Is My Husband A Good Man Or Am I Overreacting??

Any other way (of expressing), I know the ensuing effects of it (too much of a veteran here and can predict the trajectory), so radio silence better for now #kanithsMOworksbetter

 

Obviously, I dont know him
Same words he may have said - coz its the reality and I am usually grounded in it. Anyone who fights ground reality and refuses to accept it, really has odds hugely stacked against. And yes the minute a bigger problem/event in life happens (and unfortunately in real life it does happen sometime or other) - all the small things, we wont have time to worry. Idle mind is devils workshop.

 

Whenever such issues crop up, there are only three alternatives:

• Try to change things, if you can. Believe me, it can be very tough, if not impossible. In which case,

• Learn to accept things the way they are and try to make life as fun for yourself as possible. Find things to do that are fun for you. Make friends along the way. Sometimes there might not be any companionship in marriage, but genuine caring for each other might compensate for that.

• Quit, which does not make sense when everything else is fine. There is no guarantee someone else you find later on is going to be better. They might be a lot worse. You stand to lose a lot.

 

Never expected such a practically non-applicable advice from a nice poster like Rihana.

Rihana, you always talk very sensibly and to the point. That is why I wanted to correct you.

Sitting along with the hubby and watching p-o-r-n either in tv or in his lap-top, is not something unknown. Many wives must be doing it. But, for this simultaneous p-o-r-n watching with husband to happen, the basic relationship between the couple should have been excellent. Only those couple, who spend lot of quality time together in activities like movie watching and shopping etc and have a very good mutual understanding and intimacy, reach the comfort level of sitting and watching **** together.

Here is a wife, who says, her husband does every thing other than connecting together, emotionally and physically. He does every thing possible to be away from her. His act of spending so much time alone in laptop itself is a means of keeping himself away from his wife. In such a situation, sitting with him and watching p-o-r-n with him is something unthinkable !

 

Spending that much time outside till 1 am or 4 am , just spoils his health, lack of enough sleep means irritation. It is tough to break this as all his friends are like that. Do they meet at somebody's home. ? Ask h to plan in such a way as family get together , as Kidd can play, start early finish early. Because of kids they have to wind up .
All wifes unite and say their health will spoil, by not following a good routine for food and sleep

Second ver less sex , as said by other friend here, resentment and no sex as a cycle.

Only those 2 r problems . How about kids don't they ask their father to take outside

As soon as possible take out of city vacation with family for 2 or 3 days . Simple ones and not sight seeing as big priority but relax in hotel , eat together etc

If possible take cruise vacation too, not with friends, h can't escape there, you get good chance to do things together, no worries of daily chores.

Please try for job which u asked suggestions in other thread. Not for money but to learn so many thing by meeting different people , different situations , it makes u strong. Which helps a lot in raising kids too. I want to tell that those volunteer sites I mentioned have so many opportunities , and taking something and doing gives u lot of satisfaction. I found Carchafire website is wonderful


If u think that in the past because of in laws etc reason , he now also purposefully wants to keep minimum interaction with you, then talk with him that that was past and if u can't explain well to him take help of a counsellor as suggested by another friend .

 

Anika...from what I see ur hubby seems to be non-confrontational.
He chooses to stay away from an unpleasant /uncomfortable issue in the hope it just goes away. Not really uncommon. One of my girl-friends is exactly like that.
Her Dh has an opinion for everything. Every little thing. Even simple walks with him ends up making her feel she is on a stand The problem is he doesn't get it. After years of being married to him she just now chooses to spend her time everywhere except with him . Re-evaluate the way u make him feel and ur conversations at home.