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Is marriage really worth it?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Ivanhoe, Dec 17, 2014.

  1. Ivanhoe

    Ivanhoe Bronze IL'ite

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    Looking at the many experiences of married people, I have been just thinking aloud. There are always exceptions to the rule. And there is no denying the fact that some (and only some) marriages are truly happy. Most are in varying stages of decay or dysfunction.

    Once you are stuck in a bad marriage, then begins the trauma. And in the long process breaks many a heart and scars anyone for life. Again exceptions.... but nevertheless a long drawn traumatic experience for all concerned.

    Love will last longer if lovers remain just lovers. And if the need to part company then so be it. The heartache that follows may be more easily bearable than a divorce proceeding; and all that it entails like losing custody of children (they will belong to the mother) are easily avoided.

    Ofcourse those that find happiness in a marriage; well, they are the lucky ones and all strength to them. But these are only a few that are so fortunate. But what if the (moral) support comes from the mother rather than a husband? Assuming (for a moment) that there are no economic issues involved.
     
  2. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    Are you sure about the above? Are you looking at the love that precedes a marriage to tell that those who were in love longer before they got married, were happier, during the love phase?

    What if at the outset, people knew that this will be love and will not progress anywhere. Will the love last long? Or will they get bored with the person whom they are in love with, when they see someone else who seems better? Does marriage protect against such a thing by taking the relationship to a deeper level step by step.

    I am not advocating anything. Just thinking out aloud, along with you.
     
  3. Ivanhoe

    Ivanhoe Bronze IL'ite

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    When there is an expectation out of loving someone I believe that love gets soiled (so to say) even if that expectation is a marriage. If it's pure love the chances of it lasting longer is brighter. Many a time the lurking expectation snuffs out a great tender loving relationship quite early in its career. And definitely so after marriage; ruling out the very rare exceptions.
     
  4. Ivanhoe

    Ivanhoe Bronze IL'ite

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    If it's just two people determined to adjust with each other then there should be no problematic marriages. Most people enter a legal relationship, I am sure, with that pure intention. But then most times even after several attempts at compromises, just to save the marriage, takes a heavy toll on the relationship. And being iron clad (in the form of marriage) breaking it too becomes very painful and traumatic.
     
  5. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Well educated with successful career and hefty family inheritance, I needed someone to take care of me after my dad. Yes, l am lazy but simple minded person. I am a planner, DH is the doer.

    Not sure, it was a match made in heaven....or in my grand parents house.

    DH gives me the freedom that my parents didn't give and be the same person as I am always. Some times, I felt like a "show piece" in his life. Certain things are unavoidable.......overall rating A+.
     
  6. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

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    So, no marriage equates to no children? Is that the expectation of a marriage?

    Or is the expectation that I will be with you, better or for worse, in joy and sorrow, sickness and health, richness and poverty, till death do us apart.
     
  7. JustMyself

    JustMyself Gold IL'ite

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    This is also the precise reason why marriages should be in place. Now, going by your funda, if staying as lovers is better, what happens to the kids who come out of this relationship ? Do you mean to say, you rather not have kids ? Or the kids could just grow with only one parent ? or Are you saying just because you walk out on a relationship you can still continue to "see" your kids without legal complications ? How does that help any kid feeling safe & secured or helps you to be a good parent to the kid ?

    What happens when the individual chooses to continue to dabble on different partners because that "relationship" is not working ? Is it healthy for the individual, or for the kids ? Would it not make the individual feel like a loser as he/she could never make a relationship "work" to ensure stability for her/his-self and kids ?

    This is precise reason, marriage was brought into picture and to hold a marriage bigger than just an individual's "uncompromised" happiness alone.

    When you enter into a marriage, the commitment you are making is more than the commitment that you are making when you just enter into "living together" phase. That very element will help individuals to restrain themselves when temptation occurs, or to compromise when they could let go of something, for the happiness of others.

    Any choice should be made after we weigh the pros and cons, Based on that aspect, it is more advantages to be in a married relationship than in an open-relationship.
     
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  8. GeethaMadhuri86

    GeethaMadhuri86 Senior IL'ite

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    There is a reason behind everything our elders say or do...marriage is happy depends on our fate and har work and smiling nature ...it is same as doing job...we go into a job knowing 0% iof oofice environment...when u can deal with it...u can deal with anything else...One day u want a person..boy/girl...when ur bro/sis,mom/dad is no more or busy in there life to take care of u...then u will think of a person whom u can share ur happiness or sorrow...I would say if u dont have few people to share ur happiness/sorrow ..u havent lead a life at all...
     
  9. JustMyself

    JustMyself Gold IL'ite

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    Good discussion though ! Thanks for opening this thread @ivanhoe
     
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  10. Ivanhoe

    Ivanhoe Bronze IL'ite

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    I have great respect for the Institution of marriage. My point is whether the actual experience is a happy one for most married couples? The objectives and perceived advantages are no doubt highly laudable; but do they translate on the ground?

    Instead if one had lovers and (assume for a moment) the society gives the concept of marriage a decent burial then what could happen? I feel women will continue to have children but will be looked after by her mother and siblings. She will continue to be a free person and truly experience quality love... unlike being stuck in an unhappy or boring or humdrum routine existence in a lacklusture marriage.

    Instead, let's assume a couple deeply in love. And this love has no expectations from each other of any kind (since marriage is no longer believed in). No expectations enter here other than each other's company. The woman is supported by her mother and her siblings, besides her own, with children looked after by everyone.

    Many of us live with parents atleast till we get married. Once married parents are low priority and get neglected or become lonely. Properties too get divided and more important there is no longer the strong emotional connect that a human badly needs.

    Also no more worries about marriage expenses or dowry. No one need worry about getting a "suitable" partner. So much of our life is freed in so many ways. If it can be so why restrict our freedom by marriage. Also we can experience whatever that marriage can provide even more intensely. By just making a slight shift we can have a quality relationship with a quality life.... And with so many advantages at every step.

    Hope I have answered poovai, JustMyself, geetaMadhuri86 and FromMars.
     

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