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Is It Must To Serve Husbands Family To Prove My Love?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Reesha, Jun 10, 2020.

  1. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    HI Ladies,

    When we marry a guy, is it must to do serve or do seva for his family as a wife? so that she is loving him, otherwise not...because people in india thinking that, daughter in law means need to take over all duties of them at home even though she is smaller then all of that family. But she dont deserve priority when coming to respect in occasions and not deserve to have her sanity/own thoughts.

    My husband is guy who pushing me to live along with his parents from past 10 yrs and for next future years. coming to get respect and decision making priority, their parents emotions are key part but not me. when coming to duty of houses i am the responsibility.

    Now i am rejecting to stay with them, and he is thinking that i dont have love on him and i dont have any humanity now even after i lost my freedom to live my life as per my wish. whats the **** it is...

    i wrote this mail to him and sharing to u as well. so you people can understand my problems.Sorry i am lazy to type again. but i dont have any answer from him and he is stubborn on his decision. Finally i am loosing LOVE on him.

    Mail:
    "
    I am opening up my problems via mail because you can not balance your emotions while trying to tell directly.

    1. Miads: all 9 maids worked under me complained about your mother sarcastic talks and over work assigning. i don't want to take burden cum stress like her in life by managing house hold works, career and kids on my shoulders. i too want to work like u on laptop and want to have relaxing time after working hours. i want to be live my happy life as per my feelings. I also faced problem that when i want to use my maid for something, but maid is taken over by your mother most of times for different works. I don't want to adjust in this case any more specially in case of our Live In maid, because its not easy to get live in maid. live in maid should be my personal maid and i dont want to any one else (except you) order her with out seeing her bandwidth and her mood. She will be occupied by my works, my kids works. no more orders from your parents and no sarcastic communication expecting. maids salary is my responsibility. she shouldn't be common maid for most of instances.
    2. Kids food & my cooking plans: Your Mother is continuously trying to apply her thoughts by suggesting while i am in kitchen. if i do not obey her orders she is doing emotional blackmailing game(happens several time in your absence) . i don't want her to interpret my schedule in case of my kids food and cooking activities.

    3. Personal space : I don't like to get interrupted when i am taking rest, doing breast feeding, exercising, relaxing with unnecessary callings/disturbances/entering into room. Its not applied for you but for every one else even nihanth. I like balcony hear and i want it to be my space from 6-7.30AM and evenings around 7-9PM. So please understand my privacy needs.

    4. My things at home and arrangements: Some times not intentionally but accidently they are altering my things at home with out asking me. Like sofa covers stitching, removing baby height markings, applying ujala to kids wear then complaining on maids, sitting positions of sofa, decorations so on..

    I am going to lose freedom to wear shorts and sexy weare, freedom to dance with kids in hall, freedom to play along with kids in water pool, freedom to do exercise at balcony, freedom to talk with my friends and mom with loud free voice, freedom to laugh loudly, freedom to teach current society handlings to kids, freedom to cook light food, freedom to sit with you and holding hands on sofa , freedom to do romance with my life partner anywhere which will cause to emotional distance forever, freedom to express /argue my feelings finally my sanity which cause to more thyroid levels. Finally i have to live like 60 yr old serious life even at age of 30s by controlling my emotions.

    i can understand your feelings and situation as a son. but i want you to know that you are keeping me in situation where i need to sacrifice my sanity because of those for next 20 yrs which i lost for past 10 yrs. i too did lot of hard work like u from child hood to reach my dream life. but that got wasted and only useful for earning not for enjoying because of freedom levels.

    more IMPORTANT, once after your parents reaching hear, i don't want to stop maids due their corona fears. inform them initially. i may take extra precautions or change of maids, but not stop. Dont stress out me in this case.
    "
     
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  2. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Sorry OP,
    I dont think this letter serve any purpose. Also he can use it against you. He can interpret it as an order than your effort to convey your emotions. If you dont want to live with his parents, that fine. You should have framed it well like he can live with his parents as much as he wants , but you need a separate house for you and kids. Or I love you so much and wish you live with me and kids and visit your parents often. Be careful. Are you financially independent?

    Read this.
    https://www.latestlaws.com/latest-n...eparate-him-from-his-aged-parents-read-order/
     
    sarvantaryamini and Sreevidyaa like this.
  3. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    How supreme court crucially did this judgement with out considering wife's issues with inlaws?
     
  4. ImHuman

    ImHuman Bronze IL'ite

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    I think it is about presenting the case and who was hearing the case. The man in this case might have wanted to have divorce and established that his wife stopped from caring for his parents. It might have made his way very convenient. Wherever this judgement has been posted i saw ladies comments such as "Nutcases run this judicial system" "Now there will be more divorces" "What about girls parents.." " This sends us 50 years back in establishing equality" etc. There were some campaigns to make a law that a girl also should be able to file divorce if she is stopped from caring her parents . Anyways its about the man and woman's choice to live together or not. Dont think about all these supreme court judgement s and all. I did and i got scared.. How can anyone be so dumb etc.. again it is about presenting the case and getting a favorable judgement. Whole life goes in these cases.. Dont think about this and that, that and this.. You are already working very hard managing kids,office work, house. Go your way . Your husband and in laws will understand eventually. Again you might be having your own issues with your in laws.. But consider if your's and your kid's lives can become fuller and richer in grand parents presence and their love. Try to see positives living with them if possible ignoring,adjusting for small things. If it works out , its fine If not you have your life..
     
  5. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    Why do you share the content here ? All the content is public data . Remove the email and just synopsis of the issue .
     
  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    It's weird. It depends on how one presents the case. Its discussed here too.
    Supreme Court Says - Hindu Son Can Divorce Wife If She Tries To Separate Him From Aged Parents

    You have every right to decide what is best for you and your kids. But if you want this marriage to be happy, be careful on the way you handle the situation. Your husband should feel you really love and care him and accept his love for parents, but at the same time you need your own freedom too. You can tell him, you want your kids to enjoy the love of grand parents too. But a little distance will save the relationship. But if you live with them, it will be spoiled and it can affect your relationship with him too. His parents also deserves their own space. So explore living in two separate houses or nearby houses or floors as options. You can use your job as an excuse. If you dont want to live with them convey in a better way.

    Most men dont have patience to read a long letter and they can find it insulting. Your aim is to stay away from pils, but not at the expense of your relationship with husband. May be talking directly to him in calm , composed and assertive way helps. But dont bring all these maids and related issues. Blaming his parents or fighting with your dh wont help, I guess.
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2020
  7. Caughtinbetween

    Caughtinbetween Finest Post Winner

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    yes @Reesha please be mindful of this . if i am not mistaken i also read about someones name in the email too. please be careful of this . i know we write everything at that moment of anxiety but try to be careful using real names and copy pasting emails content here.
     
  8. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    OP, If your had already sent this email to your husband, he is going to show this to your parents or to his parents and may show you as a worst person in the world becoz he is a complete mama's boy as per your prev posts. If you are just thinking to put across your thoughts to your husband this way, My advice is better to talk to your in-laws directly what you think.
     
  9. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    I am not afraid to stand on my words strongly. Because what i mentioned are truth and reliable problems i had from last 10 yr. If Deserving freedom is SIN in their view, i dont want that type of relationship. because with out freedom in life, what else can make us happy? If he want to be Momas boy by showing things infront of all family members, let him. i will say i dont want husband who is careless of my feelings. i am ready to get get rid of him from life because he is not showing intrest to spend with me even in absence of his parents and even though we have free time cum privacy. i am ready to accept big change. I can not bear love less, freedom less life.
     
  10. harithab

    harithab Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Reesha,

    It seems lack of freedom to do everything you want is the main issue ?
    I can understand the plays by ur in laws and u have been tortured mentally for a while.
    The email content made me felt like more of some stern orders and decisions to ur husband rather than discussing them openly.
    Marriage is always and will always be an adjustment not only with ur partner but also with ur in laws to an extent.

    Take a break, discuss everything openly with ur husband, pour out ur feelings and concerns in a light way so that he dont feel like u r blasting...
    Its so easy to put a stop for a relationship, but u need to think not only of today or next few years, think about ur kids, their growth, future etc ...:innocent:

    Talk to urself, ur mind or do seek help from counselors.
    Its only U who have to bear the outcomes , good or bad or both..
    Think wisely in a calm environment..
    Stay strong and positive ... :blush:
     

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