Is Money The Only Validation Of Living Life Usefully?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Apr 2, 2021.

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  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    True...Money is important.I agree.
    Many not a lot but surely it is.

    No matter what work we do..how hard we work..the amount of money we get determines our internal and external validation in life.

    Let us forget about external validation.

    How about Internal validation?

    Somewhere down the lane,I feel am not getting any return for whatever work am doing.
    Husband is a wonderful guy, freedom is there and am also capable enough to make my own money.
    However...i chose not to for whatever reasons.


    I want some return for whatever work I do.It could be anything.A small amount would make me feel like living life usefully.Again let me make it clear, it is not about others coz society will rip you apart even if you scale mount Everest.

    "I just want something in return" for whatever I do.I do not want to feel like I do volunteer work.I want to feel like my work is useful and living purposefully.

    A slight confusion arises now and then.

    However..tomorrow if money flow stops..again I should not go into a loop.

    So the feeling of contentment should arise.How to strive for that?

    Need some clarity.
     
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  2. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Is this at home? House chores?
    If so, if you get to use your husband's money like your own does that mean that money is your own to you? I am just asking is that enough.
    Otherwise you will have to break it down to what you would have paid for all the house work and child care and what you own and your contribution etc. and decide an income. That gets complicated when love is involved. I can't get my head wrapped around it.
    Is just because some days we feel whatever work we are putting in there is a feeling of taking for granted. People around do not appreciate something that is there, voluntarily - it's handed over to them instead of them earning it. So the other side feels un appreciated. I guess that is the case here.
    Sometimes these lows hit us. Especially with COVID, no travel and such. Try to find something that gives you happiness, something new so that you can appreciate yourself. I do not have suggestions. I had this unknown pain of something for a few weeks and it went away eventually.
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    The problem with successfully identifying what we want is that then we know what we want. There is a certain "ignorance is bliss" when the discontent is vague and its cause still unknown.
    Based on what you wrote, you come under the category of people for whom nothing can equal the feeling of making money from productive work. Most likely, you will learn to live with that niggling feeling. Many of us achieve reasonable levels of contentment alongside having some such niggling feelings of minor discontent that rear their head occasionally.

    We are who we are. Wherever we go, there we are.
     
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  4. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Husband actually is very respectful and cares a lot for me..It is just me..

    Sometimes feel guilty of this privilege. When I see many around me working and suffering..somewhere I feel what did I do to deserve certain something..and have to admit people around me made me feel that way too..

    25 years of mental conditioning:)

    I know the value of money, infact I hardly spend on me except occasional take outs, I am very adjusting and I make sure to put a budget and spend carefuly. Hubby is actually mad I have become a kanjoos..well..I want to spend and enjoy too!but somewhere I do not feel like it..

    I am working with a counselor and am much better but on and off doubts surface which she said it will but have to hang on..

    I am a good mother(Atleast I feel so),I do chores to the best of my ability but when I feel more hardworking people suffering..I know am conditioned thanks to relatives and so called well wishers as to how I "do not know the value".


    Thanks to counselor,my emotions have surfaced and am suffering but it is releasing..which I can feel.It is a very hard process am going through to brutally face the truth to. my face as I was in denial all these days.

    If earning my own money and not being dependent is the only way for a person to be validated..I should do it but down in my heart I do not think it is true..


    Am just trying to see the brutal truth of what is right and what is wrong and as to why am not feeling good despite what I have in life..why do I feel so guilty?

    Somehow feel I have to so so much of hardwork and do so much to feel deserving.Why is hardwork always measured in terms of money?

    Also,I know I do not do most of the hardwork.Have to see the men who remove gutter in India..that is one of the hardest work ever! they either do not get money or respect.

    how do we measure?

    Hope I feel clear soon..
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2021
  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Do you really want to fritter away your time doing a minimum wage job when you have no reason to?
    There is a reason companies don’t like to hire people they consider overqualified for the position. People almost always end up getting frustrated when they feel that they are not getting paid what they are worth. No matter how much they argue to the contrary at the job interview.
     
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  6. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    hmm...maybe that minimum wage will give me a feeling time is usefully spent?I don't know..

    But due to personal situations I cannot go for a high pay job anymore nor do I honestly care..

    I know I do not work the hardest every time and there is no comparison of hard work either..as it differs for everyone at different times and different situations..what we can do others cannot and vice versa..

    As you said..no reason either..

    Then why this feeling money is a validation for hard work? Is it because people who work outside always say they get that feeling of validation?emotional fulfillment?Anything which I do which has no passion..can never give emotional fulfillment.Maybe the paycheck would..give a sense satisfaction for all the pain endured.

    I worked for some years and honestly did not get any sort of emotional fulfillment etc...in my case.The paycheck did it make a difference? hmm..not exactly coz at that time I was going out of peer pressure.

    I feel like maybe am wasting whatever potential by not "monetizing" it..so everything is money..
    for eg:I am good in dance but pursue it as a hobby coz I feel awesome doing it..but am not "monetizing" it! Is that a waste of talent?

    So, all those people who are not using their education..are they wasting it coz they are not "monetizing" it?

    A person's validation is based on money..hmm..have to admit I still have traces of brainwash by society norms.

    Again money surely is important.Different measures for different people.

    I am not rich but balanced enough and smart enough to spend and save wisely.live within my means and be debt free.

    The guilt that I spend my spouse's money when in all honestly one should not feel if there is understanding between each other.that is all that matters at the end of the day.Just your family and not any other third person.It is not that I cannot work outside.I am fully capable of finding a job.However,For me home is my comfort zone for whatever reason.As simple as that.Shoud I break my comfort zone?However...The feeling of enough is there but not acceptance.

    So the question should be "Is money the only real validator for one's success and time usefully spent?"
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2021
  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    I would advise you not to take everything you hear literally. Most people are working mainly for a paycheck. If you ask them they will swear otherwise using flowery language but the truth of the matter is there.
    If you are not confident in yourself then simply doing a job thinking it will make you feel better won’t work. If anything it can make you feel worse to sit at a desk for 8 hours for a meager salary.
     
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  8. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    i got a random habit of watch of watching youtube from music to different talks. not sure if this helps

    but i liked it and wanted to share, if it gives a different perspective. sorry it is in hindi

     
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  9. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    it has subtitles.thank you:)
     
  10. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Maybe I will find a job first and see what happens.atleast I will earn some money if not nothing else.

    One thing I won't agree with is people who do not chase money are super lazy.Nope.That was super rude of him and not correct. There are many who are content but hardworking in different ways.

    But other than that..all good.
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2021
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