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Is It Wrong To Serve Food To My Husband?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anika987, Oct 28, 2021.

  1. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Maybe the person doesn’t know your equation well enough. We come from such a patriarchy that anything like this is by default associated with it.

    I would notice but not say anything if I were in someone’s house that I don’t know well enough. Maybe your guest isn’t the kind that keeps their opinion of other people to themselves.
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    True laks..

    Everyone has their own way of life.

    I never do anything if I do not love it.I am a very stubborn person that way.If I do by this to my husband,it is also coz it the way he treats me and purely out of my personal choice.He makes me feel good to be around him and I want to do something for him.

    As you said,people do not even know what and why others choose a certain lifestyle and randomly make comments based on their perceptions.

    Got a bit irritated by that comment but now okay:)
     
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  3. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    i have been doing for more than 10 years, serve him. i eat after he starts. got a lot of rolling eyes and comments . i do not care. just like you .

    it does not matter about his treatment , though he has given everything i can ever ask for.

    it is just my life choice.

    too be honest do not bother. lot of people have opinions for almost everything reasons now a days. it has nothing to do with feminism, equality. one of my friends was commenting similar. however when i look at her, she drinks like anything and remains passed out most of the day at home to the point kids make fun of her.
     
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  4. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    So true..it has nothing to do with feminism or equality.
     
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  5. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    Somethings we do out of love, and somethings are forced.

    I always love to serve food to my husband, a little bit of effort makes his day. My friend who is working thinks I treat my husband like a king, but I told her I feel this way as my husband treats me like an equal and with respect so I do this out of love, like I would do for my kids. Don't know where patriarchy came in between. He also serves me water and juices all the time.

    But yeah, my MIL(and SIL) does shame me giving SIL's example, that I should start eating food only after my husband is done eating. Or that I should get up to put his plate in sink after he gets up , even if I am not finished eating. Those are purely patriarchal things, and it is toxic to give example of other women to shame other women. I don't know why SIL is doing this , voluntarily or whatever, but when such examples are used upon other woman, that is sad. SIL and her husband don't even have a good relationship, she constantly calls him ugly and regrets marrying him, so I don't know what is the point of this fake respect. So no need to bother, everyone's equation is different, and should not let outsiders dictate our married life.
     
  6. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    well said
     
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  7. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    yes that is what i mean when some people find fault with everything. support you do that put plate in sink . they will discover something new.
     
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  8. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    I think these comments and opinions will never end.No matter what you do..people will always figure out a way to give an opinion
     
  9. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, very true ! I am now experienced enough to know al this.

    BTW I do pick up my husband's plate, and other times he picks up my plate- there is no rule- it just happens one way or the other, after we are done eating, either one of us just picks up both plates depending on the situation.

    But now I stopped doing that in front of others, when guests /relatives are over. It looks bad and sets bad example for other women in society. I feel it's a private matter we do affectionately , but in front of guests, we should be more formal. Otherwise it attracts unwanted attention. Even my husband thinks the same way.
     
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  10. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    I tell such people - Yes - I always wait for my DH to complete his dinner before eating my breakfast next morning... I call up at 3 pm to ask if he finished lunch, then only I have my dinner!

    :D:D
     

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