Is it common to Feel Lonely in a Foreign country?

Blue,
Many of our friends here have had the same experience with Indians they met in some foreign land.Don't know how they could be so .........(don't know what to call them)! when we are in India,may be that time we may think about North-Indian,South-Indian etc;etc but when we are abroad who ever Indian we saw somewhere we feel a connectivity that we belong to the same country.
whenever i start feeling extremely low,i keep reminding myself that i am not the only one who is away from her loving family,there are others too.so when they are managing it,so should i.Though it is not as easy to handle as it is to write.

 

It is simple.

Most of the cases people go to foreign countries for money.

Control the wish list. Try to be in our own country. That will solve many problems including loneliness

 

Hello,

Well sometimes circumstances will make you go to foreign countries...my DH is extremely Intelligent person. Started his company at the age of 20. For his brains there was no encouragement or platform in India. I couldn't see him suffer. I decided to send him abroad to do his masters. I did this only to see happiness on his face, which I see it now every single day.

This was my wish list ) If I have to be lonely for this, I am totally okay with this )

Blue

 

Hi preeti..
thought I should put in my 2 bits...
when you say friend-less in another country.. well I was Friend - less in another city in India.. when we shifted from Mumbai to Bangalore.. I could never connect.. then I realised the problem is that I wasn't letting go of my reservations.. realised that my connection with my childhood friends and college friend is different and I will never get that again.. because I'll never be in that part of my life.. circumstances.. care free world again.. then I opened my mind to the so- called like minded acquaintances.. and some of them welcomed me into their already filled up lives with open arms.. so moral is .. Don't look for the same connection as your past and you will discover the wonders of the future...
take up Mindi's offer and go and visit her when she is back from Bangalore.. I know we are too old for you but you never know when the mind connects.. BTW.. I'm meeting her and Satchi tomorrow.. they are wonderful.. fun loving people..
hope this helps..
K

 

This is simply to cover up our basic wish.

Carrer,education are available in India very much. By the way why one wants to take a degree in US. Definitely not for any social upliftment. Most of the cases it is for money except for a few

The below one is an interesting conversation


A typical conversation with a visiting NRI…..

Self: Hi! Home for a holiday? Are you going back…..or…?

NRI: Yes…yes…I am going back as soon as possible.

Self: But…your parents are here. There are also many new malls now where you can get everything you want. It’s even cheaper than in the US, Europe or Canada or Australia.

NRI: Yes…..things are real cheap here in India….products are very good……the malls are also very good…..restaurants are excellent. But….the roads and the traffic are so terrible….I can’t wait to get back.

Self: Yes…I agree….but….that’s only one relatively small factor….surely you can adjust and put up with that. The situation would improve once the Metro is operational.

NRI: No…No. Why should I put up with the traffic and the crowds and the garbage? Why should I adjust? It’s impossible.

Self: OK….lets change the subject. How are your parents? I heard your mother had some health problem. Is she ok now?

NRI: Oh… yeah…she’s ok! Doctors have given her some medicines. Dad is there to take care of her.

Self: But he is old ……how will he manage? Besides, both will be missing all of you so much. Loneliness is terrible. That itself can lead to so many diseases.

NRI: He’ll manage. He has to adjust, I guess.

Self: OK…..how is life in America? What do you eat at home?. The usual Idlis, Dosas Upma etc. that you like so much? Indian food, particularly South Indian food is considered the healthiest! It contains all essential nutrients in a very balanced way.

NRI: Well…no…not really. We normally eat cereals for breakfast….straight from boxes. I carry sandwiches for lunch or eat some salad at the cafeteria (everything is so expensive). For dinner we take out some food stored in the freezer and heat it in the microwave….and that’s it. Its difficult to cook every day, you know….so we cook once a week and store it in the freezer.

Self: But that’s not healthy. Also, eating packaged & processed food every day could lead to many diseases. We read about this every day.

NRI: Oh…. no problem. We adjust. We sometimes eat meat to make up for the proteins.

Self: But you are traditionally a vegetarian, I thought. Vegetarianism is considered a better option for general health, animal rights and for spiritual reasons….. and many westerners are now becoming vegetarians. So…why have you switched to non-veg?

NRI: Well…its no big deal really. One has to adjust.

Self: It must be cold where you live…..you have lived all your life in warm South India.

NRI: Yes…its terribly cold out there with months of snow….but we have central heating. We don’t go out much….but its...ok. We learn to adjust.

Self: How is your wife? Does she also work? What about the children?

NRI: Of course…! She has to work! We can’t manage with one person working. We have mortgages to pay. We both leave our home at 8 am and are back at 6 pm. We have only one child who comes from school and stays alone till we come home. He watches TV and eats something from the freezer. Some of our friends are even opting not to have any children….so that they could save all the trouble. God!…..Children are such a responsibility!

Self: Yes…that they certainly are.

NRI: Children are also very expensive. Their clothes, food, eating out, vacations….buying new stuff every few months just to keep up with their peers in school….its terrible!

Self: So how do you manage? What about the culture? The sexual freedom, pornography, homosexuality and so on? Aren’t you worried about these adverse influences on your children?

NRI: No one bothers about all that. Its part of life. If my son adopts that lifestyle…that’s ok with me. We need to adjust and get on with life.

Self: I understand that due to the recession and its aftermath there is a subtle antagonism towards foreigners and immigrants. Is that true?

NRI: Well….yeah…sometimes you do sense a mild discrimination and bigotry. Recently in fact, someone shouted out an abuse at my wife when she was out shopping. Someone at school called out ‘Paki go home’ to my son. But these things are rare…. because…. by and large, we keep to ourselves. We rarely interact with the whites or the other immigrants. Even they prefer to keep to themselves. We have our own small Indian groups with whom we socialize. So…such racist incidents are kept to the minimum. We adjust and learn to manage.

Self : What about entertainment? Do you get Indian TV channels and programs? Do you eat out often?

NRI: Indian channels are usually pay channels and very expensive. So…we don’t have them. We manage with the local english programs. We do see Indian movies sometimes. They are expensive and you need to drive for an hour to get to the cinema hall. So….we don’t do it very often. Eating out is very expensive. Indian food is even more expensive.

Self: Where do you live in the US and do you own a house?

NRI: We live in a locality with lot of Hispanics, Koreans and Chinese. We have bought a house on mortgage recently. Its not very big actually. Just a two bedroom twin home of about 800 sq ft. Unfortunately prices have dropped recently. But we like it.

Self: But you have a fairly big home in India……...

NRI: Yes……but…..what have I got in India? Nothing!

Self: What do you do if one of you is ill? Do any neighbors help?

NRI: Actually….one of my neighbors is a Korean man who lives with his girlfriend. On the other side are two….er…..homosexual men. We have to help ourselves most of the time. Our Indian friends live some distance away…..and no one will help if we are ill. Everyone is so busy with their own work.

Self: What sort of work do you do in the US? Is it some highly specialized cutting edge work……. for which you cannot get a job in India?

NRI: Actually…..I am a software engineer. I had a good job till recently, but I got laid off and had a terrible three months. I have recently been called for an interview for a temporary contract position. I may get it. Things are looking good…yeah…..I am ok!

Self: But you would be able to get a very good…highly paying job in India. India’s booming with a very high rate of growth!

NRI: Yes…I know. I’ll probably get a much better salary than what I get in the US…. and maybe I’ll be able to save much more too…. but…it’s so difficult to adjust to the traffic and the crowds in India…you know. Its impossible to come back.

Self: OK then….. goodbye and good luck!

(I think to myself as I say goodbye)……Yeah.. right! You can adjust to packaged food and poor health, small dark wooden home, heavy mortgages, terrible weather conditions, lack of family, lonely parents, bad cultural environment, racial abuse, loss of dignity & self respect, job insecurity and even your basic principles……but you can’t adjust to simple traffic conditions in India! How incongruous can you get!

 

Ushae,

You seems to have very narrow mind and bring only dark side of abroad. Don't you heard of living together arrangement or same sex couple or ill-legal affairs in your city? May be a year ago, 'Junior Vikatan' put a report on every city and listed illegal events that happening XXX city, near old bus stand area?

Haven't seen any recent Satyameva Jayate show that pictures the awareness that required for our society?

Last 10 years, Indian IT sector is booming. What about in 80's, most graduates had only opportunity in Govt. and very few private jobs. That's the time, initial group of Engineers started to look for opportunities, else where.

Because of the folks who initially ventured out in late 70's to US, eventually gave us the recognition for smartness in our profession of what we do. You can't deny that. In today's global growth, India may have brought more opportunities in IT field, but the initial path of trust was gained/laid by those bright/brave engineers who ventured out to prove themselves in abroad.

Think of the economical growth that brought to the rural folks (including Salem, Nammakal, Sankagiri, Erode) because of that 1st person had a chance to study in abroad. How it helped many families/their relatives due to that one Engineer living in abroad and the awareness of education that brought to the 'farming community' in your neighbourhood place.

Usahe, I am sorry to say this, but you have go long way to grow up.

 

Freddycat,Great reply!

Ushae
I didn't want to reply,but couldn't stop myself.I don't want to get into a debate here,but just want to draw your attention to what Preetiitech has stated in the OP-

"I am just wondering if there Is anyone out who can conncet with what I am telling here..

I hope I can retrospect with all your views.. Can you help me find 'what is missing'"

She just wants to know if she's the only one who feels this way. If others do connect,do they have any suggestions or personal experiences to share ,to just get out of this mode? As far as I can see,nothing in your posts reflects any of that. You seem to on a different agenda altogether.Please let stick to the topic!

Preetii, I empathize with you ,and can relate to it as well.Chill.Your post is not silly at all!