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is it possible to live with such a man?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by nmtkar123, Jun 6, 2010.

  1. nmtkar123

    nmtkar123 Senior IL'ite

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    hi Indusfriends
    just wanted to get ur opinion. how do u deal with a husband who does not believe in any outings on the weekend, just wants to go out when he wants to eat out or when his male friends call him for a beer. is this a normal married life and does this kind of marriage have any future. talking does not work and nothing does? is it worth it?
     
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  2. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    why he doesnt want to go out? is it because hehas to drive? or did he visit those places already? or is it about he has to spend money?? what are his reasons for not going out with you?? (As you said he goes out with this friends but not with you!!)

    Even before all the above questions...could you explain how he behaves at home? i.e after he comes back from work, does he start a conversation? or do you start asking him how was his day at work? does he share info about hsi work/colleagues/friends/family?? how is the basic communication b/w both of you...do both of you see each other as FUN to be aroudn with??
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2010
  3. nmtkar123

    nmtkar123 Senior IL'ite

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    he is not much of a talker with me talks more with friends money is not the issue just does not believe in going out just eating out and shopping is his only outing has long distance driving phobia my son is not learning anything he is just glued to his dad since he is 11 now turning into him i think he enjoys being single doesnt want to give in to being a family man. i am so done with this i work during the week and i luv going out on the wknds
     
  4. komalkg

    komalkg New IL'ite

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    Hi

    Its really sad. , I can understand coz my husband is pretty much the same. All I can say is to have a group of your own, female friends with whom you can hangout during the weekend, Once he sees you enjoying on ur own, he would realise it on its own, its a male psychology. Since ur working, making friends would be easy. believe me, its more fun shopping with a gang of girls than a husband who cribs on everything u try or buy:thumbsup
     
  5. nmtkar123

    nmtkar123 Senior IL'ite

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    thanks Komal
    just curious how long hav u been married and how do u handle it. i had tried a lot of yrs ago but got tired of it besides its really hard to find friends who want to do things without their families
     
  6. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    How about you guys try to team up with anyof your friends families or neighbours and go out ?? did you try that?

    If he has this driving phobia, we cant push him to do something he is terrified about. He has to eventually come out of it by himself. Reg. your kid not learning anything, I guess you can come up with some indoor games related to a 11 yr old and ask both the son and the father to play like chess or scrabble or something that would actually sharpen the thinking skills. At the age of 11 I am sure kids learn a lot at school so dont fret it too much. By the way do you drive??? If not why not start taking driving lessons? who knows might be you can try to take your kid around for a while or ask your husband whether he would be interested to sit by your side when you are driving.

    Does your husband discuss and talk with your kid? like what the kid does at school etc? ask your husband and son to go out for a walk, encourage them to spend more time and you take off from this whole stressful thing.

    Are you working? Am sure there would be lot of moms who would want to meet up and have some time togehter, just look for them around your neighbour hood and at your work place. If not start enrollng yourself and the kid for some summer activities where you can meet up new friends and your son too can make some friends.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2010
  7. nmtkar123

    nmtkar123 Senior IL'ite

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    ya i hav been driving fir 17 yrs now. ya he does seem interested in our son as he is older now and techi like him. ya u r right he does learn a lot at school i shudnt worry abt him doing much at home they do go out when i am not home or i am going somewhere. u actually make me feel like its okay i shudnt worry too much which is a good feeling. i miss weekend trips families usually take the travel experience making him do anything i ask is impossible but i want to start doing things on my own or with single friends. i feel my life has been on hold forever and i am tired of asking him to do sumthing he doesnt want to do but its hard to live a seperate life under one roof. being home on the wknds makes me sad but i am trying to make seperate plans. i hav to teach myself that. thanks Sri
     
  8. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear

    When we know we dont see a change in this area of your husbands behaviour, and its been around 11+ years??? BEST thing to is make your own circle rather than trying to change him, that way you wont feel exhausted as your energy wouldnt be spent on changing him, but rather spent in making you happy.

    Yes it feels sad when you see every family goes out but not yours! however every family has their own story not all families have similar issues. So always look at the bright side.

    How about might be book a trip to very neary by city like in 100miles or so and you say lets take a bus or a train and travel ...just fun trip...and take only 1 bag so that its not too much load to carry...we can figure out ways..however at the same time you shouldnt feel disappointed the moment it fails. Might be he will crack one day :) so keep yourself busy which would help you in looking at your issue with a diff. perspective and come up with ideas everytime. might be if your son asks his dad lets go..he might!!! so take one step at a time. No pushing and no stressing. Chill dear! you sure would find a way to fix this!
     
  9. nmtkar123

    nmtkar123 Senior IL'ite

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    thanks Sri i hav given up now no energy anymore its turned into anger resentment and sadness let him be and i will start doing my things and find friends on the way any moms in ny get in touch
     
  10. ushkrish

    ushkrish New IL'ite

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    hi
    some men feel that having female tagging along (even if it is their wife ) is too much of a responsibility on them. so they try avoid taking them with them. it is just that they cannot handle that. they will often give flimsy reason for not going out with their wives. it is a feeling they have developed in their childhood so it becomes difficult even for them to overcome. any way try going out with your friends which might be much more fun filled just as komala and sri said.
     

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