Is my Husband mentally sick ?

Talk to him and give him an ultimatum OP. You also have an option of going for joint counselling and if still he continues Leave him and get on with his life!

 

Dear desigirl, I remember all your other posts and I strongly feel you need a good counsellor to figure out what you want, why you are putting up with all the nonsense he has been throwing at you and what you really need to do to move forward with your life regardless of where your husband wants to be stuck.

 

Avoid adding a child to the existing problems.Go for marriage counselling.

 

Hi DesiGril ,
I support pear suggestion, dont add child to ur life and made it more harmful for u. Better 1st u talk with him regarding ur marriage life which he is not giving any value ,if he is not ready to forget dat guy and remember u abt ur old incidents then go to good marriage counselor. Dont waste ur time with no love in ur life.....

 

Hi, i dont remember other threads by you so i can only tell by what you have written here.
I feel your husband has very deep rooted problems which you impossibly can solve by yourself (Given the assumption you didnt lie about anything like virginity). He needs help from outside, like councelling. It seems to me like he was brought up with a very old fashiond mind set and beliefes even things happend before they are betrayal as you might still think about this guy, maybe its a enferior complex that the ex was better then him or you compare i dont know and its not the most important thing as its going on for too long, all those things could have been solved faster. After this time its more a obsession rather then a dissapointment with your past.

Or is he using this point to his favour as there are other things he wants to hide/ dont talk about/avoiding you for?

Tell him clearly that this is not the life you both deserved and there needs to be a change. Think about concequences if he decides to not change his behavior or seek help. Make these concequences clear and understandable for him.

I assumed here that he knew before marriage or nothing physical happend between you and your ex. Even if: then you did a clear mistake by not informing about your past but he should have made a decission already long ago - this long term suffering is a punishement and ruining your boths life. So basically he had two options: forgive you and leave past past or seperate. He didnt choose any but is going in between which is like torture as you never know which way you are slipping...

 

i support MrsBV give him an ultimatum, tell him you cannot live like this. 3 years is along time.. May be counselling can help but then let your DH know that this is not go for long there has to be a stop for his sulking..

 

Dear OP,

You are in a very difficult situation. Your husband has a different mindset than yours. Your husband is not able to let go off your past. While you want him to forget everything and live a normal life. I do not feel that this is a fair expectation from you given that your husband has a traditional conservative mentality

1 - Your husband is believing whatever your ex has spoken about you. You basically need to disprove each of those allegations. You need to convince your husband that your ex has lied about you. You need to produce solid evidences that clearly tell him that your ex has lied. Or you can confront your ex directly asking him why he said such crap about you. You have to give enough evidences that your ex is a liar and he is lying with the intention to spoil your marriage. Your ex is jealous of you and your husband living a happy life together.

2 - Your should be sensitive to your husband's feelings and sincerely apologize for hiding that piece of your past. Please do not come up with excuses justifying why you hid that piece from him. Justifying yourself will only make it worse. Tell him you understand how he feels and you sincerely realize your mistake and will ensure that you will be transparent with him.

3 - You said that he browses his profile and keeps tab on where he works. I think your husband is basically looking for clues that you and your ex are still in touch. He is looking for clues to know the real you, to know whether you are still lying to him and are in touch with your ex still. He is also trying to know how deep yours and your ex's relation was.
You need to sit down, talk to your husband and tell him that he continuing to browse his profile will only make things worse and sow seeds of doubt in his mind. It will only make your husband more miserable, it will only rob him of his life. Your husband needs to learn to ignore your ex and the crap he is spewing on you. You need to tell your husband that your ex is an ex for a reason, he did not deserve to be your husband and he has nothing to do with you now. Your husband is the only man in your life and you looking forward to a future with your husband and not with your ex.

After you have said this, it is your husband's call - whether to forgive you or not. If he is unable to forget everything and still tries to punish you, it might be in your best interest to move on from this marriage. You are only 27 years and you have a life time ahead of you. You dont want to be punished every now and then. Your life is more precious than your husband and your marriage. Enjoy your precious life than living a life filled with silent treatments and punishments.

 

So sorry to hear what happened with you. ur hubby definetely sounds like mentally sick. Bringing the topic of past everyday, he has been insulting ur character past 2.5

really appreciate ur patience.
u shud decide if u can bear his mental torture forever
, may be not.

But lady why dont u contact the guy in past, threaten him and make him tell truth to ur hubby.



=desigirl25;3398596]Hi ladies,

I have posted a few times on this forum and recieved some great advice from you all. My problems are the same as before and worsened.... in summary my husband is obsessed with a guy I dated for 3 months, 2 years before I met my husband. My husband had contacted the guy before our marriage and the guy said **** about me....and since then my husband went in depression...but problems with inlaws while living in joint family side tracked his mind but my inlaws also ruined my marriage before we got to move out.

Now it has been over 1 year since we are living alone..and my husband is still obsessed with this guy. He doesnt want to go to any park with me or watch any romantic movies or basically do anything with me and nor does he want to show any affection or be intimate. When it comes to sex, he does everything in his power to avoid it except for the odd occasion once a month or every two months when HE wants it...even then there is no passion, no fun, boring and very quick. I initiate intimacy not for the fun but because I want to make sure it doesn't disappear completely...

..when there is any improvement....we take 1 step forward and 2 steps back a few days later when he starts talking about this guy again..

He looks this guy up very often, searches him online and makes sure what company he works in etc. I feel he is mentally sick.. !!!! I can't believe a guy can be like this!!!

..do you girls think this is any sort of life ?? would you girls stay in a marriage like this?? I just turned 27 and its been 2.5 years since i got married! I feel like i hve wasted the past 3 years of my life I feel like my life is filled only with sadness now and forward with this guy... I want so badly for my marriage to work out but this is the last chance i have to leave...if i stay now for few more months then this will be my life forever......[/QUOTE]

 

Even I haven't read your other threads or do not remember.

Whether conservative/old fashioned or modern mind set is not alone the reason.

His current condition is because of your past. Make a sincere attempt to explain him and make him come out of this.

It's easy to say, come out of it and go your way. When you get along with another person, what guaranty that that guy would not be obsessed with 2 of your ex's'?

One more scenario - if you do not help him get out of this and you separate, down the line he might also remarry again. In this case the setback you gave him - would be haunting him and that poor girl's future also would be a question mark.

Think about it - make a genuine attempt to correct the situation. If you are confident that all that has to be done is done - then no looking back, do what would please you.