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Is it co-incidence or something fishy? Please clarify !!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Jul 6, 2015.

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  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    In my husband's case - he does not stay at our house during week days, and some times he goes on business trips during weekends. Therefore, he rarely lights oil lamp in the pooja space.
    We do not have other proper pooja space in the house, which is covered, and separated from the so called impurity (non -veg); thus he placed them inside one almyrah in the bed room which is sadly in the west direction (immovable almyrah).

    All is done based on convenience. Now why on earth people say it is wrong, and it should have been done otherwise. And for the wrongs, i,e entering bedroom during periods and after eating meat, with no head bath after IC etc..etc... as the pooja space is there.

    It is not me who came up with such a thought, but some of you (here and outside) who knows the religion better than me.

    If you suggest me to clean, then I can clean.... But then, you suggest me not to clean the idols during certain days when I eat meat, I don't take head bath and I bleed. That will make me never clean that area.

    If you suggest me to allow a pooja space at anywhere at our house as my H follows it, I would do that. But then, you blame me for entering there with impurity which I am yet to understand.

    You blame me for what is not being done to his faith. Why?

    You = whoever comment about the rituals and positive/negative vibes here/outside.
     
  2. katochsimi

    katochsimi Gold IL'ite

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    so what did u decided finally
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2015
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  3. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    SGBV - I went through the last 5 pages !

    Why are we explaining stuff to someone who doesn't believe in these things.

    SGBV - All your confusions come from your MIL - she said - install a pooja room, you did.
    You are facing some problems - who doesnt !! (You can face them, you're fine)

    The issue here seems to be that your MIL - is not happy with the location/care of the pooja room - is blaming your problems on the "sanctity" and "maintenance" of the pooja room and making YOU responsible for them !

    Hence your post!
    To answer your Question in the original post - Yes - they are just coincidences - nothing fishy (except for the smell of rotten bananas in a closed cupboard ;-))

    I would suggest - dont bother about your Hindu friends remarks and become full of "acharam" - there will be no end to all the advices (I'm not against the pooja room or pooja, just that a non-believer need not get worked up on all this - you dont have a background - whose rules will YOU follow - where will this end??)

    So push it back to your DH - His mom wanted the room, you arranged some possible space, he is supposed to do the maintenance - he is not keeping his part of the bargain, His mother is relating the problems you're facing with the pooja room - so let him handle it - you stop worrying, tell your MIL to talk to her son whenever the topic comes up!

    Let DH deal with his mother's accusations and fears. Let him discuss with the poojari and check directions, he can arrange for alternative space - whether in his cupboard or his mom's house or his office room or anywhere else he decides.

    You just create the boundaries with what is acceptable and what is not!

    He can do the maintenance according to his mother's rules (or ask MIL to come and clean his pooja room when he is not at home)

    In the meantime, let him keep dry nuts instead of fruits as prasadam and finish them the same day/ dont light diyas/ light an agarbatti/karpooram - less cleanup, no oil spills)
     
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  4. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    SGBV , stop commenting on religious practices and it ritual as weird .


    You already know the rules , don't enter puja area during period and after eating non veg and maintain it properly .you have seen people here modifying those rules to suit thier convenience and they have told you nothing bad happened to them . Placement of pooja place , they told you most have pooja places in kitchen and peopl cook non veg on it .

    Differet opinion shows that religion is flexible enough and varies per community. As per cleaning , your husband can clean the gods place , take out all the prasadam and rest of the stuff before he goes out to his weekly place , then there is no dilemma for you. As per lighting the diya , have an electric fancy deepam installed which can be switched on when he goes out .

    If you are looking for unanimous opinion here , you are not going to get it . Either go by the responses and see what majority says and take it. Or If you gut says it is not good to have idols in house in an less than desirable environment , talk to your husband and take neccesary steps to shift it out . Ask your husband to take pooja place to the place where he spends most of the time .

    from all your posts it is eveident that you are not happy with pooja place in your house in voilation of your initial agreement . Fair enough . For that you need to speak to your husband .
     
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  5. Keet

    Keet Silver IL'ite

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    I second that. Pls don't comment on religious practices and its rituals as weird.

     
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  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    @Hrastro

    I am so glad to read at least one member of this community can read what I exactly wanted to say without any religious bias. But very sad to see that no one liked her post.

    I have made a decision, well.. not purely based on what I read here, but yes what you wrote in the past few days in fact influenced my decision making. Thanks for that.

    The decision is: I am gonna ask my husband to either set-up a pooja space and maintain it like one (properly cleaning, and maintaining) or take it out to somewhere else convenient to him (either his mother's place or office where someone else could do the job for him).
    Also I am going to strictly ask him to take care of whatever comes with this Pooja room, including his mothers or friends or relative's comments attributing entire blame on me for the problems we face now/may face in the future relating to my lack of faith on his religion. It is nothing but forcing me to believe/follow certain practices which I don't have faith in it.
    Also, I am gonna strictly tell him that I can't make any restrictions in my life style on a long term basis to have such an arrangement at our place. Neither do I force my husband to restrict his life forever to please my faith. Just that, it is extremely important to keep up the promises in marriage, specially in inter faith marriage.

    I know his parents were capable of influencing, and I am not ready to give in this time. However, if he really wants a pooja room for himself, and ready to take whatever comes along with them (the responsibilities, blame, remedies etc..etc) without disturbing my life (well, slight adjustments here and there should be fine, but no permanent compromises on the basics of life), I would strongly stand by him to make his life easy.

    He seems to be not so keen in what he does in this regard. So, clearly I am not ready to bear additional responsibilities.

    Thanks for the understanding :)
     
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  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @armummy and @keet

    Sorry for the comment, if that offends anyone. I did not mean it.

    Had my husband been so responsible of what he has been doing, then my life would have been much easier. I wouldn't have come for an opinion here.
    I have clearly stated in my OP and other posts that my husband isn't cleaning the stuff he keeps inside the pooja cupboard and he thinks it is absolutely fine.
    When I attempted to clean them for the hygienic reasons, my MIL and other relatives scare me about certain restrictions and rituals, which I can't follow/observe. Such as "don't touch idols after eating meat, don't go near during period etc..)
    Since I do not have faith, you can't expect me observe the rituals and practices related to this Pooja room. So, me cleaning this space is ruled out.

    I may ask my little son to do the job. He is only 4 and not so responsible. Also, any mishandling such as breaking the idol or picture while cleaning by a 4 yr old will also be considered bad luck by them. I can't always apply precaution here, and I feel this is an unnecessary burden on me.

    If others also think like my H, that uncleaned pooja space and lack of maintenance is fine, then it will also be fine with me (except hygienic reasons). But for others, it is not fine, and it is the reason behind our problems and ultimately I am the cause of the problems. This is what irritating.

    I ask everyone in this forum a question?

    If I am a Hindu woman, married a Muslim based on mutual agreement that we don't force our religion to our spouse after marriage. Now if my Muslim MIL forces me to fast during Ramadan, but I have no faith and no reason to fast. They force me to eat or cook meat which I don't really like and they make my life uncomfortable to do their reasonable religious practices at our home. And then, they blame me for the bad lucks or problems we face as my lack of faith was the reason behind.

    Would you wholeheartedly advice me to be open to my husband's faith and fast during ramadan or eat beef or at least cook beef for him as some x, y and Z were doing that? Or you would blame my husband for breaking the basic marital promise which is utterly important in an inter-faith marriage to run peacefully?
    And what would be your reaction to that Muslim MIL who forces religion on her, and then comments the DIL for the bad luck?

    I am cent per cent sure many of us would support the DIL here. But in my case, the issue is almost same, but just I am not Hindu.

    Is that being Hindu important to base your analysis?
     
  8. katochsimi

    katochsimi Gold IL'ite

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    after reading all the comments i think the proverb "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" which we are taught since childhood is not true....

    and dear i have many muslim friends who are veg by option. who told you that muslim eat non veg as a part of religion.and they force to keep fasts on Ramadan..it is by ones personal wish...my muslim friends who have hindu spouse willingly have kept fast and no one forced them. they say that i have married him and after marriage women's religion is husbands religion (again here it is their personal choice and you can name them orthodox or whatever but they are having happy married life )...i think u have all wrong knowledge about other religion apart from yours (sorry if it has hurted you).
    what i understood from everyones feedback is that they are just trying to answer your question which you have asked and unaware of
    and it is all upon belief. their are certain dos and donts in every area...leave apart religion. you go in office school garden gym anywhere there are certain rules you need to follow, same applies to GOD idol also. (it is different we satisfy ourselves by giving convenient reasons).

    also i have gone thru your previous post where u mentioned that you all have killed cobra. people then said that it is sin and gave you options to rectify that...which you dined ...

    we all have given you factual reason and not judgmental..anyways best of luck and may god remove all the problems you are facing in life...
     
  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Wow... What a conclusion... You read only what you want to read... Am I right?

    My entire example of this Muslim case (not real one though) is to tell how bad it is force someone else to follow your faith and practices as they don't have faith in it. The meat was just an example.. There could be any. Yes, what if a Muslim chose to be veg?
    Did I tell you that all Muslims eat non-veg and that is a must in their religion?
    Anyways, didn't you really know that Majority of Muslims eat meat and are non-vegetarians and my example do make some sense?

    Come on... I am sure you are seeing my point. I.e I am against certain forceful practices and then blame games based on faith, regardless of any religion. I would react the same even if a fellow Christian forces her/his Hindu spouse to observe certain things against her faith. Specially if there was a ground agreement about this before their inter-faith marriage. That is the point. Well, you chose to be selective blind here, and pick up an issue in every word I type. Because, you see the problem, and you don't want to accept it or react to it because of your own bias. Anyways, Thank you.
     
  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Fair enough. In general, and given the history of past few years, and that there is quite some interaction with (birth) family on both sides. I think it is commendable you tried to do the cleaning and maintaining etc, considered having child do it, and cared to post a thread.
     
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