Is it a Curse to Have only DAUGHTERS.....???

Dear Vidya Parani,

I felt so bad reading about your in-laws behavior and about your predicament. I don't know how one can start loving such in-laws or respect them. Sorry, I am much older than you and I still am not able to be all wise and sensible and give you advice like you have to put up with all this because they are the parents of your husband etc etc etc. I just don't have it in me!! Is your mil not a woman, did she not have parents and did she not love them after her marrige??? Mind boggles!
You say you want to change things for your daughter. I wish you could change things for yourself. But lo behold, I don't want to disturb your peace at home. So don't take my advice seriously dear. Only, I hate to see women suffer like this just because of these senseless family issues and more so because they are daughters/girls/women.

L, Kamla

 

dear kamla ma'am,
thank you so much for those kind understanding words, like you say, i do wonder how MILs become so heartless...in my case, my MIL stayed far away from her inlaws and always had her say being followed by my FIL, DH and BIL, like a thani kaatu rani...only after i explained things patiently to DH did he understand the situation...he admits that he never thought outside the lines of his mom's opinions for all his life...now since he is a very nice person at heart, he supports me with full heart and resents his parents behaviour towards us...it is really a god's gift that my DH is so level headed with good reasoning powers and above all loves me no matter what his parents say....he showed such love and respect to my mom when she came here...
i have changed things for myself now, it is non reversible and i wish to give my daughter a life without such hardships that i went through....

 

i have changed things for myself now, it is non reversible and i wish to give my daughter a life without such hardships that i went through....[/quote]

Good for you Vidhya! I am glad to read the above. I wish you every luck and happiness and I am sure that your daughter will be a strong and lovely woman when she grows up

L, Kamla

 

yes brindha,
we'll make it possible to change the trend, here i must credit todays young men also, most of them, not all, realise what a girls parents mean to her...and how it is impossible to just cut her family ties just becoz she comes into a new family...and also because of economic independence we can afford to move into a new home/country to save our lives from a depressing drudgery in the name of traditions, joint family culture etc....after 3 yrs of marriage when we came abroad, we felt like newly weds...we had so much time with each other to talk, understand our feelings without intrusions/complaints from his parents....and life goes like a smooth stream now...touch wood...i'm dreading our first india trip from here by the end of this month....even DH has lost all his respect for his parents...but we have to visit them for the sake of their bringing up my hubby....

 

hi brindha
first I was mistaken by the Heading but than reading it was a different story.
To ur heading I am goint to reply that to have daughters only is not cusre. Rather it is a blessing .
About Inlaws not wanting DIl to help her parents , the pattern is changing .
Most of the time I have witnessed in young working couple that it is Nani who takes care of younger ones rather than Pat.Grandmother & Son inlaws have come to understand it.

Most of the time it is daughters who take care of the parents.
In our in hospital pts this I have witnessed from years that 80% times it is the daughter who is staying in hospital to help ill parents rather than DIL.
I dont know about ur region but in north India it is not too much of objection or taboo that parents cant come & live with their daughters .

Every few months paper carry story of daughters ( young or married ) giving mukhagni to dead parent & doing all the rituals.
Time is changing.

 

Dear Brinda,

Well written.Congrats that yur first post is damn good.

See, i have two daughters, elder one happily married abroad.

Girls will look after their parents in old age more than the sons will.I have seen so many girls do that in my family.They are more than sons to their parents.

It depends on the girls too to take a stand.

Regards.kamal

 

Dear Vidhya,
I think you have to talk to your husband and make him see reason.Very nicely.Because in your household where the in laws rule the one person who can help you is your husband.You should very tactfully without offending him make him understand that your parents are as important to you as his parents are to him.Iam saying very tactfully because he should be on your side,under no circumstances should you rub him on the wrong side.
There is a saying no?that a thorn has to be removed only with a thorn,have faith in yourself and try to change things for you in your life.Dont worry too much.Know your priorities,things will fall in place.
All the best.
mithila kannan

 

dear vidya
it was very sad to read ur story!!1but from ur post i guess ur a strong self made lady !!!!
in my opinion daughters have equal responsibilities towards their parents as sons have!!!!
i think these days everybody have to accept that even women have had friends and family before marriage!!!!i have many friends who cannot keep in touch because they are so busy taking care of their family and inlaws that they just dont have any time for themselves or their parents or friends!!!!! its sad to note that many families still dont understand these issues just hope that this scenario changes with time!!!!!
regards
pavi

 

IMO, I think it has to treated on case by case basis, there are so many ifs and buts involved. Ofcourse, it is absolutely unfair to the girl's parents but that is reality. I would like to quote 2 instances before I continue my post.

First, my eldest periappa has 2 daughters in the family, they are in their late forty's and fifty's now though.. My aunt was physically hadicapped when they were 4 and 5 years old..but my periappa completly took care of her.. helped the kids with school and career, got them married into a wealthy family. One is a CPA and other is MD. Both the daughters came here to the US , were unable to meet their parents for 8 years since they wanted to establish themselves and later brought both their mom & dad here and gave them the most luxurious life. My aunt passed away peacefully in her sleep here in the US and my uncle is still living with this daughters just as the past 20 years.

The best part is all my other family members who had sons are living with them but not as happy!.. problems with DIL!!.. ( I know this is contradictory to the OP, but reality ) and also other way round where the DIl cannot have their parents here..

On the other hand, I'm married into a huge joint family, but even today when my dad visits mu ILs, they make it a point to have him stay there.. they don;t let him stay outside and they get terribly upset with me!.. if my dad does so.. they think I "instructed" him not to stay there.. My DH enjoys my dad's company.

So in a nutshell, I think having a daughter or just daughters cannot be generalized..It all depends on various characters in the scenario..

-S