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is money everything in life???

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by goodartist, Feb 12, 2010.

  1. ajain35

    ajain35 Senior IL'ite

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    Hello dear artist,

    Here is what I think.
    you mention two problems. One you do not want to part your paintings and your hubby and inlaws want you to make money out of them inspite of the fact your husband makes decent money. The second is when you get lost in your art you forget about handling household that again annoys your husband and inlaws.

    For the first problem, you can have your paintings as long as you want but what is the value of art of which others are devoid of sensing? Maybe your husband and inlaws do not understand your paintings but don't you think you are doing wrong by not sharing your art with the world. What is knowledge if it is not shared? If something is given to you by nature, wouldn't it be good if you let others appreciate what you have created. Wouldn't this be a gift back to nature?
    Now if you do not want to earn money then why not donate it? Have an auction and sell your paintings and donate that money to some charity. The satisfaction you will get will put more life into your paintings.

    The second problem. Maybe it can be answered if you think and ask yourself as to, "why did I get married"? I hope the answer would be to have a family of your own and to live a life to its fullest.
    In that case, a family requires primarily two things: money to buy bread and a healthy place to live. Now you expect your husband to work day in and day out, maybe he is enjoying his job maybe not, but he is still going out every day to make money to buy bread. When he returns he expects a decent place where he can relax and unwind. With you lost in your art, and no one to take care of him when he is tired, there is bound to be dissatisfaction. He did his part of providing bread but did you do your part of providing a healthy place? Expecting him to do both parts isn't fair or is it?

    To answer your question, is money everything in life? Well no it isn't everything but it is something. And I feel that maybe your inlaws and husband want your art to be appreciated and the money a painting makes is similar to getting appreciation. You might be satisfied once you complete your paintings but your husband and inlaws want to share your paintings with the world to get everyone's appreciation and to show that they have such a fine artist in their family. Maybe to you all this expecting approval from others look superficial but when your husband shows the work of great artist who happens to be his wife, it would make him happy.

    I am not sure if I lost track somewhere ... but I wrote as much as I understood from what your wrote.

    Regards
    -AJ
     
  2. cutesmile09

    cutesmile09 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    why dont u think the other way round,may be ur hubby & inlaws want to show ur talent and artistic skills to the outside world.I knw tht u r making paintings to satisy ur innerself but wht is wrong if u show them to the outside world,other art lovers like u,may enjoy ur art too.just think over it again,Coming to ur other problem,as a homemaker u r expected to complete ur household chores first and then pursue ur hobby.In this way, u can make ur family members happy..
     
  3. goodartist

    goodartist New IL'ite

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    Thanks Priya, deepshika, Scorpiogal,Srama, Anasuya and Ajain for your fbs and all your positive words.

    Srama: I tried taking up teaching art in an institute here but apart from my art degree I have a pharmacy degree (my subject in college) so my job related to that fetches me more than teaching art. I loved and enjoyed that time teaching art but the incentives that my family in general gets with my pharmacy job are more. I told dh that OK then I will quit my art related job and take up pharmacy job and contribute 3/4th of my salary for the family budget but the rest is mine, for my art. He was ok for a long time, but then when there is a chance to make some more through my paintings then why not???.....that is his thinking. Thanks for the support

    Anasuya: Believe me I have read your post over and over so many times and thank you for all the encouragement and supportive words.

    Ajain: I have given my paintings, sketches and other art work as gifts to so many people. I make cards for new year or any ocassion and give to whoever wants it to gift to others. Sometimes, my friends ask me for a dozen cards and I make for them. They in turn send as greetings to their people. I never take money......I hate to do so. Couple of friends had housewarming and I asked them what they would prefer. Both said they wanted me to paint. I made reasonably big paintings for their bedrooms and they loved it. There is a time when I went for a visit to India, I painted for my SIL's husband's boss. My SIL's hubby gifted it to his boss.
    Also my inlaws house has so many of work. You know Ajain, I think that is the biggest mistake I ever did. Now, when someone sees that at inlaws place they ask them and then immediately people say, oh! if you sell these you will make SO MUCH money and then instead of seeing the work they start seeing $$$ going waste by not selling. I have told very clearly I can make how many ever you want but don't ever think of making money with it. My own office has some of my work displayed in the visitor's lobby. I make for my kids class to be given as gifts, for teachers. I volunteer for the art day at school every year. Dh has gifted his colleaugues my tanjore paintings since they are ethinic and the locals here like such ethinic works.


    All:
    Now, coming to dh's thinking. When I am engrossed in my work I know I neglect housekeeping but you see I can't help it. I am so tired too by the time I am done. Some days go just like that , they do not bring any results even when I give 100% attention to my work. OK so, last month I called in for maid service and they will charge......right?? If you see that as money being wasted then where is the answer to the problem. I work in a pharmaceutical company and believe me I work there to get my payslip only. I really do not bother who gets hike, what is the raise etc etc. When I was a girl, my dad used to say if you want to keep your art alive you should not neglect your homework because today I will support you in your interest but your husband in future may not approve so at that time you should be able to support your interest and only if you work and make money you can do it. I have a post graduate degree in pharmacy and I make decent amount. I cannot give 100% to house, job and my passion. Job is something I do to just get that payslip, housework I can manage if I get some outside help which comes with price tag and my passion is what I want to give 100% to. Now, hubby thinks that if I could spend less time on my interest then it will be good. I cannot do that. Though he has never forced me to give up entirely but he sometimes shows that frustration. I mean, what if we spend some $$ on housekeeping, should you always measure it to the amount you are not getting through my art??? While returning from work sometimes I just feel that urge to go home and pick up my brush but I am not that cruel too, I know my kids need to be fed, I cannot ask dh to cook because I know he will fret and grumble till he is done, so I pick up food on the way, dh does not like that.
    It is like this, I work(my job) and make X amount, so the general thinking among people I know is if she puts up her work(my art work) on sale she can make X+Y amount. That will compensate the Y amount she spends on art supplies, housekeeping etc....But I ask WHY???? Do yo always have to see the world through $$$ spent and $$$ earned????

    My art teacher and my mentor in India is whom I consider the richest person on earth. He lives in a small house, has a modest job but his creations are one of a kind, most beautiful ones ever seen. I take him to be the richest man. I meet him whenever I go to India. He told me the same thing as Anasuya said, develop thick skin or else you cannot get through in this life. He said you are still in a better postion being a woman, imagine how people talk about me, I am a man, my own wife considers me an Idiot, fit for nothing fellow who cannot buy her the house she longs for. He said what you are going through is just the begining, be prepared for the worst, sometimes may be from your own children.
    People may not agree with me but I say folks! money is not what life is all about.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2010
  4. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Goodartist,

    I have a suggestion, don't know if you'll like it, but just thought I'd put it out there. I haven't read all the other posts (only a few) so if somebody already suggested it then sorry for repeating.

    Maybe you are feeling hesitant to sell your work because each one is unique and a fresh burst of your creativity. But what happens if there is one painting in particular that everyone likes... couldn't you replicate it couple of more times, and sell the reproductions? Like, keep the original for yourself, and then sell the copies. Just a thought!

    You said that art is 100% your passion. Wouldn't you rather work and make a profit doing something you LOVE than work all day at a job you don't even seem to like? Many great artists during the Reinassance period in Europe were not starving artists... they were comissioned and taken care of by royalty. They painted/sculpted/composed music, and in return got money, a place to stay, and more supplies to make MORE art. Have you ever thought of turning your part time hobby into a full time job? Putting a price tag on your paintings doesn't make you less of an artist. And I feel, life is too short to do something half heartedly. If art is YOUR THING, then why not totally committ and make it your life's work? From what you've mentioned... your talents seem really in demand!

    Anyways, make the most out of the life you've got. Like others mentioned, you're extremely blessed to have such a unique gift. But keep in mind, you made a committment to be a wife and mother, hence you must force yourself to balance your time fairly.

    Best of luck. Keep painting always! :thumbsup
     
  5. goodartist

    goodartist New IL'ite

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    Thanks asuitablegirl for your fb.

    I worked for sometime at the art institute but as I said the incentives and the package attached to that is far less than if I work in the pharmaceutical company. I understand we have a huge mortgage to pay off, have 2 kids their education etc is also in future. So, seeing all this I thought of taking up a job which is more secured and the payslip keeps coming every month.
    Turning my hobby into my livelihood has been discussed earlier so many times but dh does not support that. He likes to see a good paycheck every month.Even before marriage I know we talked over this and he expressed his desire to have a working wife. I said I like earning too. Now, I do not want to get him all anxious and nervous venturing out into this different route altogether.
    I understand I am committed to being a wife and a mother and would not take that risk without adequate support at least from dh. What was considered my beauty/my talent 10yrs back is being considered as waste of time now if it does not fetch $$......thats the tragedy.

    I can attach a price tag this very moment but I am not happy doing that and we are also not in any need of those $$, so why consider not doing that as a waste of time/energy??
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2010
  6. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    Goodartist, I had assumed you were a stay-at-home mother. Now it seems (I hope I understood right) that you also work outside the home, and contribute to your household income. This puts a whole new perspective on things; a cleaning service, in this scenario, is the perfect example of what I mean when I advise a compromise that suits everyone. Given that you are already extending yourself in so many ways, I think it's even more important for you to be able to indulge your passion for your own sake. It is incredibly sad that your husband cannot see that.

    I also want to point out that there is much more to being a wife and mother than being a good cook and an excellent cleaner, although many of the Indians I know may consider this viewpoint heresy (my own father, for example, but thankfully not my husband). If your husband and children feel unloved and neglected because you are so involved with your art, then yes, I agree that you need to re-prioritise.

    However, if the main complaint is a less-than-spotless house and only-adequate meals, then I can't honestly tell you you need to sacrifice your art for the sake of improved housekeeping skills. A few decades from now, would you rather have precious and irreplaceable art works that remind you of certain important times, places, and people in your life, or the memory of a perfect house and meals long-since consumed? When you are no longer on this earth, which would your children rather possess?

    I get your point completely, but it doesn't seem many others around you do. Things shouldn't have importance only if we can attach a monetary value to it, but unfortunately, this seems to be the only way that your art will earn credibility, and your talent will be validated, in the eyes of your family. What you say about your art teacher is poignant - it is clear that you, and he, understand the value of the aesthetic, yet you both are persecuted by those who are blind to it. To cheapen that pure appreciation of art for the sake of art by commercializing it may not matter to a lot of other people, but I respect and admire you for the opposing stand you have taken.

    So, I have nothing to offer you but words of admiration for your talent and your courage in swimming against the tide. Your art is yours to do with as you please. I think it's insulting for others to tell you how to dispose of it, or make you feel like you're making stupid decisions, or wasting your time. In an ideal world, your wishes would be respected, you'd have time to paint (since you already make time for your family, and a job), and everyone would be happy.

    It's a pity that your husband didn't find someone to marry whose passion was being a Martha-Stewart-type domestic goddess (also a kind of woman I admire). I wish you all the best; even if you end up giving in to his demands (what's wrong with take-out food, or him doing the cooking, especially if you both work?), you have a rare and special talent, and no one can take that away from you.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2010
  7. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    I couldn't have said that better than Ansuya and share the same feeling/sentiment.

    Goodartist, in my own way I think I was telling you that no, not everything should have monetary value. When I suggested teaching,

    1. it was not looking at it from the perspective of money but felt that as an artist when you impart your knowledge and help another student learn the art, the satisfaction you would get is immense - I am sure you understand this when you speak about yourself and your Guru. We all know that teachers are the least paid and make the most difference in a child's life. This itself is your subtle of way taking a stand and standing by your passion.

    2. It also gives you an avenue to work your talent, albeit in a structured as well as in a more demanding environment. I was more thinking of the time you could get to devote to your art if not directly doing the work. So by teaching your passion is intact and your creativity has an avenue.

    My thinking was more on the lines of staying home and trying to deal with these emotions and still producing beautiful art versus teaching which might give you satisfaction, hopefully also giving you time to devote to your own work and still dealing with your suroundings - I am sure will make it easier - thus helping you live by your beliefs. I am with you, not everything is about money. But yes, you need to stop looking at people who look at things that way, even in this case if it is your husband. It is more a question of would you rather have the pleasure of doing what you do even if it is in small installments or not do anything at all for years together and one fine day wake up and try to catch up. We all owe ourselves that much if we have surroundings that do not work in our favor.
     
  8. goodartist

    goodartist New IL'ite

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    Thank you Anasuya and Srama for taking time to analyze the whole issue and give your support. I can't be more thankful for all the encouragement you gave.

    Like I said, I did try teaching but that did not work out well due to the low incentives they have. My pharmacy job pays well and I can compromise that for my family. Dh is a kind of guy totally opposite to me, he is the one who plans for his retirement even when he is in his 30s. A very practical man indeed. He never insisted I work and earn money but it was me who wanted to have my own job and my own money. I thought that way, pursuing my interest will not be a burden on my family. Since my pharmacy job is one where my family is benefitted with better pay so I opted for it though I thoroughly enjoyed my art teaching job.
    But, what I ask from dh is be a little more understanding and patient and give me my time to pursue my interest. And in those circumstances I ask him not to see the expense sheet but then how can he help not seeing it ??....that is his nature and way of doing things.

    At times my emotions run high I cannot just keep mum but have to vent out my frustration. It is indeed difficult for artists not only painters but even artists from any other field too, to come out of their imaginary, all perfect world and step into the real world. So many times we need to strike a balance and that takes a heavy toll on emotions.

    I cannot thank you enough for all the positive words that boost my morale. I needed it.
     
  9. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Totally understand goodartist. We all run through the phases. But keep things in perspective and enjoy your passion - I am so tempted to ask you to share your work, but I won't cross the line :). Many times just writing down - here or elsewhere just alone will give you a perspective you might have not had before. Enjoy your art.
     
  10. BeeAmma

    BeeAmma Silver IL'ite

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    Could it be that your husband is reacting like this because of the mortgage? I just want to turn the tables around a bit. If your husband were the artist and you were doing what your husband does professionally and you guys had a mortgage, would you let him paint and not monetize it? Would you have no financial expectations from him? Do you think that contributing financially is optional because of your gender?
     

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