is it possible to live with such a man?

Tridev · Jun 7, 2010

Its really sad that your DH does not go out with you , I would rather feel if the relationship is good otherwise, spouse are best companion always

ushkrish said: ↑

hi
some men feel that having female tagging along (even if it is their wife ) is too much of a responsibility on them. so they try avoid taking them with them. it is just that they cannot handle that. they will often give flimsy reason for not going out with their wives. it is a feeling they have developed in their childhood so it becomes difficult even for them to overcome. any way try going out with your friends which might be much more fun filled just as komala and sri said.
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sarma · Jun 7, 2010

nmtkar123 said: ↑

ya i hav been driving fir 17 yrs now. ya he does seem interested in our son as he is older now and techi like him. ya u r right he does learn a lot at school i shudnt worry abt him doing much at home they do go out when i am not home or i am going somewhere. u actually make me feel like its okay i shudnt worry too much which is a good feeling. i miss weekend trips families usually take the travel experience making him do anything i ask is impossible but i want to start doing things on my own or with single friends. i feel my life has been on hold forever and i am tired of asking him to do sumthing he doesnt want to do but its hard to live a seperate life under one roof. being home on the wknds makes me sad but i am trying to make seperate plans. i hav to teach myself that. thanks Sri
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If this is the only major issue of divergence in your life/marriage, try to look past it. Making separate plans is, imo, a drastic step and a last resort.

Instead of looking up to him to take the leadership, why don't you make plans? He may tag along. Dunno if you tried that. Summer is here, you can always plan day trips and events with other friends like family outings.

My experience with friends whose husbands fit the description you give, come out of their shell after a few events. Try to set the tone by planning a few events with other families. Involve people whose company he likes.

swarnalata.N.S. · Jun 7, 2010

Dear
What you are telling is not looking very strange to me. It is very common behaviour I have seen in men here ( South India) who are conservative or traditional minded like this because of growing up and these ideas getting into their head because all their fathers and grandfathers and uncles all behave same way with wife. They think wife is for cooking, looking after kids, keeping house clean etc. And not happy companions for going out together. Some men even think it is not "Manly" to go shopping with wife.But they will be very happy and merry with friends. I know many middle age men like this.

Some newly married men think they should not project image of "henpecked husband" so they will not go out too much with wife, especially if they live with joint family or living near relatives.

But it is not symptom that he is not loving the wife. Some husbands cannot "show" love thats all.

Don't worry for minor things like this if otherwise he is good man. After some years, husbands will change.

Best of luck.

nmtkar123 · Jun 8, 2010

u r right ushkrish u hav just nailed the problem he has never taken responsibility and has no intention either. i am the man in the house i am just the opposite of him but sure i can find alternatives but is this why i married is it worth it after 14 yrs ive had it!

nmtkar123 · Jun 8, 2010

Sarma and Swarnlata
i agree with u 100% and i hav tried all things u suggested i am ready to take initiative but he is not interested if i hav to liv by myself why not just do that . atleast its not a mystery why?

OOPALL · Jun 8, 2010

I would recommend that you guys go out with friends and perhaps that will make your DH feel that he is with male friends and it may turn out to be a nice experience.
If that doesn't work then, you can go with a few of your lady friends and call it a gals day out!! Enjoy Life!

OOPALL.