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Is having a second child advisable?

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by Kalanandakumar, Apr 19, 2011.

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  1. Apr 19, 2011 #1
    Kalanandakumar

    Kalanandakumar Silver IL'ite

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    Hello IL's

    I am under serious confusion since few months now....:drowning
    The confusion is regarding - should I have a second child or not? :hide:

    I am a working mother of 26months old baby boy and married for 3.5 years now.
    I have started getting the pressure from people around and my parents to have a second child. I am not sure or may be I am scared or confused because of the below reasons....

    1) I am a working mother, will I be able to provide my 100% for both the kids?
    2) Will I be able to smoothly handle the 1st Baby, Work, Husbands needs, In-Laws, Society and Pregnancy?...
    3) We live with our in laws and they are not co-operative... they don't even take interest in feeding the child.. for this reason I lived with my parents for more than an Year and now i keep hopping between home and office (I live close to office its 15 mins drive)to make sure he eats and is healthy... This makes me feel nervous all the time and restless...
    4) I tried for a maid who can help my in laws in looking after the kid, but my luck wasnt good enough i did not get any one :-(
    5) I have recently got promoted as a black belt at work and have loads to learn and prove myself in the new role.
    6) During my 1st pregnancy I had my mom as my biggest support and now shes also not all that confident of handling this long process alone (no help from my MIL).
    7) Above all this my husband is a business man and his business is not all that good from 2 years and will take some more time to recover. I cant quit my job till we have a stable income.
    Education has become so costly now a days, 5 people in the house, one person earning and bringing up a kid is so difficult... can I manage the second one also.. will my parents and inlaws be as curious as they were before???? will they still love my second child like the 1st one....

    My dear friends, if you ask me personally, I feel we need to have 2 children at least. But with all the above mentioned situations I am so so confused. I am 29 years old now…
    Seeking for all your advise to clear the confusion and gain some confidence with in me….

    Please help me… :bang

    Kala
     
    Kalanandakumar, Apr 19, 2011
    Kalanandakumar, Apr 19, 2011
    #1
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  2. Apr 19, 2011 #2
    amul

    amul Silver IL'ite

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    dear kala

    having second will be good.
    considering all the situations u hav explained...why dont u wait for one more year and take a look at the possibilities.

    do not consider ppl who are advising you for second child.

    kindly look to wat extent you can be available forur both kids..let it be financially, caring etc...

    as ur hubby's business is also not fine..let it get better and then u may decide

    my advice is to just wait for some more months and then decide.
     
    amul, Apr 19, 2011
    amul, Apr 19, 2011
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  3. Apr 19, 2011 #3
    Kalanandakumar

    Kalanandakumar Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for the advise Amul.
    I also feel I should wait. Just thinking if it would be late for my age?
    Why do woman only get such difficulties always???
    They are proned to all this suffocation :-(
     
    Kalanandakumar, Apr 19, 2011
    Kalanandakumar, Apr 19, 2011
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  4. Apr 19, 2011 #4
    ptamil2007

    ptamil2007 Gold IL'ite

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    Kala: Even I am more or less in the same situation (though not completely):

    My DS is 3 years old and I am a full time working mom. DH is not so big a problem, he will help when needed.
    I generally manage all the household chores myself.

    We live abroad so no help basically. The pressure has been coming from all sides for me more than a year now, but really I dont care

    It is always that me and my DH have to agree what time we are ready and now he is ready but I told him I need some more time.

    so basically, I am trying to suggest is dont give into the pressures of the society. Think what is best for you and your DH and the first child.
     
    ptamil2007, Apr 19, 2011
    ptamil2007, Apr 19, 2011
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  5. Apr 19, 2011 #5
    amul

    amul Silver IL'ite

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    unless and untill u dont hav any gyneac problems..age is not a criteria.Igave birt when i completed 30 for my son

    yes, we women are suffocated with all such problems bcoz at the end of the day all responsibilities are on our head.it is not todays problem....its coming as heriditory from long back

    we need to think of PIL's, parents kids, etc...
    i would like to ask u something personal..is ur hubby supportive in all ways

    if so u can goahead with ur decision, wat u think is correct regarding pregnancy
     
    amul, Apr 19, 2011
    amul, Apr 19, 2011
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  6. Apr 19, 2011 #6
    Radhikarao

    Radhikarao New IL'ite

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    Hi Kala,
    People keep pushing you but dont give in as long as you dont feel confident enough.Think about your first kid too..now you are juggling with all your responsibilities and bringing in another child may make you more tiresome and restless.First child will miss you more than anyone...and you will start feeling guilty not able to spend time with him.Pls take some time and i personally think you have 1-2 years more.Having second child is good but only when you can spend your time for both of the children.i have two kids with very less age gap and i dont work...iam a homemaker.being at home attending to their every need...i sometimes feel there should have been some gap,so that first one might have got more attention.
    However thats my experience.But take your time as you have still choice in your hand.
     
    Radhikarao, Apr 19, 2011
    Radhikarao, Apr 19, 2011
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  7. Apr 20, 2011 #7
    babycorn

    babycorn Silver IL'ite

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    I have recently witnessed this.A lady forced her DIL to go for another child and she said she will take care of the child.But it is not happening.The girl is struggling to handle 2 kids,work,home and other financial issues as well.

    Discuss with your husband.Go for a kid only if you guys decide to,not for others and their pressure
     
    babycorn, Apr 20, 2011
    babycorn, Apr 20, 2011
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  8. Apr 20, 2011 #8
    Kalanandakumar

    Kalanandakumar Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you all ladies for sharing your experiences. That’s makes me feel I have some one for me. I am not left alone. I love this website as this has given me so many friends in a short span of time. I can discuss anything here with out any hesitation. No body is bound to give any advise. Love you IL and all my dear friends…. Really provides me some comfort zone:):thumbsup

    @Pavitra,
    Thanks for the advise. Yes you are right its we who have to decide on this.
    Shall take some more time and think about this and decide.
    I understand that it must be very very difficult for you living abroad. Here at least I can say that in laws are there at home and leave him with them, you must be finding it difficult for that also
    @Amul,
    Yes he is very supportive in all ways. But he cannot baby sit the baby. He will get restless. He says you take care of children and I will do the rest 
    @Radhika
    Thanks ma for sharing your experience. I even now feel guilty that I am not giving enough time for the 1st kid (aarush). After the second one its gonna be worse. So as you said I think I will have to wait.
    @ChotuMeetu
    Thanks Ma. That’s is what I am suspecting as well. Even though people promise to take care of the child it may not happen. No mom can leave the kids as others do. Its gonna me more and more added pressure and tiresome. I think I have to wait for some more time.
     
    Kalanandakumar, Apr 20, 2011
    Kalanandakumar, Apr 20, 2011
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  9. Apr 20, 2011 #9
    Kalanandakumar

    Kalanandakumar Silver IL'ite

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    Does any body have any other comments on this... Please feel free to put your comments on this..

    Kala
     
    Kalanandakumar, Apr 20, 2011
    Kalanandakumar, Apr 20, 2011
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  10. Apr 20, 2011 #10
    Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    You don't have to worry about these two points.No matter what,how many kids you have,mother will support them unconditionally.(You happen to see bad mothers on this forum but there are awsome mothers too and you can be one of them.Don't have to worry about it).
    Grand mothers,it doesn't matter.Unless,they have some gender preference.But anyway,always younger one is the most naughty one.

    According to my experiece,raising second one each much easiler than the first one.
    Anyway,even I would advise wait for a year or so based on your situation.

    That way your son would grow much older and reduce dependency on you.

    I know,pregenency itself long process.I wish god would have schuled as 3-4 months pregnency instead of 9 months :).

    More than anything,kids would enjoy each other.
     
    Priya16, Apr 20, 2011
    Priya16, Apr 20, 2011
    #10
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