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Is it co-incidence or something fishy? Please clarify !!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Jul 6, 2015.

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  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Well, this is something beyond my control. Thus requesting help from those have expertise on this.

    As many of you know that ours is an inter-religious marriage. However, religion was never an issue in our 7 year long marital life thus far. Of course, for the records:- we had so many issues of everything under the sky in the past, but somehow settled in a happy life with kids now.


    Due to some reasons, the top 2 floors of our house is used for business purposes (As office space, store and information center); thus we are only using the ground floor and the huge portico for living.
    The ground floor has 2 big (mega sized) bed-rooms, one dining room, 2 attached bathrooms, a living room and a kitchen. Since my mom is permanently staying with us, she uses the second bed-room with my elder son. DD and us use the master bedroom.
    All the furniture of the other 2 floors are now placed in the ground floor, which almost completely filled the spaces.

    Me and my husband are religious as per our own faith. We never disturb each other, but support and pray for each other.
    We don't make religious propaganda at home for the visibility purposes. No signs, idols or pictures of either religion. Kids have common regional names. And we celebrate each of our festivals together as per the culture. Things were perfectly going on.

    However, recently MIL suggested that my husband should establish a Pooja room at our new home (almost 2 year old home) before it completes the 3rd year. She said it is a sin; thus many issues will follow if there is no space for the God at our home. My husband reluctantly accepted this as he feared something bad may happen.
    As a result, MIL and a priest came and established a pooja space at my mom's room inside an attached almyrah (attached with the wall). My husband performs pooja whenever he is around. He stays at home only during weekends - that too when there is no business trips.

    Ever since the pooja room was established, we are suffering so much loss, illness, financial issues and as a result arguments and tears between us. From the little DD to my mom, everyone had visited the hospital
    s emergency room (that including mom's recurrent illness, and DD's emergency fever seizure). Son's education is also affected (I posted a separate thread on this)
    We are suffering a huge loss in our business due to political changes etc..etc.. and the loss is something unexpected, huge and unable to cope.

    Due to this, my husband paid less time/interest for his career; thus it has also affected to some extend.
    At my career front, I've lost all the freedom I had at my own office thus far. Now a new supervisor is irritating me to the core.

    Well, I've never been calculating everything together, rather I faced it all by thinking positively. However, my friend said something confusing; thus I posted this thread here.

    My friend says, if you are establishing a pooja room at home then it should be maintained like one.
    Eg: Purity : Since it is part of our house and some of our stuff are still placed in that room I enter that room any day (regardless of my periods). Never thought I should enter that room after a bath or so. I enter there anytime, with any dress, and any condition as I thought it is still part of my own house where I have all the freedom to roam without any conditions. My husband says, it is okay as the idols are locked inside the cupboard, but my friend feel it may be an offence.

    My husband does the pooja only on weekends, that too when he is ready/free. He is not so keen on that. But the space is never cleaned or maintained by him on a regular basis other than pooja days.
    Eg: The dried flowers, rotten banana's (Prashadam from temple), old coconut and so much dust from the Agarpattis are all spread in that locked cupboard. It is definitely not a respectful and pure space for God. However my husband and in laws feel it is okay. Since it is his religious practice, I don't offer any service to clean as I fear making any mistakes with no background knowledge. Also, I don't feel it is necessary or compulsory from my end to be honest.

    Whatsoever, I can not fully trust my in laws as they have been so cunning in the past, which cost me so much. Also, I am yet to completely trust my husband's boldness when it comes to his parents. He becomes selective amnesia patient like Gajini, and behaves too innocent when caught red handed. So, I never depend on them for anything, anytime rather always being vigilant. Hence this post.

    Dear ladies, no offence intended to any religion here. Just that I speak my mind honestly as I am so confused and not in a better state of mind to use better words.

    Thanks for your understanding
     
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  2. VaniVyas

    VaniVyas Platinum IL'ite

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    As a person who has a special area for pooja at our house I would first of like to tell you that, a pooja room can never bring anything negative to your life. Having said that, I also agree to your friend regarding the way it has to be maintained. What I personally believe, is that idols and images of God have been created by us to bring us closer to the unseen omnipotent universal creator. These idols or images as such does not have any strength or cannot give us that motivation and strength which we seek for in life if they are not maintained in the way it has to be.
    You can clearly explain to your DH and family that you have no objection in setting up of the pooja room as long as the cleaning, lightning of the lamp, offering of flowers and all are done in accordance with the custom. In case if he cannot devote a proper time for these activities it is better to keep away from this practice. Better not to do certain things rather than doing them in a wrong way. I am sure most of us believe so. The power of the prayers and the pooja will benefit the family only when it is done as per the traditional practices. Though I don’t find all the rituals practiced in those days makes complete sense, it is better not to do something which we don’t know properly and invite troubles.
    May be they have a reason for each practice, which can be explained by some of our Ils who have good knowledge in Vedas and other books. According to me, if you maintain a pooja room we have to follow certain norms to create that positive environment out of it. My grandmother had a room full of idols and images of God. After her death, my mami knew she could not do justice to these rituals on a daily basis due to work load and so she took some of them and donated to temples and some of them (which were very old) were floated in a nearby lake. Hope this will help you in some way.
    P.S. For all the problems you are facing now, be strong lady you will soon come out of all this. My hugs to you. God bless.
     
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  3. LindaSenorita

    LindaSenorita Senior IL'ite

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    I totally understand your concern here....
    It does sound as a co-incidence but we also cant neglect the fact based on your narration here that it is kinda self-inflicted. If you have pooja room in your home then it HAS to be maintained like one. God wont punish us for not doing so but it isnt a good practice to not maintain it just as wouldnt you maintain your place where you stay...!! Same applies to God...
    You are absolutely not wrong here let me tell you that...you guys are amazing that inspite being from different religious belief how nicely you are still putting up together by keeping aside you differences...It is not expected from you to do pooja so dont wory on that part but i would say if your husband surrendered to his mom's will of extablishing pooja room then he should have been aware and should take responsibility of maintaining it...Please get a priest at home and ask him whether the disha of pooja room is correct and also ask him how the pooja hould be performed .Ask your DH to do it accordingly. If it isnt an issue with you please try to avoid things in pooja room. According to my small knowledge i have on this, pooja room should never be in bedroom. It has to be kitchen if you cant have a seperate room altogether for it.Please consult a priest..have second opinion..its worth your mental and family peace :)
    I hope i have'nt offended you in any way...just trying to help you out :) ...Dont worry..things will fall in place.
     
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  4. sanarthi

    sanarthi Silver IL'ite

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    Hi SGBV,

    It is just a co-incidence as of i am concerned. I think even though you have not established a pooja room, you would have gone through this. Even i am from a family who does pooja every day and night. But i am bit different from everyone. i enter Pooja room anytime, even when i have periods, any dress. But i feel nothing differnt happened.

    It is all in our minds. Think positive. :)
     
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  5. katochsimi

    katochsimi Gold IL'ite

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    SGBV,

    i totally agree with your friend. see it is very big and disputable topic about all those stuff like keeping god clean and entering room etc.
    it will always depend on personal background and culture and beliefs.
    like there are many who believe in fengshui and there are who dont. it doesnt matter. feng shui wont harm/benefit unless u keep it at your home. but once it is placed in your home you have to be very careful in the does and donts with it. there are certain direction in which we have to keep it.
    Same way is with GOD idol and for that my 1 cents are:
    whenever we have a place of god in our house we have to keep it clean.
    you should not keep the door where idol is placed closed.
    you should not enter the room when in periods or without bath. and should light lamp twice a day.
    if any fruit or some naivaidya offered have to be picked before it gets rotten.
    rest max points your friend has covered.

    and belive me i have seen many cases with people who has done all wrong practices with the god room in house. one of my uncles' paretnts use to do pooja everyday and after their death he threw all in tmeple as he dint had time for all that. he went mad and forgot his own home nad his family members brought him from so many places back ot home but everytimes he goes out forgets his add...

    i know all above are disputable but htis is what i believe and practice.
     
  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear friends,

    Thank you so much for your prompt response. Your words make complete sense to me. It also validate what I think, so I can speak with my H and in laws confidently on this regard.

    @Vanivyas
    I am sorry that I can't do this practices. I am Christian and I am prohibited to idol worshiping or worshiping another God as you know ours is a monogamous religion. Anyways, I wholeheartedly respect and support to any custom which my husband wants to follow to worship his religion. Even, I have done cleaning, washing and plucking the flowers when he needed before. But never did anything beyond myself. My husband knows it, and won't ask me or expect me too.

    So, I completely take your advice on the other options that my husband should take initiatives to perform Pooja or maintain the room with purity or make other arrangements like your aunt did.

    @Lindasenorita
    No offence taken dear. I even expect honest opinions, that is why I posted here.

    Even my friend had this concern too. She is Hindu. She says having a pooja space in the bedroom is not right. But we have no other proper place either. Bed room is used for everything :hide:
    And it is mostly managed by my mom. This is where my son sleeps, and study as well. That is why I enter there often. My entrance to that room is unavoidable, I am sorry.
    As for kitchen, I wonder whether it is alright to keep Religious idols where we usually cook and eat non-veg? I highly doubt it.

    If it is to be kept in living room or dining room, again it will break what we had already agreed upon marriage and followed thus far. i.e no religious propaganda or visibility in public. That is why it went to bed-room almyrah.

    @sanarthi
    I have no concern about all this, as I too believe it is a co-incident. But when there are certain customs which is traditionally expected for a reason, I don't agree to break it at my home. I am not ready to take any risk now. May be at someone else's place, but not at mine. Specially when I don't follow it, don't understand it and don't want to observe it... why do otherwise here?
     
  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for your reply.

    I agree with you the above parts as what my friend too have said. But I don't get your last few lines about your uncle?
    What do you mean? Do you think he was punished by God for offering his idols to a temple since he wasn't able to maintain it as per his parents did? Is it a punishable offence?
    Don't we believe God is great with a great big heart than human? Can't God understand that his fellow uncle's concern, but punish him?
    Isn't it sound like forcing him to do something against his will? Can God do this?

    Anyways, thanks for your concern. I shall keep my H informed of this too.
     
  8. rachaputi

    rachaputi Platinum IL'ite

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    In early days of our marraige, hall is bedroom, pooja room, and kitchen.. I dont think those all problems when no option.

    I dont do pooja everyday also :hide:. But is those idols placed in right place?(my concern point). Check once as a casual talk.

    Usually we keep inEast or North or North east
     
  9. cutemonster

    cutemonster Platinum IL'ite

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    Its just a coincidence dear.when something goes wrong in our life our brain in tries to find some reason.
    As for entering pooja room without bath or in periods, thats personal preference.in my religion we can pray in periods. And my dear, god is omnipresent, he is everywhere.pooja rooms etc give us a clean , place where we can silently have some peaceful time. You know just like when u sit on ur desk u feel.like studying or doing work.in bed u feel like sleeping.
    as of cleaning, the place I wholeheartedly agree. Any place which is dirty, cluttered will give negative impact. Your mind wont like that.ask ur husband to keep the area clean.if he can't do it daily as some maid .u dont need to be expert in the religion, just clean the dry flowers , fruits etc .my husband is also hindu n I had never done idol worship.but I just cleaned pooja room, like daily mopping dusting , fresh flowers etc.in fact in india my maid who cleaned my house was a Muslim, she only mopped n dusted the pooja room.
    If you can't or dont want pooja room in bedroom, use tjose small hanging temples like this one https://www.google.com/search?q=han...Q_AUoAg&biw=360&bih=567#imgrc=uByvcg2X2jDByM:
    You can use in any spare wall space.
     
  10. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Please move the idols/pics out of the bedroom to hall or other section as pooja room.
     
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