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Is It A Friendship Betrayal?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by YaminiOm, Sep 30, 2018.

  1. YaminiOm

    YaminiOm Junior IL'ite

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    Married for 9years love marriage. We belong to different religion. However my h pretend to be different and I feel cheated many times, that's another story, yet life was moving around kids and school run amid difference of opinions. Couple Of years ago I had a college reunion where I met my old friends, boozed and lil overboard with one of a male colllege mate (I puked and he held me and another female friend took a pic of me and him) with whom I was in touch only via Facebook and WhatsApp never ever spoke to Him During college days. Nothing more than that. My h knows that I went for reunion and don't know I boozed. Somehow my h has seen the pic, first thing I dint delete it, second thing I would have deleted and there started our issues. However I was apologising every day and that was a different story. Amid my h has contacted one of my college mate via LinkedIn who is staying abroad. He felt that am planning to elope with the guy in that pic so he approached my friend.
    All of a sudden this friend texted me much and asked me when I'll be free so that she can call me. She started preaching me without saying that she and my h had already communicated. She talked way too much and it went like argument. And whatever the texts between me and her was sent to my h(screenshots) and she put my h in conference in all the telephonic conversations between me nd her. Also she was playing games with me, she sent me an edited document which my h has sent her like how much he was rocking me in the cradle of happiness and how I breached the vows. And also my h has sent her that pic she told me. Also she called my mother and said that I'm Planning to elope with that guy , also she conveyed that my h is planning to apply for divorce and what's my mother's take in this situation, again she put my h in that call(she Dont had my mom mobile no, my h has given her) I asked my h why is he involving my friend in our family issues, what's in his mind let's talk it out and he Completely denied that he never communicated with my FRIEND. I told h that if she is involving in our family issues and talking to h then I have no choice left but to call her father to keep her stay away. Amid these she came to India where they both have met and she shared her local no to him(me and her went trivial and not in talking terms) one fine day she called me and said she wanted to meet me. I wasn't comfortable meeting her and discussing about anything. I denied and she has told my h that am flawed that's why I couldn't face her and he can very well go ahead with divorce proceedings . The entire thing was happening for like an year. She isn't talking to me but my h and she must be in touch still discussing about me or maintaining a cordial relationship. If I ask my h he denies everytime that he isn't in touch with her. He is safeguarding her that I should not trouble her. And whatever happens between me and H next second it goes to her, which Is pissing me. I didn't do any crime, me and H discussed many times that it was a mistake that I booze and apologised for the pic.


    Whatever between me and H we will work. I feel so much betrayed by my friend. They might be discussing about me. I would never keep secrets between me and her h without her knowing no matter what circumstances it is. I felt like she misguided my h by not standing by my side. She should be my friend first. Was my friend wrong In not being transparent with me with my family issues?

    She and my h belongs to same religion, that makes me feel left out. My h is type of person who lacks in individuality.

    Whenever I talk to my h it hits me hard how can they both communicate secretly about my personal stuffs and how he can send my personal pic to her be it whatever I did. And my h had no nerve to accept the fact that he is communicating with her. Regard the reunion and booze, it's not worth shattering a family to this extreme. I feel like her nose in my family is tearing me and H.

    Am I wrong here ? What my h did is normal and am I overthinking? More than the problem between me n h, her intervention and the aftermath is disturbing me extremely. Advise me pl.
     
    anushri likes this.
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  2. Agathinai

    Agathinai Gold IL'ite

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    The problem is with your husband. He was the one who had been suspicious and that’s your main problem. He initiated the conversation with your friend. I am just concerned about the lack of trust your husband has inspite of marriage with you for 9 years. Just ignore your friend and have a good discussion with your husband.
     
    sbonigala and Sunshine04 like this.
  3. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Is it possible to arrange a conference call without one party knowing? Did you mean 'on speaker-phone'? Without your knowledge?? I'm just trying to understand the situation.
     
    YaminiOm likes this.
  4. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    If it's a friendship betrayal, it depends on if you were good friends with her. This is definitely a betrayal of trust between husband and wife. Instead of working out his insecurities with you, he went public. Is hr trying to fix the misunderstanding or trying to garner witnesses?

    If it were me, I would stop answering your friends calls, stop contacting her all together. Write an email to all concerned cc-ing your husband. In it explain what happened in unapologetic, matter of fact way. Assure that you neither had any contact, nor plan to have any in future with the said man. Then stop with saying that you have nothing more to say on this because you don't owe any of them an explanation.

    In separate email, or conversation, ask you husband if he wants to fix this. Then the only solution is talk. Tell that you are willing to share all accounts to put his mind at ease and you have nothing to hide. If he wants to go back to trusting and having a life you will stand by him. If not, you can do nothing but watch your husband destroying your marriage.

    Go for counseling if possible.
     
    anushri and YaminiOm like this.
  5. peet1983

    peet1983 Silver IL'ite

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    What I can see is you both did enough damage to your relation and now it's the time to repair and save it.
    Completely ignore or forget that friend. She won't do any good thing to your family. Just start conversation between h and it should end with feel that , yes my wife is loving me so much and im giving so much of trouble to her and i needs to stop it. As you mention, if doesn't have any individuality, itsitvery easy to manipulate his thoughts and bring it on your way. See your friends existence will be only when you and h have any problems.. else there is no place for her in your relation.

    All the best
     
    YaminiOm likes this.
  6. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Did he pretend to be of your religion??
     
    YaminiOm likes this.
  7. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Did that woman send him the pic??
     
    nakshatra1 and YaminiOm like this.
  8. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    This friend woman is not good
    I would just stay away from her.
    Your husband is also not nice. He has no trust in you.
    Have a straight talk with him on what happened.
    Dont pick her calls. And ask your parents to do the same.
    Is this friend married.?its shameless what she is doing.
     
    shravs3, nakshatra1 and YaminiOm like this.
  9. Lalithambigai

    Lalithambigai IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, my heart goes out for you, for all that you have been through. Hats Off! for hanging in there and fighting it out. Reading your post reminded me of a Richard Bach saying : If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.

    Let's accept it, there's a basic trust deficit in your marriage which led to this situation. I would urge you to work on strengthening your marriage and this thing will fall away automatically. Don't miss the forest for the trees. Secure your marriage and noone else will ever be able to drive a wedge between you both. I know you can do it.

    I wouldn't be surprised if there's a similar thread posted by your friend on some other forum based on what your h told her. Just saying that I am having a tough time believing a woman would do all this to her own known friend without any provocation. Maybe your h manipulated her by playing the victim card. Otherwise I see no motive for your friend to do all that she did.
     
    anushri, nakshatra1, YaminiOm and 2 others like this.
  10. YaminiOm

    YaminiOm Junior IL'ite

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    Thank you. I'm very well aware that my h involved her, but Is this how a friend conceal secrets? I stopped talking or responding her texts since months.. This entire things happened throughout last year on and off. Thank you so Much. I want my husband, I want this marriage.
     

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