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Is Marriage A Set Back For The Career Of A Working Woman?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Nov 7, 2018.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Of late, I've been hearing a lot of stories about married women, who had to sacrifice their careers after marriage.

    Unfortunately this trend is only for the women, and not for the men. I mean, no men say they had to make extra effort after marriage for their career, or had to lose it altogether to keep the marriage going.
    But this is in fact a bitter truth for many women.
    Either they had to push so hard to balance work and home, so that they could continue their career. Or, they had to give up their career for good.

    Understood, that the society believes only a woman could provide for the emotional needs of the family. Specially the nurturing of a mother is vital in every child's growing up.
    Therefore, the society asks, rather forces the women to quit their career. For them a woman's primary responsibility is her home, career comes only after that.

    Accepted, if it is the norm across all families. So, that no one spends extra on women's education. Perhaps, after secondary school (that's reasonable education for survival), girls could focus on what a home-maker needs for life. Such as cookery, interior décor, teaching skills (for kids), sawing, child care, basic nursing etc..etc...
    There are so much areas, which could ease a home maker's life.
    After all, if you see yourself staying at home down the line, and nurturing the family full time, learning such skills gives more power to you.

    What irks me is the girls' extra ordinary efforts in excelling their studies from primary schools. Notably girls study so hard and earn better credits compared to boys at Schools and colleges.
    Despite of the family hardships, many girls go for higher education, making their parents indebted for life...
    They often study seriously without wasting not even a single day of their youth life with great ambitions.

    Now that, they chose to enter marriage market, and nod their heads when the groom's family demands them to stay at home.

    You may argue, like education is an asset and there is no loss even if you don't work.
    I know, but why study Engineering and IT to ultimately end up working full time at your home/kitchen?

    And Professional life is not easy either. It takes another level of sacrifice for women.
    But it also gives you self confidence and independence and a sense of achievement altogether with a social life. And I always believe we studied so hard back then to get all the above with a pay ch.

    Sooner or later, we all will be the guides to our children, specially the we will become the role models to our daughters.

    Though our mothers stayed at home back then, they were happy and confident and were very smart role models for us.
    We strived so hard in life by looking at our mothers mostly. It is because they did not lose anything behind when they entered marriage. They did not feel like sacrificing their lives for us.
    They just lived their lives!!!

    Now that, ladies, its time for you to think whether you are that role model that your daughter wants to follow?
    You must teach and train your young daughters to plan their future.
    No one should feel as if they have lost their life or sacrificed it or wasted it at the end of the day.
    It doesn't mean a successful life is problem free. What matters is how you handle it, and solve it successfully without succumb to it.

    Are you happy, confident, successful in your life?
    Are you the one your daughter aspires to become in life? She doesn't have to copy you, but can always follow you.
    If yes, no matter what you do... it means you are doing a great job. My mom is a successful home-maker!!!
    If not, time to think about it, and change as needed.

    More power to all the ladies here!!!:hearteyes::hearteyes::hearteyes::hearteyes:
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2018
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  2. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    The reason why marriage dies not impact men's career is that they are taught to be breadwinners, so no choice for them , they have to do it.

    Some woman think it is choice hence they give priority to home and mostly children's care.

    it takes a lot of effort to have a successful career along with carrying responsibilities of home, need to.buid strong support systems of family members or helpers or day care to be able to work guilt free when it comes to children's care.

    many women in my family including my mother ,aunts were all working so for me and my sis growing, it was very natural to just talk about getting a job after education, marriage never figured till we were settled in jobs. There were never thoughts of being a home maker and actually cannot contemplate me being a full time home maker.

    my kids and my neices think it is very natural for mom and dad to have jobs as we speak about work of mom all the time at home, and about their future aspirations all the time, so I hope the next gen will follow previous two gens.
     
  3. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Marriage no. Kids yes ! It’s hard to raise kids with no external help if both parents have busy stressful professional lives. One parent has to take a step back sometimes and more often it’s a woman.
    It made more sense in our case for me to take a step back because husband has a well paying job compared to mine. There is no sexism in this decision just plain simple math and common sense.
     
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  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I worked in IT for 5 years. But after marriage I had to quit my job, since we had to move out of the country. I even requested my company to get transferred to the new location but they never agreed. So I had no choice but to quit!

    But I’m not able to work due to visa issues that’s secondary. But inspite of studying engineering now I feel bad at times.

    In our previous generation, men mostly used to be the primary breadwinners for the family.

    But now it’s totally different!
    It’s really difficult to maintain home once you start a family with just single persons salary and especially if you are in a metro city.

    And most importantly woman can be financially independent which is the greatest thing ever!! She need not beg her husband for money especially if he is too much stingy! Some men are loving and understanding and give money and cards without even asking. But not all are lucky to get such husbands. So in such cases it’s better if woman has her own ways of getting income.

    But I agree that to an extent , marriage affects woman’s career!
    But if she chooses career after marriage she has to compromise on so many things to juggle between home and work.

    Both has its own pros and cons
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2018
  5. Samantha111

    Samantha111 Senior IL'ite

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    I agree ...marriage should not be an end to a successful career. Like men, women should also be given equal opportunities to go out and work but I am not sure if that happens ..you need to be really lucky to get a MIL who understands the imp. Of a girls career and helps her do well professionally..I have seen families where that happens but not every where. My parents are quite broad minded and I also thought that I will have a great career.I was a bright student. But after marriage since my husband had a travelling profile..somebody had to be there at home taking care of the kids. So I had to take the decision but looks like that was a worst decision of my life coz after some time.you feel that you are so engulfed in household responsibilities that you don't get time for yourself...you end up looking like a slob...husband starts getting annoyed with every thing that you say..relatives don't give you a lot of imp coz they think that housewives are just a burden .... to all the girls that were working before marriage and are leaving jobs coz their husband's want them to...I would suggest that they should think 10 times before leaving ..... even if you have to leave your kid to a day care ..I would say that they should and get to work coz it is so imp to be independent financially and otherwise too
     
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  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    I totally get your point :coldsweat:
     
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  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    @armummy I love your response.
    Kids learn so much positivity from independent moms, and that helps them to stay positive in their future lives.
    Regardless of your status whether working or not, it is important to stay confident in life

    @SinghManisha
    In your case, it is fair enough. But this is not the case for all.
    Regardless of women's professional status, they are forced to quit or take a back seat simply for their gender.
    Not all the wives are in low paying jobs. Specially when many girls pass out college with flying colors, and start up their career at very young... they all can't be in low paying jobs to quit,to validate their decision as simple math. There should be something behind....

    @shravs3 Circumstance play a major role against women in this case too. It is unfortunate that you had to stay at home after majoring in Engineering.
     
  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Not really.
    I have a worst MIL. Worst of all.
    No support, but so much hindrance all the way.
    But I have built my support system through others. A great nanny, a maid, a driver, a supportive neighbor, and above all my mom. My siblings and their spouses and my uncle, and the list is so big.
    When we were in abroad, a Sri Lankan day care center and the manager/owner of that center was my reliable support system.
    I have trained my H to take up equal responsibilities when it comes to home and kids. It is a never ending training by the way.
    And we have always made major decisions considering my career and my future as an important factor.
    Because, I play as an important role in my family as mom and wife. If I am down, and feel empty, no matter how rich we are, the family will not be complete.

    Exactly... There is always a way.
    Not all the professional women have a supportive MIL or reliable support system to start with. The journey is always tough. But it gives the best outcome at the end. If there is a will, there is a way.
     
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  9. Sri2196

    Sri2196 Silver IL'ite

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    In my opinion,career gets affected more when woman gives birth to a child. Unless she has trustworthy people around who can take care of the kid,a woman is expected to quit her job. I think companies in such cases should offer WFH options and become a bit more mom-friendly.
     
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  10. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Giving priority to one's own career is always a personal choice.

    when we had a situation that I was in US and my husbands project was mostly in UK and India, I chose to return to India because we wanted to be together and I wanted to have a job.

    when my husband got an opportunity to work in US , I took leave and applied for work permit and it was delayed , so I chose to go back and my husband followed me to India.
    the reasons for doing that was because I place a lot of importance to my career ,it is just not a job or some means to earn money.

    one key thing is to get trustworthy help for childcare, I asked my cook to become my kids nanny and i asked my other maid's daughter to be a part time helper. I did not go for new people, I chose to take help from knows helpers.i also ensured they had strict and reasonable timings not overworked, weekend time off so they come refreshed next week to take care of my kid


    I had three maids at one point of time to ensure smooth running of home and caring of Child. I reduced my work hours at office to 9-6 and then used to work late nights once the kid was asleep. it take a lot but if you want to you can do it.
     

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