Is it wrong to find long lost love?

I have been married for 8 yrs now with 2 kids. I used to have a severe crush on my cousin (aunt's son) since childhood days. To add to that, our parents used to talk infront of us we should get them married etc. So i developed crush/infatuation/love on him. Me and my cousin are both very shy so we talked rarely. After i became teenager i completely stopped talking to him due to shyness and so does he. There is not much of a age difference between us. All these years he is my only crush. We grew up and i got married to some one else. I didn't say about my feeling towards my cousin to my parents because i was not sure what is on my cousin's mind/parent's mind. I really wished he should've talked to me few times so i know what is on his mind. Any way my marriage happened now i have 2 kids. All these years i haven't forgotten about my cousin at all.

Coming to my marriage, my husband is partially good, takes good care of children. When he is mad he verbally/physically abuses me and apologizes. I never had this emotional connection with him, even after these many years i am not able to share anything to him freely. He is not a bad person.

I always wondered may be atleast i should have taken the step and should've let my cousin know my feelings. I atleast wanted his friendship so 2 years back i got his contact information and mailed him. He is not married yet. From then on we started chatting regularly. Nobody knows this except us because if our parents know it will be an awkward situation. In all these conversations we both expressed our childhood attraction etc. He also told that he felt bad when my marriage got fixed, but he was not settled at that time so he didn't had courage to say anything. Now we both are good friends we talk about family issues etc. We never crossed our limits and i am simply enjoying his company. Sometimes as a married person i wanted to maintain distance with him but if i dont login to chat he pings me 'what is wrong?' 'how long should i wait?'.

It's been 8 years since we have seen each other. More than 13 yrs since we talked to each other except the chatting from past 2 yrs. 2 weeks back in the middle of conversation he said he wants to meet me atleast once before his marriage is fixed. Seriously i wanted to meet him too, atleast an hour. I wanted to see how he changed as an adult, i want to talk to him in person. To do this,we have to plan so secretly.

The thought of meeting him makes me so happy but again i dont know whether i am making a mistake. Why am i dragging this relation? Am i expecting anything? Is he expecting anything? I know it is ethically wrong but some how i am not able to control my feelings towards him. We both know our limits and i wouldn't do anything that will hurt his/my image.

My children are my first priority but somehow why am i having feelings towards him. How should i control these feelings? My hubby never gave the emotional support i needed , is it what i am expecting from my cousin? I will never stop our friendship but please tell me is meeting him a right decision? Sometimes i tell myself i shouldn't meet him but as soon as i chat with him i change my mind. Once he is married he will have his life, what is wrong in meeting him before he gets busy? I dont want to regret in future for my decision but at the same time i dont want to let go a chance to meet him once in my life.

Please advice me.

 

Thanks ladies for your replies. Yeah i know, i am thinking abnormally. Ok i will tell him it is not possible to meet. Anyway we live countries apart so it is not so easy to meet either. I am not ready to cut chatting with him. More than crush he is my friend now. I shared so many problems with him, and it is comforting to hear his advises. Seriously i am not expecting him to stay/talk with me forever. Once he is married i wont intefere in his life anymore. I am glad atleast i have few memories with him.