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Is it OK to hide emails from wife?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by dimhere, Dec 20, 2012.

  1. dimhere

    dimhere Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all,
    I have been married, and have 2 kids..I have a good, caring husband and a normal married life. The only difference between our two families is that I am not that close to my side ( more formal ), but he is v. involved with everyone/everything..even upto 3rd cousin level.. and I also have learnt to listen to everyone's stories and nod. Now, he comes from a large family, with a large number of siblings. They all have formed a email grp among themselves, just their siblings..and share long emails about every single detail every day..he mails to it when he is in office, so I never knew abt it till today...
    He forgot to log out today, and I couldn't resist and went thru every one of those mails. Lots of stuff abt their married life, IL probs, etc.
    But also a few mails abt me, how I reacted, who said what to me....

    Nothing hurtful or complaining abt me, just hiding a lot of things.... for example, I chatted with one of them a few days bak, and she has immediately mailed bk to the grp repeating our conversation...just some general invitation. I remember clearly that day whn my DH came bak, I mentioned the chat to him. But he listened to me, acting like he doesnt know, when actaully he and the rest of the grp has known everything thru this grp mail.

    I now realise that all the "new" things I tell him abt his family, he already knows much before from these mails...only he doesn't tell me...in fact, he has written in one of his mails...."I have not told her abt these so I pretend"

    More personal stuff I told him abt my sis and her family, is also there in the grp mails to his siblings...

    Even tiny things like what I cooked that day..
    So basically his entire side know every single moment of my life..it seems...

    Now, do I confront him and confess I snooped on his mails ?? Or just leave it...Now how much should I tell him in the future abt my side, knowing he is ging to share every single thing ???
     
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  2. prettydevil

    prettydevil Platinum IL'ite

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    sharing certain things with whomever is okay... but all details like even what you cooked sounds weird....

    be cautious and alert...

    you definietly need to talk to your DH about this and let him know how uncomfortable you are...

    he is your husband... your life partner... it is your full right to share anything and everything with him.... but at the same time you need to make him understand that you are his wife and those are his family members... there needs to be a line drawn in the conversation...

    are they married too... if so... do they also share the same kind of insane talks with each other.... or just trying to make use of this husband's habbit and make fun of it behind his back??
     
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  3. Endlesshope

    Endlesshope Platinum IL'ite

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    Everyday here at IL I come across stuff that makes me go all:spin :bonk :bowdown
    Whatever happened to mango people, mango talks, mango thoughts, mango plans.

    OP- is there anyway you could add yourself to the group and post in .
     
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  4. helpmeangel

    helpmeangel Platinum IL'ite

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    hi dimhere,

    Creating a group among cousins/relatives is a normal thing, BUT discussing personal things without the knowledge of the spouse is not. Please let him know that you are aware of his group chats and his messages. Tell him that at least a part of your dialogues are bogus since he knows about all this beforehand. Ask him to limit his chats to only generic topics like sports,politics,religion etc and not about personal going ons' in the house. Be strict with him and ask him to concentrate on his office work and not to deviate from his goals. Family time and bonding is important, yes, but NOT to this extent. Else, like endlesshope suggested, ask him to add you to the group so things stay transparent. But all in all, the group chatting thing, is a real bad idea.
     
  5. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    I am all for Ram Lakhan type siblings...but there is something very unsettling about a spouse penning down every little detail of his married life in a group email without his wifes consent/knowledge.
    If I were you I would. Its impossible to be myself with my DH unless I clear the air.
     
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  6. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    IMO, you should confront him and ask him to mend his ways. its very disturbing to read that third parties get to know all details.
     
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  7. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    I would set up a bunch of e-mail accounts under different names - yahoo, gmail, hotmail whatever. Then I would send messages about husband's foibles to this fake group, with a real audience of one, namely me. Then one bright sunny morning, I would leave the laptop conveniently lying around, with the window open & wait for him to snoop & then 'confront' me. If he does not do this immediately, I would carry on with this until the husband cannot hold himself together any longer .....!

    Aaah, that would so appeal to my :evil::evil: sense of humor!!!!!!
    :rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl
     
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  8. rnair

    rnair Silver IL'ite

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    whoa.. i never knew siblings/extended family could get 'so sticky close' .. disturbing.
    i would confront in a very positive way, meaning not let emotions overrule while discussing ;) and also express that i do not like every single detail out in the open and would like privacy in 'married ' life.

    years before.. i did discuss similar things with my DH as mom-son was very close , and i would feel weird when she asked certain things.

    he did understand and made sure he didnt speak 'everything' and that made things lot easier as i could freely communicate without worry of being under a spy cam .. lol

    Do talk and sort things out.

    Take Care.
     
  9. radhika8906

    radhika8906 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,,

    If he would have repeated the conversation to his parents, its acceptable since we know stories of Mother Son bonding..Blah Blah..But this is too much..

    If i were you.. I would ask him straight on his face and let him answer. If really he has some kind of explanation for it.. Lets hear it..

    Hope u have the best of ur life! Take care.
     
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  10. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    I would be upset if I stumble across something like this.
     
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