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Is it better to tell them indirectly or keep quite

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by kshema, Sep 24, 2015.

  1. kshema

    kshema Bronze IL'ite

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    My MIL speaks very nicely in front of me. When I go out she will start commenting about what I speak with her. Last week they visited to our house with out informing(they are staying in native), I have small baby, I wake up early and finish all the work before 8am,breakfast lunch(only for me) everything. When they are here as usual I prepared breakfast and lunch box for my husband. I dint prepare lunch , I thought we can prepare after 12 so that they can eat hot. Whenever they come i leave the kitchen for them(before I was working, now have baby so can't do much work). So mil prepared lunch I helped her little things. I went out to shop to bring some thing and I forgot some thing I came back and i heard mil was telling to fil that "see I told you she will not do any work if I come , I have to do all the work",
    I was badly hurt, how can I do all work my baby is very naughty, I have to be in front of him always, for that purpose I always prepare everything on early morning.
    When her daughter came to my house with her baby Mil also came with them only to help her because she have small baby, I have seen it many times,
    At the time of my baby shower function some misunderstandings happened with my MIL,my mil don't like to spend money on function(she told me directly),my fil ready to spend and he wants to do the function.
    And the other thing is SIL, they visited my house many times she came with her two children and husband many times, I allowed them to sleep in our bedroom all the time when we r newly married also(we are staying in one bhk), last time we had some arguments ( mentioned in my last post), she told me I don't have good and adjusting nature. Am not talking to her from long time. So my Mil have still more angry on me.
    This is the main thing which is in my mind till now: after baby shower function I dint speak with mil, they came to see my baby after delivery and I was in hospital for 5 days,that time in-laws staying in our house and when I and baby came back from hospital, within 3 hours they went back. My mother's house is very small so I came to my house, my mother also came with me,she was expecting mils help for postpartum, how in-laws love their grandson, but they left. I always thanking about these things only,

    So can I tell her these things indirectly or keep quite, I want to make her realize that what they did for me.
     
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  2. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    I feel it's better to keep quite and ignore their comments. Otherwise unnecessarily issues may start in your married life. Better talk less with her and whenever she comes to your place, handover the baby to her and ask her to look after him and you do the cooking and other household works to avoid her comments that she is doing the entire work...
     
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  3. twinklingstar

    twinklingstar Gold IL'ite

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    dear OP,
    past is gone. if your still keep those memories alive then ur yesterday and today will be same. i dont think you should tell them in anyways as it will spoil ur relation more.
    i read somewhere "people are so strange keep sweet memories in album and bad memories in mind"..
    just remove all those negative stuff happend in past. it happens to some or the other extend with all. it is part and parcel of marriage which u cannot run away from.
    what i suggest what if u keep ur baby with them to take care and prepare lunch for them. as i feel they visit sometime so its better if u adjust that with them.
    and this is world wide fact that mother daughter relation is such that she can do anything for her daughter and vice versa. dont expect taht for DIL..just dont expect..the day u leave this u will b most happy women...
     
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  4. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Forget that they didn't live their grandson at his birth or they didn't do anything for u....loving their grandson nd doing things for u is their choice....you can't do much in this...
    Don't bring the past issues out....but if ur in-laws says something you can give them ur piece of mind to them then n there only....like when u overheard ur mil saying that you have stopped working because she had come...yup should have gone to her and told her why u didn't prepare lunch...and u should have given her the option of doing only things which she likes to do ,...rest she can leave on you...
    You work as per ur convenience and rest ignore the comments...
     
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  5. kshema

    kshema Bronze IL'ite

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    So everybody is telling to ignore.
    Whenever they visit us I feel like ignoring the old things and let's be normal, but she creates some or other issues. As you all suggested next time when they visit I will do all the work as I do everyday, and talk less with Mil. Definitely I will ignore, I can't change their thoughts about me, I will change myself. Ignore ignore ignore.
    Thanks all for ur suggestions.
     
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  6. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    if something boethering in mind you should able tell but not face to face.

    Just tell tomorrow that, can you take care of baby and I'll finish the cooking and tell in front of FIL.

    Lot of women like to gossip,it doesn't matter weather it really mean it or not. Women would like to complain especially to husbands.

    even though she is ok to cook but just get satisfaction to talk like that.But just tell her that you would like to cook as long baby is taken care of .Ask her which one are you interested to take care baby or cook.That way you don't have to struggle in between.

    Especially these things it's better speak up without suffering inside. But do it diplomatically.
     
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  7. Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    If possible hire a maid.

    I think it is a bad idea to expect mil to take care of you. This exceptions leads to nothing but broken relationships.

    Don't compare.Yes, she will care for her daughter and not for you. That is the reality. Read some posts on this forum on this. The more you accept this, the less hurt you will get.

    Don't give up on your routine. Continue doing that and ask her help for assisting you only. it is your house, you should not be the assistant..you should be running it.

    And for the comments she makes...ignore.
     
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  8. paramlav

    paramlav Silver IL'ite

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    Dear u took good decision . Ignore is best thing to maintain in relationship
    It doesn't mean you have to bear when u get give then and there. I got reminded one thing ..if we throw stone on cowdung it will fall on us .so be far it's best atleast u will have peace
     
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  9. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,

    fact is you were not meant to hear that comment. You heard by accident. So dont take what she said to heart and change the way you are doing things esp if she is not even aware you overheard. What is the point of adjusting when she is not aware you are making an adjustment? And this will also increase the resentment in your heart.

    since you overheard her remark you know what is actually in her mind. So you have to address it then and there. Before it becomes big issue. Next time you hear such a remark being made, dont ignore or pretend you didnt hear. Make sure she realizes you are there - you can say oh i forgot xxx and came back for it and then -- address the issue. 'I heard you say this. actually blah blah is the reason I thought blah blah etc.' Explain in a normal tone, discuss and come to an understanding. Deal like this with all the small issues and finish them off. Otherwise op, your frustration and her resentment will keep mounting like this and there will be a big blow up one fine day.
     
  10. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    You guys were not on talking terms at the time if birth for your son and your mom too came with you. It is good your MIL left otherwise you might have had issues with her dictating her way of doing things for the baby.

    If you feel they are mistreating you , you can always respond back bother wise ignore. The fact is she cooked the meal and she spoke to her husband about it just like you may do to your husband . So ignore or if you feel comfortable explain.
     

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