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Is my husband normal?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by vandana1990, May 22, 2010.

  1. vandana1990

    vandana1990 New IL'ite

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    Hi everyone,

    I got married recently, june 2009 only. sorry if i post in wrong section.
    My husband is a very good guy for society,family,work. He loves me very much, and
    i also love him very much. Now that we love each other, he told of his secrets.
    I was able to digest his previous relation ships(no affairs).But one secret is driving me crazy.
    He has a big fetish for bondage themed intercourse. His private laptop is full of bdsm(learnt from google) theme movies. Some movies are very hard, that the lady in the video is in pain(as per my knowledge). None of his parents or relations know of this.no one will believe even if i say.
    I know nothing of this kind of fetishes.

    He tells me everyone has such fetishes and that it is normal. He promised me that he
    does not expect me to do anything painful,and wont hurt me in anyway.All he is
    asking me is for such themed fore play.

    I love him very much and i am not giving him up easily..

    I want to know,
    Whether it is normal for men to have such fetishes?
    Can i do it for him?will it result in anything bad?
    Anyone with any similar experiences, pls help me out here...
     
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  2. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    It is normal for people to have different sexual fantacies. Not everyone has the same one, but definitely everyone has SOMETHING in specific that turns them on.

    Yes, you can try bondage. No, nothing bad will happen. He is your husband, not a serial killer. So even if you are tied up, he's not going to take advantage of that by harming you. That is the advantage of having sex with somebody you trust 100%, you don't have to worry about stuff like violence. If he wants to try anything that looks like it will hurt, start out slow, and have a "safety word" to get him to stop, like "CUPCAKE!!" Some word that is clear, distinct, and won't be confused with sexual moaning, pleasure, or role playing. Keep in mind, the lady you saw screaming in the video was probably doing it to cary out the bondage enactment.

    Let your husband know your concerns that you don't want to do anything painful, but that you are willing to try his bondage idea so long as he takes it slow and stops if you start to feel uncomfortable.
    Of course they don't! Do YOUR parents know YOUR sexual fantacies and what you like in bed? I hope not. Sex is something to be kept between a couple. And for all you know, his parents or relations might be doing something kinky of their own! So handle this one on one with your husband and if you feel willing, then give his ideas a chance. If you hate it, hey, you don't have to do it again! And then at least you can say you tried.
     
  3. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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  4. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Hope the thread can survive on its own, till the OP has gotten the Q&A clarified. Malvi is on vacation, else she can give more info on this.

    Vandana,
    You are safe, dont worry. He has promised you that he wont hurt you, so it sounds like he has care for you, and is sensitive to your needs. Regarding the fantasy, yeah everyone has different ones. Dont go to your parents discussing this! Yikes, that will kill your relationship totally.

    But like ASG said - have a clear discussion with your DH on what is acceptable, what is not, and how you will communicate the limits so he cannot proceed beyond that. You should tell him that if he crosses the limits, then all bets are off, and he will lose your cooperation - so that should be clear.


    PS: @ASG: CUPCAKE! LOL! That sounds inviting rather than a stop! :)
    PORCUPINE would work better :)
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2010
  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I'm on a little diet, so I've been dreaming of cupcakes. What can I say. :roll:
     
  6. vandana1990

    vandana1990 New IL'ite

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    @asuitablegirl Thanks for the info.

    @Foundlove That really was an eye opener

    I am fearing "If someone knows" . What will happen?

    Does this kind of behaviour there in our Indian society(atleast secretive)?
    May be if it is there, it would really make me get better....
     
  7. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    who will know? its between you and your hubby.
    and its no one else's business.


    Indians are human beings too!!!
     
  8. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with Spiderman. Unless there is some camera in your bedroom streaming live video to You Tube, I don't see how anyone would know what you or your husband do. And last time I checked, India has one of the largest populations in the world.... that didn't happen on it's own! Indians DO have sex, and I'd guess that more than a few are into "different" things.

    See, a lot of ladies on this site, including myself, have only had one sexual partner. So it is hard to tell you what ALL men like, because we only know what our guy likes. But from observation and experience and talking to my dh, I have discovered that sex is a really personal thing that is different from person to person.
     
  9. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Vandana, All is fair in Love.
     
  10. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Vandana what happens between couples with respect to intimacy its their business, who will come to know. ? If both of you are comfortable then its ok. Moreover to feel satified sexually mere intercourse is not important. there are many fantasies a person may try to fulfill. Of course the bondage thing may not be very common though..but it is perfectly ok if both are comfortable and reasonable.

    Few days back I watched a movie" Body of evidence" in there the woman ties an old man call her lover to the bed and perform the act and she does this with everyone she performs by tieing him, the old man dies as his heart was weak and he was heart patient and she was then put on trial as the old man could not save him as he was tied...But that is just a movie... something to watch may be for you?


     
    Last edited: May 24, 2010

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