Is It Ok To Leave A 7 Year Old With Grandparents

Are your parents in good health and energetic enough to take care of young kids?

 

I responded to your other thread but responding here too.
Your kids are in prime age where they need mom's care and guidance.
In my opinion I would be more worried about the girl child than the 7 year old.
Do you know if your parents will be able to provide good care ?

 

Hi, didn't know whether zi should respond...but incidentally I happened to read the news which I have shared here,,,
'Madhu Chopra introspects
During a conversation, Madhu recalled her decision to send her daughter Priyanka to boarding school when she was seven. She said, “I don’t know, was I a mean mother? I still regret it. I still cry over it. It was very hard for me, too...But the thing was, every Saturday, I would leave my work and take a train and come to visit her every Saturday. That was becoming disruptive for her because she was not able to adjust to her boarding school. Saturday, she would wait for me to arrive, and then on Sunday, I would stay with her. And all week, the teacher told me, ‘Stop coming. You can’t come’”.

Reflecting, Madhu shared that her decision is filled with both regret and pride. She said, “So that is one regretful decision, but Priyanka turned out alright. She landed on her feet.""
I really feel that this is something you should consider seriously, not because of the celebrity news, but your decision now should not haunt you later for life. G.parents have gone through their own and must be tired mentally as well asphysically, not oriented enough to attend to the mental needs/ growth of the present gen of kids . This is just my opinion being a gran having taken care of g.kids part time.

 

it is very open statement. if i take as is. you are just leaving kids with parents and expecting them to be a parent. then it is not going to be a easy. like other mentioned

did you consider your parents health. also how much are they interested in their health. some parents are active so it is bit easier. do your parents have any desires travel plans. family functions.

what other help you have arranged. house keeper to cleanup stuff . cook and clean up. tuition if need for kids . how easy is the commute to doctor. is your spouse helpful or is he remote and away from home or he is no good. where is your spouse living. how is the relationship of him with your parents.

 

It’s unfair that you’re being forced into making such a difficult choice.

Many suggestions, directly or indirectly, push you toward setting aside your career aspirations to focus solely on your role as a mother. Even though you haven’t made a decision yet, the guilt is already weighing on you.

If you choose to stay back, there’s a chance you may regret missing out on a significant opportunity in life.

Now, ask yourself—would your spouse, children, or extended family feel guilty for not providing the support you need to pursue your dream career? If the answer is yes, then it’s worth acknowledging their limitations and accepting the situation as it is for now.

Opportunities will come your way again. In the meantime, consider finding something that aligns better with your current circumstances and is manageable for both you and your loved ones.

However, if you chose to chase your dream this time, then be prepared to face this.

Either way, the coming year(s) will be stressful for you, but trust me—you will be okay!

I was in a similar situation about a decade ago. My circumstances were even more challenging: my kids were just 2.5 years old and 4 months old when I had to leave them in my mother’s care. At that point, I had two options:

1. Move forward, carry the guilt, but work toward creating a better future for all of us when the right opportunity came.
2. Stay back and let destiny take its course.

I deliberately chose the first option because I had no one to support me—no one except God. As the primary breadwinner and someone who started life from scratch, I had to take that step. It was far from easy, but my mother, who was in her early 60s and physically fit, happily stepped in to play the role of a mother once again.

Even though I wasn’t physically present, I never stopped being a mother. I became a “remote mother,” staying fully involved in my children’s lives and managing household matters virtually, despite my demanding career. Those days were incredibly hectic—long commutes every weekend, countless hours on phone and video calls—but we managed.

I returned when my daughter turned six, thanks to the teleworking option that COVID-19 brought. Since then, life has been much smoother, and I’ve been fortunate to live with my family or take them with me wherever I go.

My husband has since taken on a more active role as a parent, and my career choices are now admired by him and others in my circle. I have landed in my dream career, and achieved so much since then. But it wasn’t always like this—those tough times were filled with tears, stress, and relentless hard work, as my old posts in this forum will tell you.

 

Dear @kaluputti

I don’t blame life for the choices we make or the ones society imposes on us.

Consider this: an educated man can pursue his dreams, excel in his career, and still be celebrated as the family’s Hero for what he provides. If his work takes him away from home, whether to another city or abroad, his sacrifices are praised—lonely nights and outside food are seen as savior. His children admire him, his nieces and nephews look up to him, and he becomes a role model for the younger generation.

In stark contrast, a homemaker wife who sacrifices her career for the family’s needs is initially appreciated when her kids are small. But as they grow, her efforts often go unnoticed—even by her own children. Over time, she’s viewed as dependent, lacking worldly experience, and only useful for housekeeping.
If it is her choice, then it is ok. She would know how to stay happy within her own world. But if she is forced to become one, or sacrifice her promotions, Isn’t that heart-breaking?

It’s essential to challenge these societal stigmas around women’s career choices. Raising children is the responsibility of both parents, not just the mother. Couples should openly discuss and prioritize their career goals together. Depending on their schedules, they can decide who takes on the primary caregiving role or how to share responsibilities. This shouldn’t be dictated by gender, especially as children grow older.

In our culture, where extended family relationships are close-knit, it’s okay to seek and offer help when needed. Mutual support can benefit everyone involved.

Yes, children are important—but so are your career and personal aspirations. It’s not just about your kids’ childhood; it’s also about your prime working years. You can’t start from scratch or aim for entry-level positions at 50.

Personally, I didn’t spend 24/7 with my kids when they were toddlers. I was home 3–4 days a week and ensured that time was meaningful. There were even stretches of 2–3 months when I was away, but I always made it a point to compensate when I returned.

Fast forward to today—my kids are teens, and we are finally together in one place. We’re enjoying quality time in a stable environment, and I’m proud of the decisions I made at the right moments. Those choices helped me build a better life for us all.

Strangely, the society that criticized my choices a decade back is now going gaga over my achievements, and especially the achievements of my kids.

 

Pls dont be mistaken. I am not for only 'her' sacrificing her chances for the sake of the children. It would be a lot more easy & ideal for her spouse to hold fort when she chooses to be away. But it seems to be not so. Suppose he had posted this query here, on behalf of his wife, I would have suggested that & would greatly welcome that. I mean either of the parents to care for the children with g.parents pitching in now and then.. there should not be an ego war. I loved it when my son did WFH for many years when my DIL worked outside and studied when the kids were young. Initially her parents and we took turns to assist them , but the major responsibility rested with them.

Good that everything worked for you... very happy about that. Here we need to put forth pros and cons before her so she can take an informed decision, which is solely her responsibility. Also no one can impose anything on us unless we allow that to happen.

In my life I had stood up to the society on many occasions where normally many would abide by the societal customs and practices. Because it was a choices I made consciously, ready to face the consequences. It is true that others will praise if things go the happy way or accuse when something goes wrong. That was why I was not swayed by the pressures of the family, society etc. but took decisions which I felt right at that time. Even now I live like that and very happy to see both my children now married with their own kids as young adults, all in college, having prioritized the kids while making tough life choices, and on their own. Can't say it was easy though.