Is it worth scraping and saving like this?

Everyone is giving their views here. But where is Nithya??

Is it that she does not have have a net connection at home and hence can't login often.

 

HI Nithya,


I suggest forget about convincing your hubby for a while. Let him be on his own. Why dont you try something else??
After talking to him openly about finances, you know the response (vague) from him. Now theres no point in further pushing him. From your posts, i understand that you are an educated person. Instead of again spending more dollars, getting a certification and then starting up a job, why dont you start something rightaway. Something like after-school care or catering. Excuse me if this doesnt suit you, but let me tell you, for a while by doing this (since H4s dont have much choice in US) you will be able to restore your self-confidence rather than blaming your hubby for this misery. I have seen many ladies here doing after-school care. As the kids will be grown up, it will not be a hassle. They might wait in your house till the parents return from office for a few hours. You can place an ad in sulekha or some local yellow pages and get started!! Earn a few dollars yourself and you will feel the difference!!
You were a sensible adult when you got into this marriage but unfortunately things did not turn out the way you wanted. Until and unless you take some steps, you cannot change this present state. All the time staying at home and blaming your hubby will leave you in a more depressed state.
I would suggest think of some ways (if not in a group) to keep yourself occupied. Try volunteering in a local library for a month or so and see the changes in yourself.
Wake up, lady!! Dont let yourself go thru this!! After all, its your life and you have every right to tune it the way you want. Try this once....dont think it as a long term project...juss think this is like some medicine required to cure your present illness. Try this for a month or so...and then decide.
My wishes are with you,
vani

 

Nitya,

I agree with Vani 100%. You will have to come out of this misery yourself. See where your interest lies alternatively see what you can do from home and earn some money. This way you will start getting financially independent and your self confidence will also boost.

As Vani mentioned start with something like voluntary help and other alternatives are baby sitting, after school care, cooking(catering), in gujju families i have seen them calling a lady once or twice a week to cook food for 3-4 days or you can also make food at home and ask them to pick it up.

Be proactive. Don't lose your self confidence...no one is worth it. God has given us a wonderful life let us make the best of it. Once you are confident about yourself, you will also be able to stand up for your self. So dear girl wake up and don't wallow in self pity.

All the best.

 

Nithya.......i am not sure why i dont see your replies often (are you restricted from even browsing frequently in the name of cost cutting?)

husband is the most intimate of a relation a women can have...its pathetic if you have to be so hesitant....to even ask what you want(4get about getting it)

any one would like to live a life of comfort and is no pleasure... if we are asked to compromise in all things and everything... your demands sounds reasonable......but again WHY DO YOU HESITATE.... if you can say that in an open forum to complete strangers why not to your husband?

when i read your posts i am imaging a women in a strange land, living alone with a husband,, but not very comfortable to talk to him or ask him anything...feeling bad that you are hesitant to even go outside..........because you do not have a dime :-(

get a job............ASAP and that money should serve only you.....become financially independant.........girl............

 

Dear Nithya,
I am in the same boat as u. Its been 3 years since i got married. I tell u there is no use in talking to ur husband, unless he has some soft corner to u. Mine is the worst, he scolds me and my family with all the possible bad words. Now after sitting at home Idle for about 2 years, i have decided to do something. I thought of doing babysitting at home for 2 kids. I dont know how i will do , but still being with kids u will forget everything. I am an M.Tech graduate and dont ask me how i led myself into this pit. I am trying to come out of it.
I am willing to do babysitting at my home. I can teach them all the knowledge i have. I can also teach them few shloka's too. So if anyone is willing in this forum, pls mail me. It wud be of gr8 help to me.
Thanks.

 

Div, i would suggest don't restrict your self to just baby sitting. Take whatever comes your way.

My co-sis had done a small course on taxation and she was helping some firm part time with their paper work. I think she was also doing it for individuals who didn't have time for this or were not interested in doing it.

She was operating from freemont. Now, on maternity leave.

 

Dear Nithya,
Do not support his words by saying ok yes i will not be able to do this or that ... instead say yes, i think its a good idea . Otherwise you will keep loosing confidence as a result of your own words apart from hubby's behaviour. When he tries to put your enthusiasm down by saying negatives , take it up as a challenge, be cheerful... insist of learning new skills like that course or that hobby kit, then go ahead pour yourself into it and finish it. May be you can start saving money by doing jobs like baby sitting. talk to hubby that you have to do that educational course . suggest that if you get a job then it will be overall beneficial to both of you because then he will not be the only earner of the family and your joint earnings will give you more comfort. perhaps this will make sense to him. So insist and suggest that you will also put your saving into course fee but he needs to trust you right now. otherwise its a kind of deadlock - he wont give you money to study and without studying further you cannot earn a handsom amount. And most important do not feel so sensitive and emotional, learn to ignore his discouragement. forget about being guilty. Once you become financially independent you wont have to ask him for each penny. so work on this direction. with sweet talk or showing your strong desire make him pay for the education money. besides if you feel that its really a big stress on him then you can pay back that money to him once you get a job.
Regards
Oaktree

 

[I wanted to get a [COLOR=green! important][COLOR=green! important]painting[/color][/color] kit just for hobby he asks me do you really need it? are you really going to complete it? Do you know how to do painting etc. etc. His behaviour makes me feel as if getting something for myself just out of my will or just for hobby is a waste of money. I end up telling him no I don't think i'll be able to do it and that's it.] -

OMG :shock: Nithya this is too much - but is this his classic behavior with everybody or just with your needs?

But why do you deprive yourself of what you want, sometimes you need to be asssertive to get what you want, My husband did this once with me, i told him clearly that i want it get me, he got it, but then on he doesnt ask too many questions, because he knows i am going to make him get that for me anyway.

Probably your husband has got that ,if he asks you mulitple questions, you will end giving up and he is repeating history again and again.

Try once and see what results it brings