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Is it genuine complaint or Whining???

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sridivya, Jan 28, 2010.

  1. sridivya

    sridivya New IL'ite

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    Hi all:
    I will give you the facts and you tell me.

    My friend is in mid 30s, married with kids. Her husband is very economical and money saving kind of guy. He has bought a house, has bought furniture and other stuff. He works and she stays home. He takes his kids out on weekends occasionally to movies , parks and chuckecheese. He buys any electronic games for his kids if they ask. Kids asked for a pet and he got it for them. She goes out shopping on her own and gets things she likes.

    She complains a lot about her husband and is not happy. She says,

    Her husband asks her to explain all her spendings. If he find it more than the budget he will lecture on finances.

    he gives the kids a big lecture if their grades slip even a little, from all A's TO even one B and cuts off their TV time till they show all A's again.

    is worried if house gets even a little messy and shouts at them to clean it up. He always lectures kids how proactive they need to be.

    She said he goes on and on for more than an hour on it and that is why she calls it lecturing.

    He sits and talks with kids aged 13, 9 how to make money and save money and in that way she fears he will makes them also a miser like him, he asks her to make snacks at home and not buy from stores, he takes them out to eat only for kids birthdays and their wedding day. He asks her not to accept all the birthday invitations since then they have to spend on gifts for all. He tells her to accept only very close ones.
    Whenever she buys anything for herself he asks her "Do you really need that?"

    Can you tell if this is genuine complaint or general whining as usual , by some??
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2010
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  2. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    to be honest i well its normal
    in todays world with tough economic situation everyone is realising importance of money and try as much as they can
    he is taking kids out occasionally which is good
    he allows her to cook snakcs at home which is healthy and good
    whats worng in father teaching teenager about how to use money?
    my dad did when i was teen may be 12-13
    i guess if we look at things under microscope everything looks big
     
  3. SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Srividya,
    After reading about your friend's husband, he became my model to follow.
    I want to become like him..
    Whatever he is doing is correct and perfect. Its your friend who needs to understand in a practical way.

    One principle that my dad teach me was...
    What ever I spend, he used to give me, but I must tell the reason for my expenditure.
    If I cant tell once, I didnt get the guts to ask next time.
    But He never said NO to whatever I ask genuinely.
    The same principle that I am following as of today even for myself.

    Your friend's husband is a good common head of the household.
    I liked the idea of teaching children about the future care of money, courage, self dependency etc.
     
  4. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    I feel if you can afford it, you can enjoy a little... after all whats life if you dont spend a little money on yourself. Always saving for the future and not enjoying the present life is also not very healthy attitude.

    If they save xxx amount, they can spend yyy amount on amusement. We dont know what tomorrow has in store for us. We might save for the future and suddenly a big earth quake can hit us like it happened in Haiti and we will have no house, no money, no property and have to start life from scratch. At that time we should not repent that we didnt enjoy life ...
     
  5. tuliplady

    tuliplady Gold IL'ite

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    There are 2 sides to a coin:
    Let me tell you my opinion about the positives

    1) The man is inculcating good values in his children. Lettng kids know the value of money and showing them the importance of saving at an early age is GOOD:thumbsupMy mother started me on a recurring deposit when i was in 5th grade. In 10th grade I made 2000 Rs with a mere investment of 25 rupess each month. That was important in shaping my vision about money and I can never thank my mom enough for that.

    2) I myself avoid getting snacks from outside..which are unhealthy. So its a good thing the man is advocating that. But again, that is because i like cooking. if she does not like it, then i dont know hoe the husband expect it out of her.

    3) The lady is a homemaker, the least she could do is to keep her house clean and tidy. If she is messy her kids will never learn to be neat and tidy either.

    CONS:

    1. Now as a woman, I wouldnt always 'need'something, but there are somethings which you just 'want'.a woman should have that much descretion to indulge. I would just want to buy a cute scarf I see at a mall, I dont need one but having that would make me happy. The husband should cut her some slack
    2)similarly, social obligations are sometimes important. We cannot always turn down birthday invitations. especially, the lady is usually the one who is answerable to the society. It maybe embarassing for her. The guy needs to understand that
    3) lecturing someone all the time is especially the killer. I wouldnt like it.
    4) Finances should always be transparent between husband and wife. As soon as we shop for something,we enter into out excel sheet for budget purposes. ALL my friends do it. we dont question each other on the expense but for record keeping. Sometimes if we see that we have spent x$ more on restaurant food then we both decide to cut corners somewhere. Its okay to spend money but I dont generally prefer extravagance!

    The guy needs to tone down a little bit and the lady needs to start getting serious in life.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2010
  6. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    srividya,

    I think she might be little suffocating in the marriage.

    There are may be good things with the husband but especially here the wife in receiving end. Men(some) feel they dominant characters in the family and always try to give some lectures here and then that will make wife suffocated.

    Instead of putting more effort for her husband wishes, the wife would react negative if there are more lectures in the house.

    My husband also some kind of similar nature. Whenever he opens up the mouth then I will quickly move away from the scene.

    Teaching about money is a good thing .I would advise your friend to look for some work that way her mind is occupied with some things and also husband also would reduce his lectures.

    Some people over due things thats when triggers the wife unhappiness.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2010
  7. deepshikha

    deepshikha Senior IL'ite

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    You definitely cannot call it whining. She is complaining because she feels suffocated of his miserliness. telling a wife "do you really need it?" when she picks up something for herself is like telling her "I don't trust that you are a mature adult capable of taking financial decisions". Does she pick up a BMW every time she shops for herself ?? It is a grave insult and insinuates that the wife is just wasting money. A decent husband would never say such a thing unless the demand is unrealistic. He has soured his relationship with his wife to a large extent by saying such things to her and I think this is the basic issue between them

    Again teaching a 9 year old how to make money???? It is good that he wants his kids to grow up to be responsible, but he is going overboard in this case. What is he trying to prove, that money is all that matters in life?

    She should talk to him openly and ask him whether he is going through any kind of serious financial issues? She should talk it out to him that his attitude towards her relating to money suffocates her and she would like to take up a job so that she can support her own expenses. I think talking will help her.

    Again, if a wife says something against her husband it is never whining, there is definitely some issue that needs to be resolved. What is all the money worth if you cannot have respect for each other. Like one poster said, worrying too much about money is no good. None of us know what the future holds. We are here today, might not be there tomorrow.
     
  8. ramyav_cse

    ramyav_cse Gold IL'ite

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    I felt like I was reading about my own husband...he also knows his limits and makes sure he buys stuff that are very essential....intially I found it a little difficult but now I have also become like him...I know he is doing the right thing for us and sometimes even admire this quality of his...itz alwayz good for the family and am sure your friend will understand this in due course...
     
  9. arthidiva

    arthidiva Silver IL'ite

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    Sridivya, From what you said it doesnt look like whining.. it is genuine complaint.. and from her point of view, she is tired of listening to her man's lecturing all the time. Yes, like other said, her husband is right in many ways but being there playing the role of that man's husband, any women will get tired of constant preaching. Yes! even though he is completely right.

    She is complaining and all she needs is a listening ear! If you have the energy and time, pls give ears so she would vent it out a bit :)

    If you are tired of her complaint, plainly change the topic and cheer her up.
     
  10. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Genuine complain is about 1 hr lecture .. rest I find as whinning.
    probably this fellow shud cut on his lecturing part.. thats really killing.

    Its his hard earned money & he can decide how it shud be spent.
    Generally I've seen that homemakers get a pocket money to spend on themselves.. if not then I think she shud get it fixed... that'll give her an incentive of maintaing house well & getting perks into her pocket money.

    Am sure the day I leave my job I'll get the same on to me.. am working despite odds just not to hear all this.
     

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