means... your activities must speak not words of fight or hurting...
     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2014
    2 people like this.
  4. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    thanks god2014..It is been 3 days since I slept:(

    I am too stressed but will def try your tips
     
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    :rotfl
    That is cute.

    OP...looks like your husband will respond better to being ignored.If he is not paying attention to you....stop running after him.Do your own thing and appear like you are enjoying yourself thoroughly.Talk to your friends when he is around.Better still....arrange for a girl date the day he is free.Tell him you are going out ...he can do whatever he does .Enjoy your day out.Come back home humming ....with some flowers or a plant and start taking care of the flower /plant immediately.Do it for a week and see if gets you any results.Keep only one day for fighting.....more than that will get boring after sometime.
     
    4 people like this.
  6. anjananathan

    anjananathan Platinum IL'ite

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    "Sometimes we don't value things that we get easily.."

    Don't go and talk with him.. Just do your duty and keep quiet.. Start doing what you are interested in and Keep yourself busy.. Once he starts missing you, I hope he will come around..
     
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  7. memeera1234

    memeera1234 Gold IL'ite

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    I am also sailing in the same boat dear. Except that he is more occupied with his phone playing games, chatting on whatsApp or listening to songs on his ipod...
     
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  8. han412

    han412 Gold IL'ite

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    Don't use such words pls.... your marriage is not over. It just seems a difference of personalities. I have seen couples having the same problems as you do but are still doing great. Women have greater need to talk to feel reassured than men.
    Not everyones life is given perfect it is us who make it perfect.
    OK if he does not want to talk you too don't bother. Is it feasible?
    Try to distract yourself.
     
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  9. hrastro

    hrastro Finest Post Winner

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    I wrote the same thing for another thread as I had similar situation but to a much lesser degree - I'll just copy paste here (the other post had another problem - DH never touches/talks but wants to satisfy himself every nite!)

    You both stay alone and he doesn't touch you the whole day!

    Lets see what you could do [​IMG]

    Note: Keep windows curtains closed [​IMG]

    DH- Coffee please!
    You - I've kept it here in the kitchen, come and pick it up !
    DH - comes to pick up coffee
    You - smilingly block the way and say - you havent paid for the coffee - one kiss on cheek for one cup coffee!

    DH- Are you serving lunch now!
    You- yeah, everything ready ! when he comes to table - block the way and say - 1 hug for the lunch!

    When he's leaving for office - block the door - say - this is the toll gate - you have to pay me a compliment before going !

    When he asks for TV remote - say - You have to hug and sit with me then you'll get the remote [​IMG]

    When he comes for dinner - ask him what romantic movie song would apply to you [​IMG]

    In bed, when he starts reaching out for you - put a pillow in between and say - not before you tell me three good things about me!!!

    Do this everyday with a smiling face without getting irritated/dejected by his resistance! There will definitely be resistance, so keep your confidence levels high! Get some tips for grooming, good clothes, smart menu items and some good comebacks!

    Come back and tell us in 2 weeks what changes you're noticing !!
     
    5 people like this.
  10. Marun

    Marun Platinum IL'ite

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    hmm...2 options!

    1. Learn the sport he watches well and indulge in an argument. He will surely respond! Sometimes, a needle in a banana works wonders!

    2. Stop talking to him! no interaction. Just make sure that you prepare all he needs and they are in place. He will realise something odd and will come to you eventually!
     
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