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Is Mil Not Accepting Me??

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by poi098, Oct 8, 2017.

  1. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    The only solutionto sych an issue is to reply back saying whatever you have written.. You neednt be rude,but be firm in what you are saying especially if you know you are not wrong..

    Are yoh married recently? If yes,no wonder you are hesitating to replyback..And let me tell you...You will start answering back in the near future because we normally can tolerate control only for sometime.. Dont worry this too shall pass..
     
  2. poi098

    poi098 Bronze IL'ite

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    I reply back at times, but not always. I am not some one who can just blurt out what ever is in my mind , esp to in laws n all. My MIL looks kinda scary too, some times she makes BIG eyes which look like shes cuckoo :laughing: so that's why too.
    Married for a few months. Thats why hesitating.
     
  3. poi098

    poi098 Bronze IL'ite

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    I reply back at times, but not always. I am not some one who can just blurt out what ever is in my mind , esp to in laws n all. My MIL looks kinda scary too, some times she makes BIG eyes which look like shes cuckoo :laughing: so that's why too.
    Married for a few months. Thats why hesitating.

    The thing is people don't understand that us DILs WANT to live in peace with our MILs, its not that we LIKE to fight or argue to answer back, but 99% of the cases MILs make it impossible. I used to think i will obey MIL and not confront, like in peace. But alas, look whats happening. And who knows what will happen in the future.When i wasn't married, i used to think why do DILs fight with their MILs, why can't they behave the same like they do with their moms. Then later i realised the truth.
     
    zeppelingirl likes this.
  4. zeppelingirl

    zeppelingirl Silver IL'ite

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    I don't reply back to my in-laws too, but I take it to husband and we end up in ugly fights. And my in-laws don't know until now, its them who creates problem between us. They think we both have got little understanding or no understanding, thats y we fighting pretty often. I don't have the guts to talk back to my in-laws either. But in some places we should reply back, otherwise we DIL's will lose our peace over that.

    You could have said with a smiling face, don't worry MIL, I know my husbands clothes and I will take our both clothes and leave the rest in your room.

    For rangoli, you should have told her with again a smiling face, from next time onwards you draw the rangoli, I'm not that good in it. Don't ever help her in rangoli anymore. Even if she asks you to do it later days, just tell her to do it instead and make it clear, you don't want to see it erased after drawing it, its such a waste of time for you.
     
  5. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    I feel sad for you after reading your latest replies. What your MIL is doing (Rangoli, commenting that you never cook etc) is so hurtful and rude. I'm just praying for you that you will be able to stand up to all this bullying, without getting in trouble with your husband.
     
  6. dimhere

    dimhere Gold IL'ite

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    Some suggestions.

    1. Put the rangoli. But a smaller one to the side, leave the main place for her. Where she can be queen and do it HER way, but urs will be on the side, and she can't rub it.

    2. Make the subji, but little, so she will have to come back and make the chips. Tell you wanted to try it for the first time since you have never made it, and want to learn.

    3. This "want to learn" reason is genuine, and can be used often. Say you want to learn, even if you know how to do it, it will surely appease her ego. Always, always make such requests loud and clear when your DH is around. Tell him atleast twice a week, "I feel for your mother, today she had to go out, still she came back and cooked awesome for us. I am there to help at home. Why can't I take some load off her? She is not getting any younger.."

    "Today is the weekend, I could have dried the clothes, I dont know why she has rules about places for clothes and strains herself.. I will do it na somehow, they will anyway dry and she will get a break."

    4. TELL, TELL this to your DH.
    At no point, should anyone feel YOU have not made an effort.
    Always the reason is CONCERN for his mother. Always the point being you never get to do anything WHEN YOU ARE FREE.

    5. Don't rashly offer ALL help and get into too much work. Control freaks are like that. Suddenly they will snap and say, "OK, Let's see YOU handle it." and stay away and watch the fun while you struggle and their importance is proved again.

    6. Do something COMPLETELY NEW that she doesn't know at all and cannot compete.
    Does she bake? No? Then buy an oven, and start making tasty breads and cupcakes for your DH.
    Does she sing? No? Then join a music class, and sing in front of the pooja room, and get on Smule, and sing well.
    Does she garden? No? Then have potted plants wherever possible, and tend to them.
    Does she share her snacks with neighbors? No? Then make sweets, offer to God, say it is prasaad, and distribute to like-minded neighbors.
    You get the idea??

    7. APPRECIATE her to the skies. This will be tough. But you HAVE to do it. Again, loudly, in front of DH. The first spoon of subji in your mouth.
    "Wow, ma, this is yum. You have so much experience. You must have made it so many times, you can do this with your eyes closed. I also have to learn like you soon."
    OR,
    "Actually, I also know how to make this too, I usually put A, B, C powders. Did you make it the same way? This is yum. I will cook this version next time."
    OR,
    "Can you tell me when it is the right stage to take this off the flame? I will watch and learn next time, so I can practice."

    Be smart about this problem. Do not let it fester inside you and build negativity. Your posts are increasingly becoming angry, negative. Simply DON'T engage.
    DON'T let the control freak in the house control your mind along with the kitchen too.
     
    AAPriya likes this.

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