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Is my husband doing right ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rithunandu, Dec 13, 2015.

  1. rithunandu

    rithunandu New IL'ite

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    Hi All ,

    I am here to clear my doubts..I am married and staying in UAE..I came to UAE this academic year after a few years gap..I was staying at my hubby house these years..
    My hubby few days back said he is planning a trip to Singapore along with his brother and cousins this vacation time..asked me to go to India for vacation along with kids..so i asked why not taking us he said i want to go alone and it is final..i asked whether it is a bachelor trip he said sometimes may be they will bring their families but you people are not coming...all his brothers' family live here and we share a great bond with everyone...and the thought made me sad as everyone will enjoy and me n kids will be left out..he says he will take us in two years but cant afford us now..i asked him then why are you going now we can go together but he says he will go this time for sure..and why are you having problem is what he asks..i went for a trip only once in my 10 years of marriage but all other enjoys their vacation..i feel so sad ..am i thinking too much?
     
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  2. rona

    rona New IL'ite

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    No, he is doing wrong, how good husband can enjoy alone????
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    No,he is not doing right.Looks like he got used to living a single life while you were living in India.
     
  4. divshiri87

    divshiri87 Gold IL'ite

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    No dear... what he is doing is not right and very selfish.. Just an idea, go to india with kids, meet your friends in possible way and your relatives too and try to enjoy as much you can and post it in fb or any other social webiste. It should be such a way that he should see and should feel jealous on you. Tell me how is your relationship with your hubby? Meet your in-laws not for many days and try to be with your parents, relatives and friends for as many days as possible. If he says again that he will take you and your kids after sometime, tell him that it is not required and you can go on yourself. Are you independent??
     
  5. aniya

    aniya Senior IL'ite

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    Ofcourse he is wrong, tell him firmly no he cant go without you. Talk to your relatives if required, let them also be aware maybe he told them that you are not interested in going.
     
  6. Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    Its not right for him to enjoy alone while leaving his family behind. Moreover when all others will be bringing their families.

    You can discuss with him some cheaper vacation options where he can afford to take you all instead of this trip. Even day trips might be good idea on short budget.
     
  7. rithunandu

    rithunandu New IL'ite

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    Hi all
    Thanks for your reply..I am not independent..I am looking for job right now..i already told him that you are taking decisions on your own because i am dependent on you...i said you are always saying I there is no we in your talks..i asked him lets go for a movie then he will say not now ..i wanted to see miracle garden and he said there is nothing to see there because he has already gone with his cousin..he enjoys small trips and parties from office..one day my son said he want to go to india because he finds it tough to learn arabic ..and he was like are you sure i will book tickets..i asked him have you done everything according to his wish..when we were in india he found it difficult to learn and write native language...at that time he was good in arabic so did you try to book tickets back to dubai?..so he changed the tone and was seen advising son that you will learn if you try some more..DH actually would be happy if we stay at hubby home...we went to india following his mothers death..and i find it difficult to stay there with Father in law..we stayed there two years...all the time here he was enjoying bachelor life along with his brothers..even at that time whn he come for vacations he doesnt take us out for long time..i have to give lunch and go out if there is any shopping or so and he will push me to come back before 4 to give father tea...my brother in law is the opposite he will take his wife out and they enjoy shopping and all and my hubby will sit all day at home only...i said once that i want to go for desert safari his thought went like this ..my co sis had gone desert safari thats y i asked him..whn i said lets go for movie thn he says oh co sis might have gone for movie thats why you want to go..he always looks profit and loss in everything..he is very adamant and he says i dont want to continue the topic this is my decision and and wont change..
     
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  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    So he wants you to go to India to enjoy taking care of fil while he goes for a stress free vacation.He is not much of a husband or father.Men like him should stay bachelors.Why marry?

    You don't go to India if he leaves you and goes.You stay back and take the kids for the Desert Safari.

    With a selfish husband like yours,the faster you become financially independent,the better it is for you.
     
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  9. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    Since your husband does not want your company, make friends, even round up the girls in your relative circle, son's friends moms and plan trips with them. Start earning, save from what he gives. Never ever beg for him to take you out. Let him know of your plans and you go your way.

    I know of a couple who love each other very much, but take separate vacations since their interest s are different. The wife had visited numerous countries without her husband.

    Spread your wings! Don't wait for his approval or permission...
     
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  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    The only answer is "you should become financial independent".

    Enough of labeling him as a irresponsible, mean husband. What would you get by cursing him for his ill manners? Nothing.

    Instead, understand your destiny. You have got a tough husband, who lacks certain good qualities. Desperately looking at his mercy won't help too.

    So, this is the right time for you to become self dependent.

    Yes. Your co-sis is lucky.. So what?

    Buy your luck by being self dependent.

    Find a job. That gives you more exposure and money.
    Learnt to enjoy the movie, desert safari and whatever that comes to your mind alone. Probably you could take your kids with you.

    Just give him the info about your trips, his permission is not required.

    If you refuse to go to India this time, he might create problems. But after being independent, you can clearly refuse to serve his terms. Even if he creates problems, you can steadily ask him to back off.

    I am sure, such husbands will learn their tough lesson only after losing their precious gift, i.e an obedient, dependent and innocent wife like you. This will change him, provided he wants a life/family with you.
    Currently he is taking you for granted.

    Don't hold the grudge. The more you are withdrawn from the happiness, the more you will hate him. That will prevent you to re-start your life with a changed husband, if that happens.
    Instead, be independent and wait till he misses you badly. Your life will come back to you soon.
    Just that God helps for those who helps themselves.
     
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