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Is My Husband A Good Man Or Am I Overreacting??

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anika987, Aug 14, 2016.

  1. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, I can understand laziness, not helping, more interest in friends than wife an family, even lack of interest in s*x. Not to scare you, but it is weird that he comes home regularly at 3 AM. Who are these friends? Do you know them? Are they married? Have you met their wives? If so, do those guys also spend so much time out? May be you should find that out. If you know them and they are good people, seek their help to talk to your H about what he is doing. Make it discrete and ask them to be discrete too.
    I hope it is just a personality thing with your husband. I suggest you have a heart to heart talk with your H. Go for counselling. If it is possible, look out for jobs. Keep yourself occupied. Good Luck with everything.
     
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  2. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Anika - All of us need affection and closeness. All of us want to feel "wanted". It isn't wrong. All of us should also make ourselves a priority. Once we do that, once we start putting ourselves ahead of the clothes and comb, we ourselves are sending a very strong message. That we matter. That our thoughts matter. That our needs and wants matter. You may not see any instant reaction but I hope you feel good by giving yourself some importance. And hopefully in time, your dh will realize it.
     
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  3. creativemind23

    creativemind23 Silver IL'ite

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    well said
     
  4. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Anika,

    As others suggested try not to pamper your DH too much. Let him handle his works on his own.

    Stop complaining to him, just ignore him for few days and leave him on his own. Keep yourself busy with some hobbies. Try to create a friends circle for you with whom you can meet and chat on regular basis.

    Why don't you try this one - you said you knew the wives of your DH's friends, interact with them and make a friends circle with them. Instead of husbands meeting, make it like a family get together and take turns every time to meet at someone's place. This way your H gets chance to meet with his friends and you get a chance to spend time with your DH.
     
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  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    OP...you have three problems.
    1)Lack of intimacy....a big one.
    2)Personal hygiene......a small one.
    3)Lack of family time because of his need to be out with friends.....a big one.

    Point 1 and three could be related.Stop running after him when he is at home.Act like you have a life without him too.Don't baby him. Don't wait on him .

    Ask him to take time out for kids.
    Tell him...we all need to go out for a movie/shopping /vacation/outing/long drive/picnic.. with the kids.They are missing time with you. Ask him to give you the time so that you can plan .
    Do this twice a month at least.Make sure it is a happy time for him too. No arguments.No complaining about what he wears or how he looks. Accept him as he is. Once this is established ...try gong out on a date night,just the two of you .

    As long he is doing this for you ...let him enjoy his occasional night out.
    If these are married guys,I am sure their wives must be sick of this too.Get in touch with them and make it a family get together ...specially if it is a longish weekend.Again ,no arguments with him when he is there.Let him know you are enjoying this night out with him.

    With all this...may be your intimate life will improve too.

    2)As for hygiene....every one has a different standard.
    If you are not living in a hot humid place...then not bathing daily is not such a bad thing.Does he smell bad?Does he have body odor?Does his mouth stink?If none of these is a problem.....then let it be.(he is not even sleeping with you:tongueout:.let him stay dirty.When he tries to be intimate...light some scented candles in the bathroom and take him for a shower with you.:hearteyes:Till then chill.
    Get him some good deos and mouth washes .

    As for his appearance....take him or encourage him to go for a full medical check up. If the doctor says he is fine....say you are glad and let him be.
    If the doctor asks him to reduce weight,then sweetly work with him to do the same .Change your food habits at home .Give him healthy stuff for lunch .

    You can just add a few clothes of your liking to his wardrobe.Compliment him every time he wears those.Tell him he looks great .;)
     
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  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I want to tell u something funny..

    This hygiene thing bothers me..so once i tried to get romantic .drew a bath,lit candles,worked for hours to get the bathroom so romantic and beautiful and took him in.he got into the water and said "ouch!water is hot!the candles r making the room more hot!"ok bummer..then before i took out the salts i looked at him,he was happily snoring away!!
     
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  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Phir kya hua?:p
    Did you not wake him up?;)Pyaaaar se......
     
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  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    lol..i got so pissed off!! I blew off all the candles and shook him up!
    I was mad and told him that he slept off!

    he was like"Oh!sorry dear..I will sleep on the bed!"
     
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  9. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Update on my thread..last few days I did not nag my husband,do not question him for whatever he does,I talk only when he replies..

    wonder of wonders..hubby is calmer,nicer and he actually comes and talks on and off to see if I am ok :p
    However,on the bad front..It is soooooooooooooooo tough for me to shut up!!I am too talkative and imagine me literally in a "mouna vritham"?ha ha..but this is what is working!am getting his attention and he is being quite better than before..

    let's hope things get even better!and I need a gold medal for being quite ha ha...
    thanks for all the replies IL dearies..
     
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  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice to read the positive update. Give yourself a dollar each time you force yourself to shut up. Soon, you'll have enough to buy enough gold for a medal. : )

    I think @justanothergirl 's post #20 summed it up: "Re-evaluate the way u make him feel and ur conversations at home."

    Good going. Keep it up.
     

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