is it poosible to not to talk with inlaws while living in joint family??????

milaani · Oct 17, 2015

hi ladies
iam here want to know that is it possible to not to talk much with inlaw family while living in joint family.Beacuse this is the situation iam facing.As i know they are very demanding,controlling,try to fight when got chance(they fight with me specially when dh is not there).In front of dh they become good.but at his back they try to criticise me and fight with me.Iam really surprised that someone can be two faced upto this level and cunning as well.How somebody can believe me how MIL and FIL behave with me when they become totally sweet ahead of others.My sis inlaw is married.somehow my MIL fight with me many times that i dont want her daughter to come here.as in reality this is not true.Ahead of me she always prefer her daughter over me in any matter.MIL misinterpret me even for small issues like even i shut the room door for privacy sake she misinterpret while her fight that i shut the door due to her daughter.i dont want her to come....bla..bla...my parent inlaw are supporting my sis inlaw in her studying even she is married and have one baby.my PIL always praise sis inlaw ahead of me..even i know she dont know even cooking properly...she dont help in household shores when she come.she is married in abroad and come every year for 3,4 months....MIL and sis inlaw are carbon copy of each other.sometimes i surprised that if they show real face with me when iam alone how they can be sweet ahead of everybody......so tell me ladies how somebody have respect for such kind of people???? Even when u know these are cunning to the depth.Is it possible to not to talk much with them??

pinky2cute · Oct 17, 2015

Two things-

1) Never expect MIL to treat you same as her your SIL! - she never will!

2) next time they misbehave with you when DH is not around, either record the video or audio n show it to your DH. Or if that's not possible, try avoiding any communication with PIL in the absence of DH.

Ragini25 · Oct 17, 2015

^ Advice to video / audio record is dangerous and can backfire.
Read http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/278343-how-to-react-or-act.html

mcutiepie · Oct 17, 2015

Yes dear, you can limit your conversations with them...

Most of MILs are like that only.. in my case too...despite of her back bitting and feeding my hubby, she wanted me to speak with her all the time.. sit in her room whenever I am home.. I could have done that if she was not using my words spoken casually for the next fight

knowing her nature.. I dont do this and initially she complaint many times directly/indirectly.. but slowly she learnt that i will be like that.. and will not gossip so much with her...

Similarly you can limit... though this limit is very tricky... you can not completly stop talking to them or not asking basic know how or basic level of respect.. for example: wishing them in morning or whenever you come home.. asking for food or other things.. taking care of their day today things... These all cannot be stopped.. Only you can control is extra activities.. gossiping..

milaani · Oct 17, 2015

Thank u soo much ladies for your valuable suggestions...
Dear @mcutiepie......yes i dont gossips with MIL.I talk to her just to the point.I have privacy problem too.i dont have privacy to talk with dh on any specific matter.whenever i talk to dh on any important stuff then MIL immidiately come to my room.She always keep eyes on me.PIL keep wondering arround my room.this is very frustating....

milaani · Oct 17, 2015

Thank u soo much ladies for your valuable suggestions...
Dear @mcutiepie......yes i dont gossips with MIL.I talk to her just to the point.I have privacy problem too.i dont have privacy to talk with dh on any specific matter.whenever i talk to dh on any important stuff then MIL immidiately come to my room.She always keep eyes on me.PIL keep wondering arround my room.this is very frustating....

yellowmango · Oct 17, 2015

OP...you do the same. Keep talks to bare minimum when husband is not around and talk to them respectfully when he is around.

Don't expect mil to treat you like a daughter. Very few people are that lucky.

Put a curtain on your bedroom door .

milaani · Oct 18, 2015

Thank u soo much for reply ladies..
yes @yellomango....i already tried this...i talked her openly when dh is not arround...but she used my words for next fight and misinterpret whatever i say....sometimes she tond me ahead of dh also....she told to my mother also that your daughter say this to me....o my god...from where she comes....thats why i dont talk her much..